Chuck Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hi everyone..my name is Chuck. I've been reading the postings for two days and have finally gotten to nerve to write. I believe I'm in some stage of denial and find it difficult to even post this... but ! ! ! I'm not going to go into great detail but basically I had an episode at work that, according to everyone I talk to ( ER doctors, my personal physician ) and everything I read, that says I had a left sided stroke. I had all the classic symptoms... confusion, difficulty talking ( studdering, not slurred speach ), weakiness on one side, difficulty walking or standing, BP 230/135 on admission to ER etc. etc. In the ER I had a CT ( negative ), cardiac echo ( negative ), carotid echo ( negative ) and contrast MRI that was inconclusive. I was hospitalized for two days and discharged with an unconclusive diagnosis until I visited my physician after the hospitalization. My physician was emphatic that I had a stroke despite the findings from the tests I mentioned based on the symptoms I exhibited and the fact that two weeks later I continue to studder when I talk. I have noticed additional symptoms that seem to b becoming evident to me.. periods of confusion, unable to understand what I am hearing when someone speaks to me, headaches ( a new type..nothing I've experienced before), a swimming sensation in my head, lack of focus, inability to perform multi-part work tasks without significent effort, difficulty reading and comprehending what I've read, and particularly the studdering when I speak. And over the past two days I've become increasing depressed. Two nights before the "episode" I had what I am certain was an episode of Atrial Fib that lasted approximately 30 minutes... I am currently on an event monitor for 30 days to see if it happens again. I was also already on meds for high BP and cholesterol and asprin therapy. I'm now also on Plavix since this all happened. I'm not even sure why I'm writting... I think I am afraid, and I can't seem to find anything on the web about this studdering.... only things about slurred speach. I guess I'm just reaching out right now... Thank you for being there ! Chuck :- ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Chuck, Welcome to the site. Sorry we had to meet you under such circumstances, but you've come to the right place for support and encouragement. There are instances when testing does not conclusively diagnose that a stroke occurred. As your PC has stated he feels you did experience one, I would suggest following up w/him/her as well as seeing a neurologist. The denial you're experiencing is also expected and should dissipate as your brain heals and you learn to cope with what happened. I would also suggest reading A Letter from Your Brain located in Classic Postings and Advice. It has been helpful to many. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Posted March 30, 2007 Author Share Posted March 30, 2007 Thank you Donna...I really appreciate your feedback. I have an appointment with my doctor Monday and have made a list of things to talk about ( based on suggestions I've read here). Are you aware of delayed speech or stuttering as a result of a stroke? This is so wierd, I paint and play the piano, but neither of those were effected. I have tried going back to work but only have stamina to work half days and then I come home and just poop out. Is all of this normal?? ( I know my doctor "should" be able to answer all of these questions for me, but from what I've been reading here I get the impression I shouldn't count on it ). :- ) Chuck Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Chuck, There is still alot of the brain that is, so to speak, unchartered territory and since the strokes affect every one differently, there lies some of the doctor's puzzlement. With me, I say that my brain will "fluff" as I will suddenly forget a thought or a word that I'm trying to get out. If I am tired or not feeling up to par, this "fluffing" is more pronounced. Your stuttering could be related to the stroke especially if you never stuttered before. Since you play the piano, do you also sing? If so, see if the stuttering alleviates while singing. Music therapy may be beneficial - there is information within the site on that too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 Hi Chuck sorry to meet you this way, but happy you found us. As Donna said, some tests can be inclonclusive... I had a clot on the right side.. my left side was affected.. my speech pattern is different, I pause for words and as Donna says it is much more difficult if I am tired or overwhelmed, sometimes I start the same sentence several times before I get it out. After the stroke the first several months I slept a great deal and mental or physical activity was exhausting and I needed naps. This does get better with time. The brain is healing during sleep. The fogginess does get better also. Keep an eye on the headaches.. maybe even a little note pad of when you get them how long they last, etc. If they become more severe or change you may want to get to ER right away. Glad you have a follow up on Monday, but if something doesn't feel right .. go to ER sooner. it is better to be safe than sorry. Keep us posted. You will be in our thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest bessy Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 :Tantrum: welcome chuck you made the right decision by comming ontothestroke net site i have paper and pen in front of me at alltimes i carry 1 them with meevery where cause i dont wantto for get you have joied a greay group of people that i know of if you have a queation all youneed to do is Ask imsuresome one outthere may or may not have anaideaor aoulation hopeto meet you on stroke net soon BESSY :big_grin: :welcome: :welcome: :welcome: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanderson Posted March 30, 2007 Share Posted March 30, 2007 hi chuck, i agree with the above ladies. sounds like you had a stroke or tia to me, sometimes tests don't show everything, i would see a neurologist for a more thorough neuro exam. the things you mentioned, is definitely not normal for you, right. keep a log going to note all of your problems and discuss them with the drs. glad you found the website, great people here, who care, so please keep posting and let us know how you are doing. i hope you start feeling like yourself soon. hostkimmie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dickons Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 Hi Chuck, My stroke did not show on the first CT but it did the next day - I was told it is like a bruise and sometimes takes a while to show up. I lost my speech, my ability to write, short term memory, confusion, etc. Just because you are only stuttering doesn't mean you do not have asphasia, just the degree you were affected. It may be scary and unbelievable to you now but that is because it just happened. Write everything done for the first while as you will not remember it in 6 months. Write questions for you Doctor and write his replies down, I did not write the replies and by the next day had no clue. Take care, Dickons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marybeth Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 When you go back to the doctors, ask for a speech therapy evaluation. There are a whole range of communication disorders after strokes (and it certainly sounds as if you've had one despite the CT/MRI results which can be inconclusive). Speech and language disorders after stroke can cover the entire communciation spectrum from thinking of what you want to say, getting your lips, tongue and breathing coordinated to say it and all the cognitive aspects of saying what you want to say. A good speech pathologist will evaluate where you are having specific difficulties and then develop an appropriate treatment plan. There is also a disorder called neurogenic stuttering that can occur after a stroke. It's rare but it does happen..again, it's best to see a speech pathologist to help diagnose what's going on. Feel free to email me if you have any other questions. Mary beth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fking Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Chuck, Thanks for reading and posting. Welcome, we are here for you, we don't know it all but have so many experiences with all types of strokes. Of course the doctors don't know it all either and in some cases they send people back home without a diagnose only to have them return the next day with a full blown stroke. Your case is proof so stay on site and read more, ask more questions in the different forums, lets learn more from each other. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 I can't thank all of you enough for the replies, support, and information. I did see my physician yesterday, and took a list of issues I'm having. He is going to refer me to a Neurologist, and went on to explain about the type of storke I had ( I believe he said something about cognative Aphasia ). He said the particular area effected was the absolute worst for the type of work that I do ( I am a Network Security Enginer... my job entails highly complex, multi-step tasks that involve indepth analysis, troubleshooting and reasoning ) and I'm just STRUGGLING big time since I've returned to work. I'm only able to work 3-4 hours a day, and then I'm no good. I have such HUGE holes in my abilities now. I am having problems doing some of the most simple things like remembering todays date, or what I was doing two seconds ago. My doctor said he "hoped" to see improvment by this time next year. WHAT??? He said it may, or may not improve to the point that I can continue to work, and that he wanted to put me on Luxapro??? to calm me down because I am becoming so frustrated and emotional. I'm just in shock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Chuck, Glad to hear you're getting some answers, though not the ones you were hoping for. After I first experienced the stroke and was in rehab, I remember advising everyone I was returning to my paid employment position within 3-4 months. I experienced the stroke 2 years ago and am medically retired - though primarily from physical deficits. The doctor giving you the timeline of one year to see progress - this may not be the case. Remember we all heal and recover differently. Gradually, you will learn to accept what occurred and then focus on getting better. Remember to rest....pushing yourself and your brain will only slow the recovery process and/or cause additional problems. There are various things you can do to help stimulate the functioning of the brain cells. Personally, I find computer based games beneficial. In addition, I am an avid reader. I'm sure others will be willing to share their "tools". May I also suggest blogging within our Blog Community. It has been found to be very therapeutic. We have a number of gentleman who blog so it's not just a female pasttime. There are also daily live chat sessions conducted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dickons Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Hi Chuck, Please do not push yourself when you are "done" after a couple of hours - it will do you no good and you will exhaust yourself. If I exhaust myself I am no good for 2-3 days. I am 2 years post stroke and cannot multi-task anymore and I used to be very good at it. I hope you fare better than I, like others have said each stroke is very different even in the same general location. Each of us has unique issues that may be similar but will not be the same. Try very hard not to worry as worry is stress and stress is BAD. Stress will wear you out, it does not matter whether it is happy time stress or bad time stress. Stress used to keep me going - now it shuts me down. I know that is easier said than done but try to think of something else to shut it out. What you are experiencing now will be different than in 6 months, to what degree no one knows but it will be progress. I am so sorry that you have to go through this and everyone here does care and is there for you. Kind regards, Dickons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 Thank you Donna and Dickons... your emails have given me some peace and a sense of hope. Donna... you mentioned blogging. Can you please tell me a little more about what it is. You'd think I'd know, but it's one of those things I have never gotten into. And Dickons... you mentioned the importance of not letting myself get overly stressed and get plenty of rest. I've heard that from several people, but coming from someone that understands the importance of this first hand really made me "hear" it this time. I'm the type that pushes myself through tough times, and I feel like I'm having a hard time not doing that now. I KNOW you are right, but I feel like I ??? shouldn't ??? give into this and take the rest I need, even though everyone at work is telling me the same thing, and even arranging my work so I can. I seem to have this rediculious idea that because I "look" OK, people are going to think I "should" ( I hate shoulds ) be carrying my own weight etc. and I'm afraid that the more rest I get the more they are going to think I'm OK and should be working more. I hear myself, and what I'm saying to you, and realize how rediculious it sounds, but to be honest, I'm just so overwhelmed with things right now that I'm probably not thinking quite rationally. Donna... you also mentioned being medically retired. I have excellent health benifits ( I work for the largest healthcare provider in our state) and have short term, long term and medical disability benifits. I know I'm a long way away from even considering this, but is there anything you can tell me that may help me now in case that does become something I have to look into? Thank you SO much ! Chuck :- ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kanderson Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 chuck, its very hard to come to terms with whats happened, we are not the same anymore, but you can improve. i couldn't return to work either, but thats ok, for now anyway, i am better than i was, the healing is slow sometimes and you can only do so much, so don't stress yourself out, it only makes matters worse, remember you are a survivor now and can get better, rome wasn't built in a day! sorry, i had to throw that one in here. patience and understanding is what new skills you need for recovery. be strong and hang in there, rest as much as you need to, your body and brain are different now. good luck on your recovery, things will look better soon. hostkimmie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dstraugh Posted April 3, 2007 Share Posted April 3, 2007 Chuck, For Blogging........if you are on main message board page, scroll down to Survivor/Caregiver Community. Under there you will see Blog Community. After you click that link and page opens up, you will see 3 important topics listed including blog tutorial and how to post a blog. As to being medically retired, I receive SSDI. I had changed employers within 6 months of the stroke. Since I was still in probationary status and about 2-3 weeks shy of qualifying for longterm disability through work, I was let go as I could not fulfill my duties. I can understand the frustration you are feeling - bet you've always been a type A personality. Been burning the candle at both ends and hoping they didn't meet in the middle. I had that mindset. I KNOW the stroke I experienced was a warning to me and one I cannot now ignore. Had I not changed employers prestroke, I feel I would have suffered a massive coronary. Take care of yourelf. Don't ignore your body's hints. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Posted April 3, 2007 Author Share Posted April 3, 2007 Thank you hostkimmie and Donna.... I'm listening to everything you're telling me :-) ( and Donna...about the type A personality. Yep, you're right, I was,but for the past two or three years I was jokingly referring to myself as a "recovering Type A... I was SO much better than I had been in my earlier years... but this is REALLY going to make me have to take a much more serious, and immediate look at how I have been running my life, huh?? ) Thank you EVERYONE ! Chuck :- ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Hi Chuck, I also tried to push... and found out it doesn't work very well, as Dickon's said then it took 2 or 3 days to get back. I totally understand how frustraiting and scarey this is. I was a Medical Assistant, I felt I would be able to return to work in a few months. I am medically retired, I have cognitive issues ( I am dyslexic now.. more pronounced when tired) My memory is not so sharp and multi tasking now .. is maybe 2 things at once.. For cognitive issues, focus and tracking I also use computer games. I can still get off track easily, I have some minor vision problems. I have found... that when I begin to get tired if I can sit and relax for 10 or 15 minutes I can often get up and do a little more. I try to really priortize what i want/need to get done.. maximize the energy you have. Don't burn out, or push beyond your limits.. Things do get easier and better and we learn we are not "super" human any more. Time to slow down and smell the coffee. We are all here for you and understand your fears and frustrations. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 Good morning Bonnie... Can you tell me a little more about the cognative problems you have? Did they all show up as soon as you had the stroke, or did you notice them as time went along? Were you ever able to return to work, or did you medically retire after the stroke? About this fatigue... many people, you included, talk about the importance of not pushing myself to hard due to the exhaustion. I'm absolutely seeing that if I do, I'm tired, "pooped" and am just not myself for a day or so. Yesterday was a good example.. I went home at 11:30am and literally did nothing but lay on the couch until I went to be bed, and this morning I just feel wiped out. WHY??? What causes this exhaustion? I do see that it's not just me, it seems to be something common with some people who have had a stroke... but why?? What causes it... is it something that will just be part of the way my life is now?? Chuck :- ) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dickons Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Hi Chuck, This is my theory on fatigue after stroke. After I had gotten quite a bit better with my speech my Mom said that although I sounded good there was something still wrong - what was wrong was the slight hesitation / forced sound of the words and I did not pick up on that until Mom said something. I then realized that my speech although good was deliberate not automatic like before when I thought/spoke simultaneously. My brain now works expodentially more now because it is now deliberate versus automatic - hence fatigue. This applies to my writing, thought processing, decision making, just about everything. That is my theory and I am sticking to it. You asked Bonnie about cognitive and whether she knew right away or as time went on. I started back to work part time at 6 months, 6 months later I could identify many gaps that I was not aware of 6 months prior (not that they were better, I just realized they were there). Today I recognise new gaps. It really is a completely new life you are starting on and it will be a roller coaster ride for a while while it becomes your new reality. This is a good thread as you can put forward your questions and we can all answer them and at the same time vent positively about what we have and are going through. I also understand the I look fine concerns - you nailed them on the head (literally). There will be people who just cannot understand and it is tough to not worry about it. Probably a lot of type A people would not understand it because we just pushed through the fatigue before stroke - now willpower will not be enough to push through it because our brain has said enough! Make sure you are applying for all disablity insurance that you qualify for, as you may end up needing it and then having them say you waited to long would be terrible. Talk to your HR Department to make sure they have provided details to your insurer and get copies of everything. Take care, Dickons Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Hi Chuck, I am not sure when the cognitive issues actually showed uo or if it was more than I was aware of them. I had left side hemiparesis, so at first I was really focused on learning to walk and us my arm and learn fine motor control of my hand. The first 6 months my mind felt kind of foggy, and I was quitw dizzy if I moved my head up or suddenly. that gradually went away. I think the peripheral vision loss cane a bit later. It is "MY theory" that as the clot dissolved then it seemed to reveal the damage. I think we get so tired because other brain cells are trying to learn functions of the damaged ones. My eye sight can be somewhat blurry or out of focus again worse if I get tired. We are frustrated and anxious because we can't do what we could a few weeks ago and this is scarey to us. i was a certified medical assistant to a Dr/surgeon who did high risk OB and GYN. I at first though i would be able to return to work and the psiatrist i saw (only 2 visit) said i would be able to return to work... work gave me 6 months well then my family Dr and I realized the cognitive deficts and the fatgue level and some central pain syndrome, I would not be able to go to work, let alone the high paced job I had been doing. I go to my husbands business 4 to 8 hours a week and help out a little.. to have some people interaction and to get out of the house. I have come to terms and accept that as I would never put a patient at risk and realized it would be too much for me to handle. I am home and happy, do things at a much slower pace. i found this site and became a member, then a chat host ...etc. Some days I can do math and other days it looks like Greek. It was in my 3 rd year post stroke that I was able to read.. and retain a novel. I had read magazine and short stories, but if I tried a novel the next day I wouldn't remeber what I had read. My cognitive disabilities are subtle. many people especially ones who did not know me before aren't even aware of them. I probably notice them much more than others. The fatigue is better, definately not to pre-stroke days. I can go a whole day without a nap, if I don't over do.. In CLASSIC POstINGS is A LETTER FROM YOUR BRAIN. I printed it out and gave copies to my Dr. and a few others. Even though this is invisible, it is still an attack on your body.. like a heart attack, pneumonia.. etc. It is an injury. How much you will get back no one can say. I function at a pretty high level, and I consider myself very lucky that it wasn't worse. There are many here that have made amazing progress from much worse stroke than I had. Take care and listen to your body.. it is telling you what it needs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest mbaker Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Hi Chuck - And welcome! As a former computer programmer I completely understand your frustration at work. I am still unable to work because I still can't type with my left hand - I use a smaller keyboard so that I can do it all one-handedly with my right. I know that you will want to push for a fast recovery and you will want to push yourself. Whast you will find out though and probably already have. is that it takes time to heal and especially for the brain to heal. Some things will come back, but it will take time. If you push your brain too hard, it will push back! So take it easy on yourself and do what the docs tell you - and really consifer taking the depression meds - they will help stave off or treat any depressive symptoms - many people who survive a stroke have depression - simply because it really stinks when you cannot do what you "know" you used to be able to do- especially for us Type "A" personalities. We think we are invincible and that it will never happen to us - HA! I've just crossed my one year anniversary and am staring down turning 40 at the end of this month - living proof that you can and you will make it through all this! :Clap-Hands: I still can't make change or add/subtract but I CAN multiply like a madwoman- LOL. Everyone's brain is wired differently and right now your brain is working furiously to make new connections - it's working hard on re-construction - and it's harder to go in and re-hab an existing "house" than it is to just tear it down and start from scratch (if that kind of analogy makes any sense to you. You brain needs rest and so does the rest of your body. Being tired and trying to function tired will only lesd to mistakes- and mistakes in the computer field are rarely forgiving. I know some of this is not what you want to hear - I hope though that you will also hear that things do get better with time and therapy. I wish you the best of luck and a lot of patience- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SteveH Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Hi Chuck, don't feel bad, I was an Electrical Contractor and MCP, had a bleed on my left side and I'm now paralyzed on my right side, leg, arm, face and my hearing is also affected. That was about 18 months ago and I can't drive a car yet, I get tired still and often nod out after being up a whopping 4 hours, so don't feel bad. I think it's a good day if I don't tell my wife to turn right when I mean left. Steve H. :beer: :throw: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chuck Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 I know that I keep saying THANK YOU to everyone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bstockman Posted April 5, 2007 Share Posted April 5, 2007 Hi Chuck, Yes it really does take some adjusting... I was disappointed I couldn't return to work. I really like my job and the Dr. I worked with, I was with her 6 yrs. I felt like I had let her down. I am on an antidepressant it does help a great deal. Sometimes with stroke, some of the neurons and receptors are damaged and the antidepressant can help with chemical imbalance from stroke damage. You will go thru different feelings. shock, grief.. etc. This is part of the procces to get to acceptance. I know how I felt when I first found this site: wow I am not "crazy", I am not alone, others understand my feelings..... and there is life and happiness after stroke. Thats why we're here. You won't be alone on this journey. We have much experience on this road. All types of stroke, caregivers, a wealth of information ..... Best wishes, come back often with questions or to share your progress or for inspiration from other survivors Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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