Tony's Blog

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# 12


wdtony

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Slept a bit better last night, only woke up with panic once. I went to the doctor and we talked about how all of my tests came back normal and that there is no known cause for the stroke(s). He asked me to take zocor but I told him I would like to get my cholesterol down naturally and that I don't want to take any more medicine than I have to. He said that zocor and other statins have an anti-inflammatory effect and that I should consider taking it even if my numbers look good. At this time, I don't agree.

 

I still feel a bit shaky today, even though I am a lot better than yesterday. I still get tired very easily. Although on days like today, I can't complain.

 

I took a short walk with my father today. We talked about the insomnia that I have had most of my life. I did some research online and found exactly what I have been going through. It turns out that there is a sleep disorder that is called Delayed Sleep Phase Syndrome. It describes the exact type of insomnia that I have and I am going to talk to the doctor about this next week. I believe this is genetic because my mother and grandfather both had major difficulty all through their lives with sleep.

 

At this point, I believe that stress and the chronic sleep deficiency could be major contributors to the stroke(s), if not the only contributors. I am suspicious that the migraines are from the same causes. I am also sure I have had anxiety most of my life but I do not believe I would have been so anxious had I been able to sleep well all through the years. Another factor is the damage to my neurons by the SSRI adverse reaction that caused the serotonin syndrome. Why do I keep having syndromes? I have always known that I am sensitive but I was also very tough. Now I am falling apart.

 

I am not feeling great tonight. I have a disconnected feeling and some pressure in my head. It is almost like a sinus headache. I am also very tired. Sometimes I feel like I should cry but I don't know how to do it. I start to tear up and then it is gone. There is a tightness in my gut and I know I am very depressed but I have no place to go with it. It's hard to explain. Maybe I am mentally ill. I just hope I can sleep tonight.

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I hope you are able to get some uninterrupted and much needed sleep. This can cause so much havoc to your body.

 

Your blogs come feom the soul and I enjoy your writing skills. We are here for you.

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I hope you are able to get some uninterrupted and much needed sleep. This can cause so much havoc to your body.

 

Your blogs come feom the soul and I enjoy your writing skills. We are here for you.

 

Thank you Stessie, I didn't really write them for any reason except to document my thoughts and significant events. My mind is so disorganized, I was once so regimented but now I can't concentrate and everything is out of order. I am wobbling around here on the strokenet site but I can't keep focused. Maybe things will improve.

 

gooodnight.

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Tony:

 

I have found writing blogs very therupetic, when I culd not cry and feel my chest tighting. blogging for me huge relief to get some relief. please believe that things are going to turn around for better. just hangon during your low time. good times and bad times in life is part of our lifecycle. & I believe your good time is just around the bend.

 

Asha

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Tony:

 

I have found writing blogs very therupetic, when I culd not cry and feel my chest tighting. blogging for me huge relief to get some relief. please believe that things are going to turn around for better. just hangon during your low time. good times and bad times in life is part of our lifecycle. & I believe your good time is just around the bend.

 

Asha

 

Yes, there is a tightness in the lower chest for me. And there are cycles always which are difficult to describe. After my first brain injury, for instance, and after several months, there were some days I could do "some" work but most days I could not leave the house. When I would go to the doctor, he would say, "you look fine to me...you can probably go back to work". But he did not see me on the majority of days where I was curled up in a fetal position or when I would have a panic attack out of the blue and start running down the street to calm the demons (so to speak). I was never able to return to full time work in almost 4 years. The lows of these cycles are debilitating as most who might be reading this are well aware. I look forward to the better days (:

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Tony: I have been following your blogsthat pst week or so and am so glad you are doing that. A good chronicle of your activities and feelings will help you sort out what you feel is happening to your body.. Also, I think talking with your Dad is immensly therapeutic, who knows you better? You may never find a reason for your stroke, but in reading your posts, I think you also may be coming to that realization. You accept what you have been handed and move on. One thing I do want you to think about is that high blood pressure and cholesterol are 97% heredity. You can not change your make up. It is predestined. Example: my Bruce is 1/4 Native American. His blood pressure is so low for a 60 year old male, desk job, no exercise, that I used to bring him to my EMT classes for testing of my students. Didn't help him in the long run tho. Keep up the exercise and activity. You will get through this. Debbie

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Thanks Debbie,

 

Even though I don't want to waste anyone's time by making them read these blog entries, it is nice to have some feedback.

 

Tony

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