I slept 2 hours and woke up with a panic attack. I had a rapid heart rate but it quickly slowed when I calmed myself down. There is something about being in sleep mode which seems to alter my brain's way of reacting to fear. I guess it is normal to think poorly while in a state of sleep or semi-sleep.

I went back to sleep and slept well for 5 more hours.

Unfortunately immediately after waking I sat up and was incredibly dizzy. So dizzy that I had to lay back down. It took about 15 minutes before I could stand, which wasn't pleasant because I had to pee really bad. I was concerned. I don't know why I was so dizzy but I suspect that the weather change (front/rain) or a possible ear infection might be to blame. I have had a headache most of the day but haven't been as dizzy as when I woke up.

My ears ring sometimes, they are ringing a bit today. After the SSRI poisoning (serotonin syndrome) my ears would ring constantly for over a year. After that they would ring off and on sometimes for hours or days. For a long time this seemed to get better but a lot of CNS problems I had from the SSRI that were getting better have popped up since the stroke.

I have had certain lymph nodes 2 cm below my ears that are swollen like stones and have been for years. Doctors don't have a clue as to what they are but sometimes they seem to swell and I wonder if anyone else has this. They are two finger-tips below my ear and feel as though they are about 2.5 cm around. I would suspect an infection (although they are never sore) but I have had them for over 20 years so I am perplexed.

At this point, I assume people might think I am a hypochondriac. But I only mention things that I believe are out of the ordinary and aren't trivial life issues that happen naturally. Are there doctors or specialists who really care and research complicated health issues for their patients? I haven't had much luck.

The headache has lasted all night and has reached migraine level. Painkillers aren't working which sucks. Now my neck is tense and hurts also. Uck.

I did walk about a mile tonight but am still tired from walking yesterday. I take breaks while walking. I don't see how anyone could hold a job at all with the position I am in. If I were to try and work, I would have to rest often and most days I couldn't even make it to work. And I can't drive yet so I would have to get transportation. I am not strong enough to walk to the bus stop. And if I had a panic attack, I would be useless. I hate this. The future is so difficult to predict.

Finally took a lot of ibuprofen again and the headache is now manageable. I hope I can sleep well. As usual, I fear the panic while sleeping but I will not worry about it.

I appreciate all the info that has been givin for guidance. I read all the comments and they are very helpful and reassuring.

Having no spouse is difficult. I have seen couples make it through difficult times only because they had each other. I have always been independent but now I am not and I am more fully realizing what important support I am missing. In turn, I have been there for no one when I had a lot to give...well not there for a spouse anyway. My plan was to retire first and then marry (:

That's enough jibber jabber. I hope tomorrow isn't awful.