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Surviving but stressed!


CagedBird

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Thanks everyone for your comments to my last entry. You were right. Phil wants me back now but it still hurts when I think of how he hurt me so I have cut off contact with him for now. I am still trying to use my left arm. I wish my wrist was more straight. My friends have been tagging me in lots of pictures on facebook and the first thing I notice is my bent wrist. The baclofen is bittersweet. It straightend my fingers so I can hold thing and stretch them out but it keeps my wrist bent. My wrist is so bent, I cant touch my arm with my finger tips sometimes. I still wear my wrist support but it doesn't seem to make a difference. :( I am glad to be remembering not to neglect my left arm though. The other day I had bags on my right shoulder so I put one in my left hand so I could use my right hand to do other things. I actually carried the bag in my left hand without dropping it. One night I fell asleep with my arm completely straight even though I don't think it was straight when I woke up. I just feel like if I can't use i like I want, at least I can keep it straight and make it appear functional? I dont know.

I celebrated my 9 year stroke anniversary on Monday. I started to write a poem but did not finish it. It was basically about how I enjoy the simple things in life. I thanked God for being able to bathe myself, get dressed, do my hair, walk outside my room to the dining hall, and eat breakfast. 9 years ago I had to get sponge bathed by a nurse, I could only wear a hospital gown, I did not even have anough strength to lift my head from the pillow, and I was being fed a liquid diet trapped in the intensive care unit. I always have to remind myself of an old fortune cookie I will never forget. "Don't let great ambitions overshadow small successes." I am not where I want to be but I thank God I am not where I used to be. My weekend was wonderful also. I traveled out of town for a state conference with my sorority sisters and fraternity brothers. All I could think of was the weekend I was stuck in intensive care, the weekends I was stuck at home with no friends. This weekend I took joy in riding in the car watching power lines and green pastures fly by my window. I wore my pixie skirt showing my brace and when people asked, I told them what happened. I really enjoyed just getting out of town and having fun with my sorority. I remember last year I was depressed on my stroke anniversary so this weekend was a great distraction from that depression. I also told my story to one of the faculty at my school and he is going to put it in the newspaper :Clap-Hands: This morning I also shared my story to a group of freshmen girls and motivated them to do well in school like I did! I hope I got through to them. It's hard to tell my story without feeling like people feel sorry for me. Anybody ever feel that way? Well I hope they got the picture that I am a survivor not a victim. Speaking of, I walked 3 miles at the Heart Walk! My whole university participated in it this year. It really made me feel good. I might can't walk in a straight line and I might have a limp but I am so thankful I can walk!

I need everyone's prayers! School has been sooo stressful. I dropped two of my clubs, but I joined another one and everything is stressing me out. I got 2 Bs on my midterms :( I really pray I get all As by the end of the semester so I can be val or salutatorian. My professors convinced me to go to graduate school so on top of studying for my 6 classes, being active in 4 clubs, I am also studying for the GRE!

Well I have to work on some papers now. Hopefully I will finally get time to join chat tonight

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Katrina, I just loved your blog, as you say this year's anniversary is so much better than last year's as you feel so much better in yourself.

 

You can be so good as a mentor and role model with all you have done in your recovery. I am glad you got to talk to the freshman girls, no-one could doubt your courage and how you have made the most of your opportunities despite the set-back you have had to face.

 

Well done you, you are a champion!

 

Sue.

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Katrina:

 

your blog made my day, I am so happy you are seeing how far you have come from where you were 9 years ago. life is going to be great, you are being great rolemodel to lot of kids & adults. Go for graduate studies. education is never wasted. I had finished my masters prestroke but while I was pregnant with my son, working full time & taking full load of classes at school such that I finish my graduate studies before my baby was born.

 

Asha

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I remember you said you got a brace for your hand/arm you can sleep in, but maybe when you aren't too busy you can wear it some in the daytime. My wrist is bent too but I can carry a walmart bag. I'm so thankful too that I can walk but I need my scooter.

 

You can thank God you have come a long way and you are alive. I do every day he sends.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

i

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Katrina,

I am so happy that this anniversary was better than past ones. you are moving on and doing so well. I am so proud of you. Sharing your story is good. Stroke needs to be publicized

You give me hope.

Keep up the good work. You are working so hard and it shows.

Ruth

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