Just venting
Im just tired. Its too hard to try. Its so much easier to give up. I have to speak again on April 16th about my testimony. My last speech was about Overcoming Obstacles. To overcome obstacles simply means I succeed in dealing with obstacles that hinder my progress. I just wish those obstacles would go away. It was simple to ignore my physical disabilities and focus on succeeding academically but what do I do now? What do I do now that I have accomplished all of my goals and the things I really want to do are beyond my control? It gets hard pretending like Im happy all the time to be everyone else's inspiration. I feel so incomplete. Nothing is fun to me. I am so focused on getting better that I don't like the person I am now. I showed my dad my plaque because I won Who's Who Among Students in American Colleges & Universities. He looked at it and said what else is new. I can't do much better than being the valedictorian. My accomplishments arent even important, they're expected. I still havent heard from the DMV medical review board. I turned my paperwork in December. They have people out here drunk driving, shooting people for hitting them, shooting people over road rage yet IM the one who is a danger to others on the toad because of a disability that I didnt ask for and have no control over. Im tired of my family treating me like Im still a kid taking turns to drive me around. Everyone wants to know where Im going and what Im doing and then say Im being unreasonable when I get mad about not being able to be independent. I exercised my left hand all day now my good (right) arm is aching trying to finish typing this. No one helps me exercise, No one believes in me or supports me. All I ever been good at is school but now that Im done, Im just not good at anything. I dont want to go back for grad school because I will never be able to do better than my perfect undergraduate years. I would probably drop out trying to meet everyone's expectations. I feel like the caged bird again. All I do is lay in bed all day. I cant drive so I cant go anywhere and when I do want to go somewhere I have to find someone to drive me. Every guy I meet wants an adventurous girl who can keep up with his active lifestyle. I try to be that girl but its super hard when half of my body doesnt work. My good arm is hurting too bad to keep typing. I guess I will try to go to bed since I have pt (pointless therapy) in the morning
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