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About this blog

Lurching about, limping, gimping, and sometimes stumbling inside the house I sometimes feel I am making some progress.

 

Not so sure when I was still in hospital in rehab and the therapists and nurses constantly warning me about the dangers and probability of a broken hip.  As if a broken hip is a right of passage for stroke victims recovering.

 

I don't know.

 

I've been pretty steady inside so far.  There have been times when my balance has been threatened and I have been able to recover, but I know I am going to have to break this habit of leaning on things as I move about, because I keep having visions and perceptions of falling and cracking my melon on something, especially in middle of night when I get up from sleep and go into bathroom across the hall to pee I always instinctively lay the heel of my right hand on the sink right inside the door.

 

Everything is a balancing act, but I am determined I am going to be walking independently again, eventually, even if I do end up not walking perfectly.

 

I follow these two physical therapists on Youtube for tips on exercises for foot drop and my left arm and hand, and today, on their recommendation, I shelled out $125 for an ankle brace device that they say will correct that problem, at least artificially.  So, we shall see.

 

I have fallen down only twice since returning home, both times outside on concrete, most recently on Mothers Day, outside a motel, in the rain, at 6AM.  All I could do was lay there and laugh at the absurdity of it all.

 

So far I have not suffered any further injuries, but I know I need to slow down when I am scrambling about.

 

Pre-stroke I had been saving for what I had expected to be a move to a new residence 150miles north of where I am now, but since I am probably going to require some assistance from here on out I have lost hope for independent living and have been throwing money around left and right on crap I know I don't need, but guess I am filling a void to compensate.

 

Time will tell, I suppose.

Entries in this blog

overcoming pride

Since my stroke, I have been living as a guest in my niece's home.  Her daughter, my sis, also lives here, in the finished basement of an older tri-level home in a very small Indiana town.   Honestly, life here suits me fine.  I have everything I need, even though I need help with a few things.  I do feel that I am capable, both physically and mentally, to live on my own, in my own place, and sometimes I do feel some slight guilt at my imposition on the niece and her family, but she di

beingnobody

beingnobody

Lamentations tumbling dice...

So many things in this squirrel cage mind...   My three year anniversary of completion of radiation and chemo for throat cancer approaches..YAY!!, I guess, but not sincerely feeling it.   I turned 62 a few days ago.  I was worried about that one.  Both my eldest sister and oldest friend passed last year, each within weeks of, but short, their 62nd birthday's.  I had envisioned some omen there, but here I am yet.   So my Oncology appointment, along with a ENT appoint

beingnobody

beingnobody

wasted days ad wasted nights

Good intentions failed, or at least in transitory hiatus.   I had felt fairly confident in my situation immediately following my stroke and recovery.  I am still moderately functional, and with the lifestyle I led pre-stroke being essentially sedentary and reclusive I imagined a post stroke existence not remarkably different.   The mind that perceives is the mind that deceives.  Reality is setting in, with an attitude of vengeance.  The VA approved me for 8 physical therapy a

beingnobody

beingnobody

irony bite

Isn't it odd, in this time of technological marvel and information overload, that so much of the material we access online is so outdated?   Along with my recent stroke I am also a throat cancer survivor, approaching my 3 year remission anniversary on Sept 29.   I found that when I was first diagnosed and started researching my situation that the majority of the data online regarding  prognosis and such,.. You know, The ultimate question of "how long do I have?" was so outdat

beingnobody

beingnobody

Wearisome

I have previously mentioned that I have a reclusive nature, but since the stroke I am beginning to realize my perception of my reclusievness was more personal choice than I was admitting to myself. Now, post-stroke, with my newly acquired limitations of dexterity, I am faced with more a forced state of semi-isolation.   It's an eyeball opener.   I realize now that pre-stroke I still had the choice at any time to venture forth into society, but now that is not the case. 

beingnobody

beingnobody

every day

I went to my first post stroke Neurology consult on Tuesday.  Talked about either increasing Baclofen dosage or prescribing something stronger.  Not sure what, specifically that would be.  Also said they would work on the outpaient physical therapy I've been awating word on.  And ordered a compression glove for the left hand issues.   I'm trying to remain optimistic but honestly, most days I don't leave my room all day other than bathroom trips, unless my sis takes me to Walmart for es

beingnobody

beingnobody

Apprehension to insomnia

Neurology appointment in 6 hours.  Mind racing, just because.  Sleep elusive.   Woe is me.   Not again this song and dance.  Pervasive, stalking me.   Weariness embraces me but drowsiness escapes me. Make it stop.  I want off.   I miss sleep.  Deep,undisturbed sleep.   TICK   TOCK .....

beingnobody

beingnobody