Tony's Blog

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# 3



of course I had nightmares last night and woke up in a panic after about one hour of sleep. This happens every night to varying degrees. I almost always wake up checking to see if my body still works. I also wake up several times throughout the night with an alarmed feeling. I think my subconscious is still reeling.


Overall, had a decent day. Walked a little. Developed a headache half way through the day, took 1000mg ibuprofen and felt better. I felt disconnected from reality for most of the day. Walking seems to help.


Noticed my lymph nodes below my ears were swelling more when I was up and walking. These nodes had been hard and large all of my life but I started to think that since these nodes are so close to my carotid arteries that this may have been a contributor to the stroke. Despite a possible connection, this is just one more health problem I should pay attention to.


Twice tonight I was watching tv and a person was horribly harmed and both times I felt very ill. It was as if this were happening in real life. I almost had a panic attack and had to change the channel. One instance was a man with a brain injury which was very upsetting because it was gruesome. I first noticed this problem immediately after the adverse reaction to the SSRI over 3 years ago. TV would effect me as if it were real. It was extremely emotionally intense and draining but I had not had this problem (or noticed it) for several months. I guess the SSRI damage is permanent and probably is more noticeable during times of stress or weakness...and especially after another brain injury such as stroke.


I feel as if I am making very small progression.


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The nightmares are alarming. The panic attacks that follow are bad. It is scary that the movies seem so real to you.


Progress is sometimes slow. But, I must encourage you to keep working. It does pay off. The payoff may be small, but any forward advancement is cause for celebration.


The SSRI damage is interesting.

What happened?


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I have never dealt with what you are going through, but I can imagine how scary it is to wake up in the middle of night scared. hope you feel better soon. I have learned in my life as long as I keep marching on in my life. life does have its way to find new normalcy.




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