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Another pre-Christmas day. Everyone and they mom is out and about. Online shopping is the way we went. Too crazy too go out. Have to go out tomorrow but only for a few things for my neices. Starting taking my anti-depressants two days ago. I'm hoping that I start to see a change here soon. I've lost almost 50 pounds in the last year and it's help me so much in way of my self esteem, but since this, I've gained back 15 of that and not feeling so hot. Not to mention I'm angry and irritated all the time. I don't like mood stabilizer. I don't think that they are nessecary most of the time, but I think that with this, seeing that I have tryed everything to try and calm myslef down and nothing really is working, I've come to realize that this might be my last resort and as of now, I'm taking it. I can't do and be like this anymore. It almost seems like i can't control it no matter what I do or how hard I try to. It's making all of is uneasy and miserable. I'm actually looking forward to it because I haven't had any side effects surface yet so it seems as of now that i will most likely stay on them. Who knows though? Took a lot of my Christmas money and went and printed out some pictures of me. Charlie, Trinity, and my sisters and family, and went and got frames and just hung up a massive amount of photos on my walls in my house, lol. It's nice to walk around my house and see my sisters who I rarely ever get to see, and be reminded of the love me and Charlie share for each other and how emersed I am in my daughter. Makes my house feel like a home. And it gave me something to do. I got cleared to go back to physcial therapy my my nuerologist which I'm so excited about. Now they want to add excerises to work my the weakness in the right side of my body on top of the work being done on my neck, shoulders and lower back, so I'm going to be spending a lot of time there. And on top of that, Trinity goes to my physical therapist for her back tues and thurs and I attend mon wed and fri so I'm there five daysd a week. Lol. They are thinking of adding me to the payroll, lol. Hopefully I will be cleared to go back to the gym. I dpen two to three days a week for 2 hours there. I miss it. Things are progressively getting back to normal other than the arteries being clotted closed still. Always on my mond and stopps me from doing somethings because I'm afraid but if they think that I will be okay doing them, I'm tired of living in fear, and i will start doing them again. i want my life back. We'll see. Watching A-Team with Charlie. Spending a late might with him just hanging out. He doesn't have work tomorrow. Good night all . BTW, thanks to you all who are always there gining me advice. It means the world to me. Its nice to have someone who knows what I mean and know what I am going through. bow.gif


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hi jillian:


I had same reservation about antidepressant, I used to feel people who are cookoo need those pills. But when I started taking them it was life saver for me. It allowed me to look at the other positives in my life without getting teary & emotional. Though sometimes you still need to get dosage adjusted. I was on it for couple of years till I got my footing on the ground and acceptance (which does not mean giving up but accepting what life was at that time, it does not mean it's not going improve or change). Though after few years on it, I slowly weaned myself off them. Though I think along with it reading lot of selfhelp books also helped me accept my new normal.



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hay girl this is ken hang in there i am going in jan to a new shrink who may be able to fine tune my meds as they are not as good know as they where i think and this just me after a while your body can get use to them and u need to fine tune them as i have pba i am hopping he might try the new fda approved drug that is comeing out might help with mood swings and the prozac is not working as well so maybe something else but all have to work with bloodthiners and statanes a lot of different things with many diff. druges i pray this doc is the one who can over see all my meds if so you too can find someone who can help u donot give up do not ring the bell with you and yours praying for all of us ken

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I started to see a change today. It's a lot better. I'm not getting irritated over nothing or extrememly angry about nothing or little things setting me off. I feel great today. Thanks you guys.

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