Another pre-Christmas day. Everyone and they mom is out and about. Online shopping is the way we went. Too crazy too go out. Have to go out tomorrow but only for a few things for my neices. Starting taking my anti-depressants two days ago. I'm hoping that I start to see a change here soon. I've lost almost 50 pounds in the last year and it's help me so much in way of my self esteem, but since this, I've gained back 15 of that and not feeling so hot. Not to mention I'm angry and irritated all the time. I don't like mood stabilizer. I don't think that they are nessecary most of the time, but I think that with this, seeing that I have tryed everything to try and calm myslef down and nothing really is working, I've come to realize that this might be my last resort and as of now, I'm taking it. I can't do and be like this anymore. It almost seems like i can't control it no matter what I do or how hard I try to. It's making all of is uneasy and miserable. I'm actually looking forward to it because I haven't had any side effects surface yet so it seems as of now that i will most likely stay on them. Who knows though? Took a lot of my Christmas money and went and printed out some pictures of me. Charlie, Trinity, and my sisters and family, and went and got frames and just hung up a massive amount of photos on my walls in my house, lol. It's nice to walk around my house and see my sisters who I rarely ever get to see, and be reminded of the love me and Charlie share for each other and how emersed I am in my daughter. Makes my house feel like a home. And it gave me something to do. I got cleared to go back to physcial therapy my my nuerologist which I'm so excited about. Now they want to add excerises to work my the weakness in the right side of my body on top of the work being done on my neck, shoulders and lower back, so I'm going to be spending a lot of time there. And on top of that, Trinity goes to my physical therapist for her back tues and thurs and I attend mon wed and fri so I'm there five daysd a week. Lol. They are thinking of adding me to the payroll, lol. Hopefully I will be cleared to go back to the gym. I dpen two to three days a week for 2 hours there. I miss it. Things are progressively getting back to normal other than the arteries being clotted closed still. Always on my mond and stopps me from doing somethings because I'm afraid but if they think that I will be okay doing them, I'm tired of living in fear, and i will start doing them again. i want my life back. We'll see. Watching A-Team with Charlie. Spending a late might with him just hanging out. He doesn't have work tomorrow. Good night all . BTW, thanks to you all who are always there gining me advice. It means the world to me. Its nice to have someone who knows what I mean and know what I am going through.