Tony's Blog

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# 5


wdtony

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I slept 2 hours and woke up with a panic attack. I had a rapid heart rate but it quickly slowed when I calmed myself down. There is something about being in sleep mode which seems to alter my brain's way of reacting to fear. I guess it is normal to think poorly while in a state of sleep or semi-sleep.

 

I went back to sleep and slept well for 5 more hours.

 

Unfortunately immediately after waking I sat up and was incredibly dizzy. So dizzy that I had to lay back down. It took about 15 minutes before I could stand, which wasn't pleasant because I had to pee really bad. I was concerned. I don't know why I was so dizzy but I suspect that the weather change (front/rain) or a possible ear infection might be to blame. I have had a headache most of the day but haven't been as dizzy as when I woke up.

 

My ears ring sometimes, they are ringing a bit today. After the SSRI poisoning (serotonin syndrome) my ears would ring constantly for over a year. After that they would ring off and on sometimes for hours or days. For a long time this seemed to get better but a lot of CNS problems I had from the SSRI that were getting better have popped up since the stroke.

 

I have had certain lymph nodes 2 cm below my ears that are swollen like stones and have been for years. Doctors don't have a clue as to what they are but sometimes they seem to swell and I wonder if anyone else has this. They are two finger-tips below my ear and feel as though they are about 2.5 cm around. I would suspect an infection (although they are never sore) but I have had them for over 20 years so I am perplexed.

 

At this point, I assume people might think I am a hypochondriac. But I only mention things that I believe are out of the ordinary and aren't trivial life issues that happen naturally. Are there doctors or specialists who really care and research complicated health issues for their patients? I haven't had much luck.

 

The headache has lasted all night and has reached migraine level. Painkillers aren't working which sucks. Now my neck is tense and hurts also. Uck.

 

I did walk about a mile tonight but am still tired from walking yesterday. I take breaks while walking. I don't see how anyone could hold a job at all with the position I am in. If I were to try and work, I would have to rest often and most days I couldn't even make it to work. And I can't drive yet so I would have to get transportation. I am not strong enough to walk to the bus stop. And if I had a panic attack, I would be useless. I hate this. The future is so difficult to predict.

 

Finally took a lot of ibuprofen again and the headache is now manageable. I hope I can sleep well. As usual, I fear the panic while sleeping but I will not worry about it.

 

I appreciate all the info that has been givin for guidance. I read all the comments and they are very helpful and reassuring.

 

Having no spouse is difficult. I have seen couples make it through difficult times only because they had each other. I have always been independent but now I am not and I am more fully realizing what important support I am missing. In turn, I have been there for no one when I had a lot to give...well not there for a spouse anyway. My plan was to retire first and then marry (:

 

That's enough jibber jabber. I hope tomorrow isn't awful.

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Tony:

 

Sorry you had hard day, hopefully tomorrow qill be better. I stroked at 34 which left me paralysed on my left side. I don't know what I would have done without my family support. My marriage has become stronger after my marriage, though lot of marriages break post stroke though some do become stronger. I feel fortunate that I am in second category. my hubby & my Strokenet buddies are always there to get me out of funk state. you should try to join us in our chatroom also we have scheduled chates on weekdays from 3-4 & weeknights from 8-9 EST.

 

Asha

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I fully intend on joining the chats. I am trying to get my life together and my father has been taking care of me and helping me. Sometimes due to his schedule I am unable to join the chat time.

 

It is great to hear that your marriage became stronger. I think tough times are a test of sorts. When I had my first brain injury, my relationship with my girlfriend was tested and we broke up. Strangely enough it was my recovery and independence that was responsible for the break-up. When I was weak and unable to care for myself, she was very content (which I am still extremely appreciative for and I thank her for that) but it was to be the demise of our relationship.

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