well, happy new year to everyone. finally it is the new year and the holidays are behind us. i found christmas extremely difficult this year. i dont' knowwhy but i think it had to do with becoming a grandmother. it is finally hitting me in the head that i am no longer young. my children are grown and gone and it is just david and me. oh and his mother of course. my parents are gone and i am the grown up for sure. i don't like the feeling. but anyway, i called my psychiatrist and made an appointment to see him and hopefully start back on the anti depressants. i can't keep going through these waves of depression. not sure if it is stroke related or menopause related but it doesn't really matter. i just know that i can't function like that again. there was no joy in anything and eachand every day seemed like a huge hurdle to be jumped. but now for some reason it all seems to have lifted. the only things that have changed are that i had an honest conversation with david and i lost 6 lbs. i have recommitted to getting myself to exercise class 3x a week and eating better. i have no idea where the strength came to make those decisions. i just know that something shifted. and the days don't seem so long anymore. so now it's the countdown to the baby. i am hoping that she will be born on march 23 which will be the 5th anniversary of my stroke. it would be so nice to have something positive to think about every year from now on.

Today david and i packed up the last of the christmas decorations. tomorrow i'll start on the tree. and then i can start concentrating on the shower. next week i intend to start making the food and freezing it. organizing this is fun now. until next time