Creativity [it's gone for me]

[Yelyena]

CreativityFor me is gone. I used to be able to think of things to do for money, for recreation, for anything. I feel like a lump on a log without thoughts at all. Anyone else out there like this since stroke? :2cents: I'm not on medication, although I wish I cld get the Cymbalta, so thatz not the reason. I read about other stroke survivors doing some pretty creative things and wish it were me.

Ellen N. : :nuhuh:

[bstockman]

Hi Ellen, I also felt for a lump for awhile. I did start to crochet again.. my frst attempts were not that great, but the Dr and PT were so excited, because it was great therapy for my affected hand.

 

I still crochet, but i use easy to medium patterns that do not have a lot of chnges. I have not started painting again, (ceramics) but I hope to soon.

 

I think part of the problem is getting motivated... we lose some of the drive and motivation with stroke. Also loss of the "sense" of time.

 

When I get up, or the evening before I got to bed, I try to have a little plan of chores, or things to get done for the day... I try to set a routine and goals for the day. Otherwise I can kind of wander aimlessly through the day....

 

 

[tom71]

Ellen,

I too was almost that "lump", but I refused to allow myself to just sit around and vegetate, You may have a form of depression that meds like cymbalta could help with,talk with your doctor and see what he recommends, I was put on Effexor for awhile but it didn't help, I knew the only thing that would make me feel better was returning to work, but being a diesel mechanic with only the use of 1 arm would be impossible, so I started to explore other options for work where I finaly found smething, now I've been back to work 40-60 hours per week for about 4 months and I feel great, tired but great! :big_grin:

God Bless,

tom

[jwatrous]

No, I have not experienced what you are going thru, sorry , but for me, frustration comes in to me, as I can think of many things to do, play piano, give lessons, but as I can't physically do them any more, this is my hurt, but sorry for yours

June

[jriva]

.

 

Yelyena,

 

How long ago was your stroke? I'm just wondering if it isn't too soon after a major life-altering event to expect the return of your creative thoughts. I have not had a documented stroke but I'm a very artistic person and I know it's extremely hard to feel creative when you are under a lot of stress, when you mind weighted down with worry. My artistic persuits have been on hold a lot since my husband's stroke. The muse just isnt' there anymore.

 

We used to have a member here who wrote once about it taking several years before her artistic thoughts came back. But they did come back.

 

Jean

[Yelyena]

First thank you all for adding your thoughts!!

Well I am 18mos post stupid stroke and getting pretty darn impatient

I don't smile much anymore and have problems w/ppl. :Tantrum:

You're right MOTIVATION is NOT there. I am depressed A LOT but can't get anti depressants 'cause so far I can't get insurance. I may try and get some off the net & put on my CC. I hear Cymbalta is good and for the lack of energy. SO else mentioned trazadone. I was on Prozac and VERY happy but lost touch w/reality so got off. Any other suggestions?

 

Ellen N. in Phoenix, AZ where we had RAIN last night. THIS was good.

[kkholt]

http://www.aachc.org/memberslist.html

 

Ellen - Check this site out to find a clinic close to you. They provide care for un and under-insured people, including medications at a reduced fee.

 

There are LOTS of mental health medications, keep trying till you find one that works and you can afford.

 

-Karen

[Yelyena]

Wow thank you so much. I will phone on Tuesday. I knowI will feel that much better being under medical care!!!! Yipee.

[glaidice]

HI ELLEN - SORRY FOR YOUR PAIN - I TOO AM A CREATIVE PERSON IN THAT I PAINT AND DRAW. I'M 2-1/2 YEARS POST STROKE AND HAVN'T PAINTED A DARN THING EVEN THOUGH I HAVE BEAUTIFUL NEW ART SUPPLIES. I'M RECENTLY MARRIED AT 57 YEARS OLD WITH A NEW STEP SON 13 - MY HUSBAND IS 64 SO MY DAY IS QUITE FULL AS MY HUSBAND GETS ATTACKS OF GOUT AND HAS GRAND MAL SEIZURES RECENTLY DIAGNOSED AS A RESULT FROM HIS STROKE 13 YEARS AGO. WE CAREGIVE EACH OTHER. ALTHOUGH MY LEFT SIDE IS AFFECTED I DO HOUSEWORK, COOK, DRIVE AND IN GENERAL JUST KEEP ON KEEPIN ON EVEN THO SOMETIMES I FEEL OVERWHELMED BECAUSE SOMETIMES I JUST SIMPLY WANT TO PAINT OR DO SOME OTHER CREATIVE THING. ORDER SOME NEW BOOKS ON CERAMICS MAYBE THAT WILL GET YOU GOING - BUY A SET OF PLAIN DRINKING GLASSES AND PAINT FLOWERS ON THEM - ANYTHING TO GET OUT OF THAT DEPRESSION. I DON'T HAVE TIME TO BE DEPRESSED - DIDN'T KNOW I'D BE A PARENT AGAIN AT THIS AGE. I HAVE A NICE HUBBY AND JUST DEAL WITH THE HAND I WAS DEALT EVEN THO SOMETIMES I WISH I HAD NEVER PLAYED CARDS. :big_grin:

[glaidice]

HI AGAIN - I MET MY HUSBAND AT A HIGH SCHOOL REUNION FOR HIS SCHOOL A YEAR BEFORE I HAD THE STROKE. I WAS SUPPOSE TO GO THERE WITH ONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS BUT AT THE LAST MINUTE SHE COULDN'T GO, SO I WENT ANYWAY. I HAD BEEN THERE A COUPLE OF HOURS, DANCED A LITTLE AND HAD DECIDED TO LEAVE WHEN I SAW THIS WELL DRESSED, HANDSOME GUY COME IN. BEING THE RESPECTFUL LADY I AM I WAITED TO SEE IF HE WAS MEETING SOMEONE (I GAVE IT 5 MINUTES) AND THEN BOLDLY WALKED OVER AND ASKED IF HE WOULD LIKE TO DANCE HIS REPLY WAS THAT HE WOULD BE HONORED ---- THE REST IS HISTORY WE'VE BEEN TOGETHER 4 YRS NOW. WHEN I HAD MY MASSIVE STROKE HE WAS THERE FOR ME AND WE ELOPED AND MARRIED IN THE LITTLE WHITE CHAPEL IN LAS VEGAS LAST JULY BUT - THIS IS GOING TO SOUND CRAZY BUT HE GOES TO THE VETERANS HOSPITAL FOR ANY MEDICAL TREATMENTS AND I'VE NOTICED AND CHATTED WITH SEVERAL SINGLE GENTLEMEN THERE. THE CAFETERIA HAS SUPER GOOD FOOD AND IF I WAS SINGLE AGAIN I WOULD PROBABLY HAVE LUNCH THERE FROM TIME TO TIME - MANY OF THE GUYS SEEM SOMEWHAT LONELY AND LOOKING FOR CONVERSATION, BUT I ALWAYS LET THEM KNOW I'M HAPPILY MARRIED. A LOT OF GUYS THERE HAVE PHYSICAL PROBLEMS AND THE LIKE JUST AS WE DO BUT STILL DESIRE COMPANIONSHIP. OBVIOUSLY I'M ADVENTUROUS EVEN THOUGH I'M SHY. I JUST FIGURE THAT THE WORST THAT CAN HAPPEN IS A NO THANK YOU ANSWER - WHICH IS NOT A REJECTION BUT JUST THAT YOU'RE SIMPLY NOT THAT PERSON'S TYPE. YOU HAVE BEAUTIFUL CREATIVE SKILLS - GET THE HECK OUT OG THAT DEPRESSION AND USE THEM. WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER REMEMBER. :hug:

[Yelyena]

Well Glaidice, thank you. I'll be looking for a VA hospital here in Phx. soon. What a lovely story!! Every night I tell myself I will wake up not depressed but it ain't workin'. The rain here has been really nice; I do focus on the positive!! I am appealing the decline of my app for insurance here; got the amounts I paid to Kaiser today so I am NOT sitting on my bum. Monday I phone for an appt to appeal their decision.

Back to you, your story really made me feel warm AND it was heartening so there!

I'll make it sooner or later and I do Not fear death so what the hay.

Hugs, E.N.

[Shelly]

This Blog. was so great for me to look over ever ones thoughts When I first knew that I had a stroke from my car accindent , I initnally did not comprehend the full scope of what was happening I thought grreat I'm gonna get to be this wonder ful expressive "Artis" Boy was I off there 's still hope I do get cravings to paint so I went ahead I bought a color by number 123 I've been so busy so I havn't got it done yet I've learned from being an avid gardener to reling en friends and family to water my plants they tried :blush: now after a few years the urge is there but I started out small with an orcid it was so exciting when new leaves sprouted :cheer: it lives and has bloom twice life is good now there is a flower box that is thriving and late early eving I hoed and cultavaed a new small bed simple stuff I realize it's not art work per say but it is a type of creativitness to it and it to awhile now my next goal is spacing for me that was affected as well the plants need to breath :dribble: anyway something that really helps me is reflecting how far 've come it really makes my day plus cymbalta dose help and I've notice that the more I push myself to expend energy the more energy I have and talking to a friend who has a PHD in phys. has help too.he has told me to be depress but also decied for how long fo.r the day the hour a month what eer it is do it at a 100% if this is not good for you . than dont take the chance you know what might work for you it's just a thought but love yourself and your new body give it a timeimy new motto is I want to do life it dose get better it really dose. "rest if you must yet you mustent Quit. thanks for letting me ramble I love you all were gonna get through this God vwilling :Clap-Hands: Shelley

[Guest mjh]

I have very similar problems, a burning desire to be creative that simply will not go away but so much noise in my head that I can never seem to concentrate. I especially get frustrated when other people are around me. I had a bleed in my thalamus about 8 years ago, went back to work after three months but eventually went on to disability two years later. Seems the only thing I get to do now is menial domestic duties. I'm a fully qualified house husband. And please don't tell me I should get my fulfillment from that because I don't. I'm angry and frustrated, countless professional sessions did nothing for me, medications did nothing for me.

[Yelyena]

Boy do I know how you feel. MENIAL, menial, menial. Are you in a place where you can garden? If I was I would plant vegies, herbs and flowers but I'm not so itza mute point. I hope to get some counseling in the future and maybe some drugs and eventually a p/t job. Right now I read so I don't completely loose it. Never liked the television and THAT hasn't changed. Oh bummers to all of us who feel this lack of creativity. I know a man from another stroke board who wrote a book about his stroke and experiences!! Sheesh I have trouble making a phone call!!! :blush:

 

Oh well right? :hehehe:

Ellen in Phx., AZ

[Guest mjh]

Despite anger and frustration, somehow I never totally lose hope.

 

I read and listen to the NON-COMMERCIAL radio (BBC and NPR) but television is an absolute no-no in my world. Oh! And I trim the roses and pick up the dog poop off the back yard.

 

Counselling. Medications. Ultimately it all has to come from inside.

 

I recently read a book called "If you meet Buddah on the road, kill him" (ISBN: 0553278320), available at www.bn.com and found a lot of wise words. It's a strange title but essentially it says what I just said - it all has to come frome inside.

[bstockman]

I read recently that listening to music, through headphones is very helpful for pain, depression.

 

I am not able to return to work because of cognitive defiits. I do keep busy with housework, laundry, etc. I do like to cook and bake. We have acreage. so I am lucky that i can go outside and watch the birds and it is quiet here.

 

I do try to set a bit of a routine or certain things I would like to get done in the day. I find now I get distracted quite easily and can have 10 things started and nothing finished.

 

It is getting easier and I make time to do things I enjoy.

 

Even if you can't plant a full size garden, they have little containers for herb gardens, if you have a patio you could plant a little container there.

 

Yes healing has to come from within. Sometime medication can help, or therapy.. but you have to find an inner strength and peace.

[slowe]

Rolly make homemade fried apple pies yesterday for the grandgirls (well, we all enjoyed them! (~_~) Probably the most ambitious cooking task he's taken on since his stroke. He was so pleased with himself! He'd about conviced himself he "couldn't do things like that" anymore. Yes, he got tired. But the sense of accomplishment he felt was worth it!

[Guest mjh]

Has anybody got any ideas about how to restore creativity after a stroke.

 

Before my stroke I did a very creative job writing systems software products and creating training courses. I have no formal qualifications (no bachelors degree or masters degree) but my life experience (air force navigator, 30 years of writing computer software, 20 years of teaching computers, pilots licence) is probably the equivalent of a PhD. Unfortunately none have any economic value now even if I could go back to doing them (to fatigued to make it in the real world).

 

Ever since my stroke (and if I admit it, some time before) I have wanted to write fiction both as a vehicle for feeling some sense of purpose in life and as a possible source of at least a modest income. I can think of any number of plot outlines and any number of settings. I have read every book on creative writing that was ever printed (it seems like). I have a love affair with the English language, the sensation of pen on paper is almost better than sex!

 

I even start to write but I get so distracted by life around me that I never get beyond one or two pages before I just lose heart.

 

The fatigue from the stroke (8 years ago) means that if I get involved in "normal" life I am more than exhausted by it and my mind simply turns to mush.

 

I write a daily journal - usually two to four pages a day, often just a banal list of the domestic duties that I have done that day and very often a diatribe of all my anger and frustration at the world and at my condition. I almost always end a day's entries with something along the lines of "...but tomoprrow will be much better...".

 

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone out there??? :throw:

[suebee2]

:2cents: I felt my creatitity was lost for the first 3 years post stroke. I still can't do math and have a hard time with spacial thinking. This summer my garden has looked better than it has :Clap-Hands: . I think we are getting used to a new brain. It would be like waking up in a new body..and not one you liked. Past creative I feel useless sometimes and have a hard time getting over prideful feelings of accomplisment of a high level. I guess you have to accept what you are now. I hope you find where your peace is. :friends: :friends:

[swilkinson]

mjh, why not start an online blog here. Not with your everyday responses to life but some of those plot outlines. You might find someone who is willing to mentor you while you write a book. Look around and see if there is a writers group you could join. Even a published article or accepted short story might step you up to where you want to go. I think you need to have some positive outcomes to get your confidence back.

 

Ellen, maybe you can garden for someone else? I had an aunt who moved into a small apartment. As she went on a walk each day she saw an untended garden. Long story shortened, she made a friend of the lady and together they brought the garden back to life.

 

I guess if you want to be creative you start with the space you have and the materials you have. Put a few pencil marks on a piece of paper and see what appears, write a journal or type a blog. Offer to volunteer at a school, a church club or Seniors centre and see what happens when you are around others. Amazing what stroke survivors can do, you only have to look at the people here to see that.

 

Good luck with it all, Sue.

[hera]

I have to add my thoughts to this discussion. Let me say a bit about myself first. I am a writer and after the stroke, not only was it very distressing to lose the ability to type 80wpm, or type with my eyes shut, but I suddenly had trouble with my vision (left-field cut/left neglect) and could not understand why I had cognitive problems. My written grammar was still perfect, but I had to use the thesaurus a lot more. I could not organize my thoughts, focus on a project, concentrate long enough to write.

 

I was taking college classes. I actually came right out of the hospital, and stayed in an online Technical Communications class, which was writing-intensive. I struggled with it. I earned an A, but it was the hardest A that I EVER earned.

 

Before the stroke, I wrote poetry, erotic stories, compositions, fiction, essays, articles and advertising. Writing has been my life, my passion, my profession.

 

Earlier this year, I had a freelance writing project. It was broadcast advertising copy for an adoption agency, involving conceptual work and dialogue. I would have been able to do this so easily before - but it took me over two months to complete the first draft for four 30 second spots. I was so distressed!

 

I have been able to write a few poems, a couple stories, and I am a volunteer editor on one author site. I just keep pushing, working my brain.

 

I have found out that my stroke occurred in the right frontal parietal lobe, which affects emotions and creativity, organizational thought and cognitive thought. NOW it makes sense to me why I have struggled.

 

I do get side-tracked, and find my days gone with nothing accomplished. But other days, I do manage to achieve a feat that I thought was unattainable. Never quit - tomorrow is another chance to try.

 

Here are some of my accomplishments since the stroke. One thing leads to another. It may be working with children, reading, playing music, painting, gardening, writing, crocheting - it is good medicine for the brain and spirit! Look for Mrs. B - to find my writing This started out as a college assignment - see what it is becoming!I am training my own Service Dog - and we're a team!

 

It is frustrating, but we are survivors. Call me, Stroke Girl!

 

Blessings,

Hera

[pprovost]

Hi,

I used to study piano. In fact, I was a music student at McGill University for 3 years way before my stroke but I loved to play piano after I stopped my french horn. The day i got home from the hospital I sat at my piano and prayed that it would all come back like before. My righ hand placed itself on the keyboard just like before but the left just hung at my side. I felt awful in that moment becaue my music was like therapy for me when i was ever unhappyI would compose New Age melodies as if I was on auto- pilot. Of course, i could play one-handed but it was just not satisfying without harmony.

To make a long story short, I took art classes and learned to paint and sketch. This has enriched my life and made me find creativity in many other activities( cooking decorating gardening)

I highly reccommend it for people who had manual hobbies before their stroke.

 

best,

Pat

[adchill]

I feel the exactly same. I had my stroke july 2006 and I have no creativity. I used to scrapbook and card make and now nothing. Everybody keeps telling me just get back into it but I just don't have a desire. It seems like everything left with the stroke.

 

Amy

[Dickons]

HostBonnie - you mentioned "sense of time" - I have struggled with this since my stroke - I am fine for the week I am in, but no concept of time passing so that it seems only last week I saw someone or did something but in reality it could be last week or 3 months ago - no concept at all - is this what you go through?

 

As to creative - I feel more creative - I have improved on my drawing skills (from stick figure ability) and am trying painting. I really think the creative or non-creative is specifically linked to the area of the stroke - mine was left hemisphere and the right side is the creative side so I feel like at least I have gained something. Before the stroke I was predominantly analytical and no-nonsense - now I have a little of both worlds.

 

Dickons

[fireflylil]

I know what you are saying, I was an accountant,bookkeeper, did crafts galore. and wrote poetry often. You can read my latest poem called "The Stroke" in Inspirational and humor topic. I have trouble concentrating to read or write, but sometimes I can quiet my mind enough. I was inspired to write again after my sister gave me a book by John Fox called Poetic Medicine, The healing art of poem- making. He is also the author of 'finding what you didn't lose". This book got me back into writing again. I need to get inspired again. It is hard. So much has changed, I was never able to go "home" after my stroke a year ago. All of my belongings and craft supplies are packed up (by someone else) an in a storage pod. I used to get out my beads and make necklaces and earrings. Well, now I am getting melancholy. I guess we need to inspire each other! How about getting a Poetry Session going on this site. I am new so help me out here! Anybody in?