srademacher

Kelly suggested that we place a 1x4 with attached metal strip and nails sticking up out of it - not only would the metal get so hot they couldn't sit on it, but the spikes from the nails would deter them. I think we have all the material to make it happen....just need her to cut the boards to fit spaces and attach the metal strip with nails and install after we clean all the droppings out of the way. I'm looking for a solar owl to put on pool fountain to keep them off there...don't want the droppings falling into the pool .....lol Sarah

Friday, June 30 th My 69th and would have been Dan’s 44th birthday – we headed over to the new house with Kelly and her friend, Jim to do the cleaning and prep work to get ready for moving. Jim got all of the bigger items done---door locks changed, hardwiring the electrical for the drip system, replacing fan light in bedroom #2, replacing the garbage disposal, and installing the grab bars in both bathrooms. Kelly was here to get the cleaning done and put the shelving together for the garage items, but kept getting sidetracked with other jobs. She watered the plants front and back and checked the chemical levels in the pool, and changed out the RO filters while Jim had the garbage disposal out of her way. Gary was bored out of his mind when he wasn’t napping so I parked him in the living room, facing the wall where we would eventually put the big tv, and told him to pretend he was watching his favorite show on tv. I asked him to please sit still while we worked. As usual, he had to be a smartass and told me “change the channel.” Saturday –Kelly was supposed to pick me up at 6:30 so we could go get the Uhaul truck by 7 a.m. I had arranged for a neighbor, David to come over and sit with Gary for about a half hour while we went to get truck. It was nearly 7:10 when Kelly showed up with the Uhaul. David stuck around and helped with the loading of items in the truck once Joel and Ryan arrived to help. I had been up since 3:30 and got all the computer stuff unplugged and ready to go so tried to stay out of their way and keep my feet elevated. Carmen arrived at 8 a.m. to start cleaning up behind us as we emptied out the rooms. We were on the road to the new house by 10 a.m. and they managed to get it all unloaded from the Uhaul truck, son’s pickup and my SUV, and were out of here by 1:30. Gary and I were here alone with no internet, no tv and no phone service till the 3rd. My cell phone carrier – Consumer Cellular has intermittent service here at the house – looks like I’ll be changing carriers soon. We ate a late lunch after everyone left since none of them wanted to stick around for lunch. By 5:30 pm the pool in the back yard was shaded over enough that I didn’t need to lather myself in sunscreen, so we headed out back – me in my granny swimsuit, and him in a sleeveless top and shorts. I parked him on the patio and grabbed the skimmer to clean the few leaves out of the pool before getting in. It didn’t take me long to realize I need grab bars for myself to get in and out of that pool. There was nothing to hold onto as I took the few steps down into the pool nearest the back patio area. It was even worse trying to get out. I had to get out on my knees and try standing up from there without anything to hold on to. We need to remedy that sooner rather than later. I managed a 40 min. swim and because I had been awake since 3:30 a.m., I finally hit the new bed by 7:30 p.m. and slept until 2:30 a.m. I was exhausted. Gary didn’t wake up to pee until nearly 5:30 a.m., and then rolled over and went back to sleep until 9 a.m. While the new grab bars in the bathrooms work well for me, we still have a problem with getting Gary in and out of a tub. The bathroom off the master bedroom is narrow and he has to turn a corner to get to the tub area – looks like bathroom door removal is inevitable. For now, we can get him on back patio in a shower chair and hose him off. We survived Sunday in the new house – just the two of us ….cell phone coverage was still very spotty and driving me crazy. I did get a few incoming texts but could not respond to them. Jim had texted me several times about picking up the ADA toilets and when he could install them. I finally was able to get a text back to him that Monday was not a good day with the cable guy coming to do phone, internet, and tv hookups and Kelly would be here to help get household stuff in from the boxes in the garage. We didn’t need more people in and out tripping over each other in the narrow hallway from the garage. He agreed to wait until Tuesday to get it done and figure out what we need for ramps in and out of garage and back patio area. Gary and I managed a trip out to the local Walmart for some grocery items and picked up a KFC meal at their drive-up window and headed home. I also managed to get to the washer and dryer in the garage to run a load of clothes. Monday morning, July 3rd, Gary was yelling about 4 a.m. I decided there was no point in trying to go back to sleep so I got up and ate my bowl of cheerios before it was even light outside. I found a few more items I had been searching for in that pile in the garage and brought them in, but I’m still missing the connection cable for the printer. At least I got all the computer cables hooked up so COX can hook us up to internet today whenever they get here. I have no idea what time they are coming, but hope it’s early so I can get out to the bank and Walmart while Kelly is here. I didn’t get all the items on my list when we went to Walmart yesterday because it’s not easy pushing a grocery cart and a 220 lb. man in a wheelchair…feeling it in my back and neck this morning….won’t do that again! Things will eventually calm down and we can start enjoying our new home. Once all the boxes and bins are unpacked and things neatly put away, we can enjoy the peace and quiet of a smaller community. Our biggest problem here will be keeping the pigeons away, and I think Kelly had a good suggestion for that. I have no idea why the house was designed with a ledge above the garage and the front entrance, but I’m sure there must have been a pigeon involved in that decision making process. I wouldn’t mind if they just sat on the ledge, but if I want to clean up crap every day, I’ll get another dog. No pigeon poop for me…..thanks anyhow!!!! Sarah

With the temperatures nearing 120 in our area this past week, we are melting in Arizona. It would have been a horrible week to close on the house and try to move in these hotter than "H" temps, so it's just as well the closing got delayed again. While I'm having flashbacks of what happened in 2012 when we thought we were going to close on a house in AZ, I'm almost certain it will eventually happen now, although I can't say for sure exactly what date it will happen. This time the delay seems to be the finance guy who didn't get the appraisal ordered in time and now the underwriter for the loan isn't happy with the appraisal as submitted, so they need to find more comparables in the area. If it wasn't hot enough here already, I got a little hot under the collar with this latest setback. lol Tentative date for closing is now Friday, the 30th - my 69th birthday - and would have been our son, Dan's 44th birthday, had we not lost him a year ago on the 22nd of June. Most of our household belongings are packed and ready for the move. In fact, I'm finding that I need things that are already packed - somewhere in one of those boxes or bins piled in the study, that now looks like a hoarders house when you walk into the room. :) I've unpacked several things once the girls had them already packed just to be able to fix a meal, and when I couldn't find what I needed, I had to improvise (actually cooked a Schwans pizza one night using a casserole dish and putting slices at a time in it too bake since the whole pizza was too big to fit). :) And, after tossing out my old coffeemaker thinking we would be in the new house by this weekend and I would get a new one, I ended up having to hit the store closing sale at the local Big Lots store to find one and set it up so I could have my morning coffee for another week. Note to self - don't try setting up a new coffeemaker at 2 a.m. when you can't even open your eyes all the way to read the directions. And, by all means don't call the coffeemaker stupid when it's really not the machines fault you can't comprehend directions at 2 a.m. sheesh!! I'm on my second cup of coffee now and it all worked out so neither of us were that stupid after all. lol Our current home didn't sell like I had hoped it would before we move, so our caregiver Kelly will move in here and rent from us for at least a year, and then we may try again. It will be easier for me to have someone here who can keep up the lot rent and maintain the place as opposed to having to pay someone to continually check on it or make the 40 min. drive several times a week to check on it myself. She can also try to sell the golf cart for me and I've offered to pay her a commission if she sells it. She will continue to work for us and help with Gary several days a week at our new home. We will adjust her hours so she's only having to drive that 40 min. drive twice a week and she can work longer days, so no cutting of hours. I'm going to attempt to get a few more hours sleep before the sun rises, so will update when we actually get moved - hoping it happens before the 4th of July weekend, as I've already switched the utilities into our name and have the cable tv and internet installation set up for July 3rd. Sarah

June used to be a happy month for me. It was the real beginning of summer for us, which meant fishing and camping trips, family picnics and working out in the yard and enjoying the sunshine. That all changed after Gary's stroke on June 1, 2004 and even more since the loss of our youngest son, Dan on June 22nd of last year. I no longer look forward to June in the same way I did years ago. This year I want it to go by quickly and do not feel the need to celebrate anything - especially mine or Dan's birthdays on the 30th of June (He was born on my 25th birthday, and died at the young age of 42, just 8 days before our birthdays last summer). I had originally planned to make a trip back to Colorado to place flowers on Dan's gravesite since we hadn't been back since we buried his ashes last July, but with trying to sell our place and get moved into a new home, I don't see that happening this year ....maybe next year if we are settled and can handle the trip. We are in the process of moving and hope to be in our new home by the end of June. Too many changes here, and with the new flight patterns at the airport and huge planes flying low over our house at night, it's become more difficult than ever for me to get much needed rest. Former Colorado friends, who now live in Arizona, have talked us into moving out closer to them near Casa Grande area - quieter, different county, more rural location and away from the hustle and bustle of the big city. We will be about 15 miles from major shopping in Casa Grande, but also have a Super Walmart and large grocery chain within a couple miles of our new home. The neighborhood is newer homes and several houses less than a block from us are occupied by county deputies, so I feel like it's a safe neighborhood. We will also have a pool in the back yard, so I can start exercising again without killing my knees. I won't have to worry about having someone sit with Gary as the house is small enough I could put him down for a nap in the living room or bedroom with a monitor and still be able to hear him if I'm out back swimming, only a minute away from the back door. I can add to the already nice landscaping in the back yard, and make it a resort-like escape when I need a break, or a swim (which for me would be a great stress reliever). Just praying we don't run into any complications before closing and that this place sells soon so I don't have to hire someone to maintain it after we move. I'll post a few pictures after the move. Sarah

I hear you , girl.....you can't change what is, all you can do is take care of you!! Keep on keepin' on. When you're ready for a vacation, we'll still be in AZ but farther out near Casa Grande after June. We get the good, the bad and the ugly, but somehow we still manage. Sarah

Right after Gary came home from stroke rehab in September 2004, we got our little peek-a-poo as a puppy. We named her Pookie and she immediately recognized that Gary needed help with all aspects of daily living and made it her job to be as much help as possible with his care. From the early days of helping me to screen caregivers, to supervising them as they cared for her "Papa", to alerting me if he was trying to get out of bed or out of his chair when I was in another part of the house, to sitting with him while I ran into a store for only a few items, she has been there for us. We used to take her everywhere we went and only once had a problem at a motel in Montana, otherwise she's been to hotels, malls, churches, casinos and even a funeral with us. This last year has been really tough on her. After we lost our youngest son, Dan, in June last year, Pookie went into a deep depression, after which she started losing some of her eyesight and hearing. More recently she began refusing to eat and when she did eat, she would either toss it up, or have diarrhea from eating. I struggled with the decision to put her down, but things weren't improving so I finally took her in last week Wednesday and told her she could go to be with Dan, her best buddy. I thought Gary would take it pretty hard, but he actually was okay with it. He will miss her burying her biscuits and pizza crusts in his bed which always made him laugh when he would roll over on one of them. So many fond memories of her and all the silly little things she did. She is already greatly missed. Sarah

It's been a while since I've blogged, so thought it was time to get caught up here. I've been sick off and on since returning home from the trip to meet Sue. Though the trip was nice and it was great to finally meet up in person, I think being away so long (6 days total), and the change of food, water and sleeping patterns messed me up inside. It took me a couple of weeks to feel somewhat back to normal again, and then Gary got sick. He has been going gradually downhill since the loss of our youngest son last summer. Gary's swallowing issues seem to be getting worse lately. I think it has more to do with his not caring enough to concentrate on what he's doing when eating, more depression and less cognition. Several years after his brainstem stroke, we had a physician prescribe a patch that we put behind his ear to help reduce the amount of saliva since he couldn't remember to swallow often and was constantly drooling (Transderm Scop). He wore those patches for nearly six months, and eventually began to remember to swallow more often, or had to be reminded to swallow less often. I hadn't thought about them in years until the night before last when he was having so much trouble with choking and hacking up tons of saliva. It all started around dinner time and him not paying attention when eating. He was getting stubborn when I'd remind him to keep his chin down while chewing and swallowing, and it seemed the more agitated he became with my nagging, the less he cooperated. By the time he went to bed that night, he had probably aspirated enough food to fill a lung, and he began trying to cough one up. I wanted him to sleep in the recliner, but he was refusing. I tried to explain to him that it would be easier to breathe if he wasn't laying flat, but he didn't care. I was so frustrated, I wanted to call an ambulance and have him go to the ER in the hopes they could help him, and maybe he would listen to someone other than me. He refused!! I replaced towels under his head a half dozen times during the night as they filled up with slobber and mucus, I rubbed his chest down with Vicks, and kept the humidifier and the air purifier running in the bedroom. It wasn't until around 4 a.m. I remembered I had seen one of those patches in a medicine cabinet, and decided to try it to help reduce the amount of saliva he was choking on. I actually found about a half dozen of them left over from nearly ten years ago when he was using them regularly. I know you're supposed to toss out prescriptions after a certain amount of time, but this was a patch and I had nothing to lose at this point. I put one behind his right ear, and sure enough within a few hours, he was breathing easier, choking less and finally sleeping after having kept me up most of the night with his coughing, choking and gurgling. Gary ended up sleeping in until around noon yesterday after finally breathing a bit easier, and I managed to get the rest of our taxes together to meet with the tax man when he came around 11 a.m. in the morning. I did try to nap in the afternoon when he went down for his nap, but got only an hour before the neighbor's son came roaring up in his Harley and woke me. I did, however, manage to get a good five hours of sleep last night, so should be caught up on my rest. I put another patch behind Gary's ear last night to make sure he could sleep without a lot of choking and gurgling and it worked. I have a few more left, and made a note to contact his Dr. to see if we can get a new prescription for more before I run out of them. The only side affect noted for using them is drowsiness, and in his case that would be a good thing. Sarah

Sandy, I had this same neighbor come over and sit at my house on the day her kids hired a carpet cleaner to come in and clean all her carpets. They stopped by to pay the man before they all took off to meet a friend for dinner, but they couldn't take their Mom along. They needed to get her and her 15 yr. old blind and deaf dog out of the house so sent her over to me for supposedly a couple hours. We couldn't sit out side to visit because the exhaust from the carpet cleaners van was gassing us out, so she came inside with her old stinky dog, and kept Gary from his nap. I finally had to leave when my caregiver showed up to sit with him, so I helped her back across the street to sit on her own patio as the guy was finishing up. I thought it was especially rude of her kids to assume that I had all the time in the world to entertain her, and all they had to do was write the check and leave. Sarah

We cam start by enjoying our vacation in February .........looking forward to finally meeting in person. Sarah

I take care of my stroke survivor husband... been his caregiver since his stroke in 2004. I do not want a job as a caregiver to others. Caregiving is exhausting, but I do it out of commitment and obligation. When I get a break from it and leave him with paid caregivers, I don't want to spend my time taking care of someone else............I need the breaks. That doesn't sink in to an elderly neighbor who knows that I care for my husband, and expects me to help her out since I am a caregiver. Over the past couple of months, this old gal has been unable to drive because of a crippled up hand from arthritis...she can't grip the steering wheel with both hands, which makes it really unsafe for her to be behind the wheel. One of her sons has been using her car anyhow and running back and forth from his place to work on his truck in her carport. He's there almost every day, but it seems she can't get him to stop and pick up a few groceries for her when she needs something, so she's been asking me if I go to the store to get this or that item as she needs things. I didn't mind doing it a few times, but it was getting to be a habit. A gallon of milk here, a dozen eggs there, a couple small bags of flour for baking, some condensed milk for baking.....it all adds up. I have suggested that she try using one of the grocery shopping services available in our area, but she refuses .....using the excuse she only needs a few items. She could also hire a caregiver for $15/hr. to take her to the store and shop with her, but she doesn't want to pay for that. I went to the group potluck on Monday night and this neighbor asked me to pick her up. She hadn't been to a potluck and meeting since last January, probably because I have been avoiding her since she expected me to help her with everything. I didn't want to feel like her caregiver when I was paying someone to watch Gary. In December her kids all pitched in and got her a really nice walker with a seat that opens to hold items inside, or use for a tray to set her purse on. I told her as long as she was planning on taking it to the potluck so she could walk up to get her own food, I would pick her up. I still had to help her in and out of the vehicle, and load and unload the walker for her, but I figured she would do okay once we got to the potluck. When they announced that people with special needs should go through the line first, I told her to go ahead and I would wait till they called our table number before I went. She insisted she could not dish up her own food with her curled up hand, and needed me to do that for her. I was both shocked and ticked off at the same time. The whole purpose of leaving Gary home with a caregiver was so that I could go and not have to deal with waiting on him. So I ended up waiting on her instead. By the time I assisted her with filling her dish and getting her back to the table (because she had to stop and talk to everyone along the way), the line was backed up and I waited till most of them had finished before I went up to get my plate - by then everything was cold and well picked over. I didn't really enjoy the evening, and then got upset with myself. I soooooooo need that vacation in Hawaii......and I'm hoping Sue doesn't need me to dress or feed her......3 weeks and counting.......look out Honolulu!! Sarah

While I still have a lot of work to do on the relaxation efforts and practicing my self-hypnosis to go to my happy place when I need to de-stress, at least the weight loss part of the sessions have helped. I'm on my own until I need a booster session, but so far - one month into this and I'm down 16 lb. I was hoping for 20 but I'll work harder this next month. December won't be quite as challenging since we won't do a huge gathering with tons of food like our son did for Thanksgiving. It will be a small simple gathering at our middle son's house for Christmas Eve with him grilling steaks on the bbq grill, so I think I can handle that okay. We haven't been eating out as much at the casino this past month. I've tried to stick to my cereal breakfast and my fat free cottage cheese with fruit for lunch and then a light dinner. Not feeling hungry has left me pushing food away that I previously would have felt like I couldn't waste. Having always been taught to clean my plate as a child, I hung onto those thoughts for too many years. I am no longer a child, and my Mother is not here to force me to eat everything on my plate, so it's okay for me to toss it if I can't finish it. lol Kelly and Gary decorated the small Christmas tree this past week, and I will put up the bigger one this weekend. I had to wait with it until I could get a handyman here to do some work on the living room carpet area where we had old linoleum underneath curling and creating a lump in the carpet - a result of previous dining room floor installers not securing it properly where they made the cut. The work is done, so now the tree can go up. I have no plans to decorate my golf cart for the parade this year, and not even sure we will stick around to watch the parade next Saturday. If the weather is nice, we may head out to a mall and check out the decorations. Our potluck group that we joined a few years ago is having their Christmas party on the 12th in the evening, with a catered dinner. I managed to contact a friend of ours whose husband is a professional musician to see if he would be interested in entertaining for the event. They are driving over from Arizona City for the event and I will go early to help them set up. He has a 30 yr. career with singing and playing acoustic guitar, and has sung backup for Ricky Skaggs and other musicians, played Vegas, Laughlin and Colorado casinos and used to play at the Moose and American Legion back when Gary and I went out dancing on Friday nights. Looking forward to seeing them again. Gary is sleeping in this morning as we have cooler temperatures now. We've been in the 60's during the day with temps dropping into the 40s at night, but luckily with all the work I've had done on this place, we haven't had the furnace kick in too much. I might get him out for a ride in the golf cart later this afternoon to go check the mail. I'm off to do my twisting on my simplyfit board for now. Till next month...........wishing you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. Sarah

With Thanksgiving coming up this week, I have had to reflect on all the things I have to be thankful for. Despite the fact that this has not been a good year for us with the loss of my Mom in February and our youngest son in June, we still are blessed to be here and doing okay......not great, but okay works for me! While suffering from the depression that goes along with grieving, I did an awful lot of stress eating, wasn't sleeping well, and experiencing some very intense knee pain. I had to do something before I hit rock bottom. After my visit to the rude ortho Dr. for my knees, I knew I was on my own and it was up to me to get the weight off in order to take pressure off the knees. I had gone back to doing the WW online, but found it too easy to get off-track with my weird sleeping patterns and stress eating. I finally contacted a hypnotherapist to help me with managing the stress, as well as getting better rest and changing my eating habits. I am happy to report that so far - 2.5 weeks into this, I've lost 12 lb. While I have a long way to go, I am learning to relax, take the time to wind down and go to my happy place, and eat only when I am absolutely hungry and have to nourish my body. I am planning on taking a veggie tray and fruit tray for the Thanksgiving dinner at our son, Joel's place on Thursday. I know there will be at least a few healthy options for me, as well as the smoked turkey (he's cooking at least four of them) that he will prepare on his new smoker. They are expecting around 50 people for the dinner. This past week, I finally got around to deleting Dan's facebook account, as I felt his friends and family had all been informed of his passing and had time to reflect on the memories. It was a tough one, but I also got in contact with The Alliance of Hope support group online where I can meet other people who have lost loved ones in the same way. It helps to be able to relate to people in similar situations, as I have here with the caregiver support I have received from other caregivers. I have not posted a lot of details here about Dan as there are restrictions, but if you care to read the post on the other site, you can find it at: Alliance of Hope.org under introductions - I am logged on as SarahR. Christmas shopping is started and I'm hoping to get the Colorado kids stuff in the mail by the end of next week. I also ordered me a new exercise tool - simply fit board - so anxious to try it out and see how it works. I may not be able to go to the Friday night dances at the clubhouse, but I can twist away on my new exercise board in my own living room or family room and not worry about how silly I look. lol Gary still enjoys his short trips to the casino for breakfast a couple times a week, and his outings with Kelly to the pool hall here in the park. She says he still is able to beat her at pool most of the time, even though she helps him a lot. It gives him something to look forward to when she is here, aside from her showering, dressing and feeding him. Sarah

When we moved to Arizona four years ago, I thought we were going to have a nice small house in a quiet suburb with a pool in the back yard, where I could get out and swim while Gary napped. Because of tightened banking regulations after the Wall Street disaster, I couldn't sign for the loan using Gary's Power of Attorney, so the whole deal fell through. As a result, we ended up having to find something we could pay cash for and get into quick, after being cramped in a small hotel room with limited handicap accommodations. Our son, Dan, found this place for us in a senior mobile home park located at the edge of Scottsdale, near the Tempe/Mesa borders. It's close to everything, and most days if I have to get out for anything, I don't have to drive more than a couple miles in any direction. We were told everything here was handicap accessible, but their idea of accessible meant we didn't have to go up any steps to get to anything. The bathrooms at the clubhouse and pool buildings may have grab bars and slightly larger stalls, but they are not accessible for someone in a wheelchair who can't stand up and walk into the stall and definitely there is no "Family" bathroom that I could go into with Gary to help him, and he can't transfer to a toilet without assistance or even hold a urinal by himself - so bathroom access for us in the park facilities is nonexistent. We have managed to attend some of the Friday night socials, as long as we could get there early enough to get a corner table just inside the door. That way if Gary had to go to the bathroom, we could get him out quick and rush home to use our own bathroom. On nights that the corner tables were already taken, we left much earlier and had to work our way through a crowded dance floor to get to the exit and make sure we got him home in time. Even after the park did some "fixing up" or what they called remodeling, nothing changed as far as accessibility. They don't want to spend the money for something like that, same as when they resurfaced both pools but didn't bother to redo the steps to make it easier for elderly with arthritis to get in and out of the pool, let alone add a lift for someone in a wheelchair to access the pool. Yet, every year they raise our lot rent. With the return of our winter residents, new rules are now in place. Supposedly because they had to purchase a liquor license in order to have the bar at the socials, I am no longer going to be allowed to bring Gary's thickened juice in to the dinners with us. I will have to buy his cranberry juice and bottled water there, sit at the table and mix the thickener in it (which is much easier to mix at home over the sink because it's messy), and then it's questionable whether I will be able to pour it into his sippy bottle for him to be able to use himself, instead of me having to hold a cup for him (with his lack of motor control with his "good" hand). I've taken his thickened juice through airport security and not had a problem, into restaurants that serve liquor and not had a problem, but now our local clubhouse social will be making it a problem. Maybe it's their way of saying "we're not welcome there." I'm thinking maybe we should go where we don't have that problem, but it's frustrating knowing how much lot rent we pay here and that we can't have the accommodations we need right here in our own park. Some days it's just not worth the fight! I guess we'll start looking for better things to do with our Friday nights! Sarah

I am working on putting in a memorial garden for our son, Dan. So far we've planted a few flowering shrubs and some potted flowers and I'm ordering a nice bench and a fountain to place out front. I'll need to have Kelly paint the brick on the front of the house as it is faded, but once that's done we can finish the project. We will try to have a little party to dedicate it to his memory sometime in October or November, depending on what date works best for family and friends. One of Dan's good friends from high school has a Mom who lives near us now and when she remarried, she hooked a guy who plays acoustic guitar and sings, even has some recordings and has played in Vegas, Laughlin, and numerous places in Colorado, so we'd like to get them to come for the dedication and have some of his music for the celebration. She's been sending me messages to try to get together for one of his performances, or see if we can get him here to play for one of our Friday night socials, but unfortunately our entertainment director had them all booked up for the season already. So, I figured why not have him play here for a special occasion like the memorial dedication. I still need to check with the front office and see if we can do a block party and just block off the ends of the streets on just our block (there would be a short detour to get around it, so we wouldn't be blocking access for more than our house and maybe the neighbor on one side of us). Not much else new here. Temps are cooling down to the 90s and mid 80s so early mornings feel really great when there's a breeze. I still can't work outside during the hot days, but early mornings are good for me. Sarah

I had the surgery, years ago in my early 50's ....you will do just fine and be glad when it's done. Sarah

Trying to stay positive these days is a work in progress. It's not easy to be upbeat and cheerful these past few months, and some days I feel like a real clown. You know the old song, "the tears of a clown when no one's around." That's me! But I'm trying my best not to let it ruin my day or upset our lives. I've had more than one person tell me I should be on an anti-depressant, but I avoid medications like the plague. Everything has numerous side affects, so forget that. I don't even take Tylenol unless I have a headache so bad that it makes me sick to my stomach, and I'm not into alcohol to drown my pain or problems, so that leaves me to figure out how best to deal with them. Rough weekends bring rough Monday mornings and I decided I wasn't going to let it ruin my day. I left Gary with Kelly and went to the casino for breakfast. I watched a little old man shuffle in with his walker and sit near me. I asked the waitress for his ticket and I paid for his breakfast without him knowing until well after I had left. I do that often when I'm feeling down - I try to boost someone else's spirits or put a smile on their face on days when I don't feel like smiling. It costs so little and does so much to make me feel better the rest of the day. I also made plans to book that trip to Hawaii that Sue (your wonderful chat host) and I have been talking about for years. I spent half the day on Monday, checking out airfares, hotels and rental cars and finally got my reservations all confirmed. I finally wised up and got travel insurance for the trip this time, as the last two times I booked airfare and had to cancel, I lost out on over $800. I could have used the Delta Airline credit for the Hawaii trip, but they didn't have a direct flight and I didn't think I could tolerate a 3 hour layover with plane change in Los Angeles. It appears that if I'm ever going to use it before March 7th, I'll have to change planes somewhere unless I want to fly to Salt Lake City - which isn't currently on my bucket list. lol I'm so looking forward to this vacation - it will be my first real vacation from caregiving since 2013 when I went to meet up with an old high school friend in Vegas. Whatever works to boost your spirits........just do it!! Life is too short, and who knows when the opportunity will come around again!! Sarah

Been worried about you. Glad you took the time to catch us up! Although, life doesn't get any easier....we learn to tolerate the bad times, and treasure the good times. I'm still reeling from the death of our youngest son, but each day gets a little bit better. Gary has a tougher time understanding it all, so has more bad days than good days, but we manage. You're still here with us, and that's a good thing! Sarah

We are back from our trip to Colorado to bury our son, Dan and on to N. Dakota to my 50th class reunion and to bury Mom. What a trip!!! Gary didn't sleep much the whole trip, so really busted our backs getting him in and out the vehicle or in to bed or a shower or on a toilet. Hotel grab bars for the most part were in all the wrong places for him so we had to improvise, which meant more strain on mine and Kelly's backs when he didn't help because he was overtired all the time. The first day we drove from our home in Scottsdale, AZ to Trinidad, CO ...about a 13 hr. drive with a few stops. After trying to take the shortcut up through Payson, AZ and realizing that Kelly didn't do well riding in the back on twisting, turning roads, we moved her to the front and she drove most of the rest of the trip. Our son and daughter-in-law in Colorado did a beautiful job of planning, organizing and executing the Celebration of Life at her parents church ....a small country church just outside of Longmont where Dan grew up. I even managed to stand in front of over a hundred people and read my two poems I had written without breaking down. Several of Dan's high school buddies told some funny stories and the minister had some lovely readings and the service was over before we knew it. We all went outside where our grandkids released four dozen orange and blue balloons (Bronco colors as Dan was a huge Broncos fan) into the sky while everyone watched. Then the church ladies held a light lunch reception in the hall of the church for over 100 people, and the majority of family and close friends headed over to Vince and Amy's house for more visiting and telling stories of growing up with Dan. All in all it was a tribute to Dan that would have made him proud. Some of Dan's buddies took a small box of ashes to take to their favorite fishing spot later this summer, I kept a few in some fish hook necklaces that I had ordered for his brothers, myself and a cousin, and we have a few in a picture frame with a picture of one of his fishing trips where he actually caught the "big one." After five days in Colorado, we headed north to my 50th class reunion and arrived in N.Dakota a day earlier than planned, so booked an extra night in Mandan, the town where I went to school. We spent the next morning driving around the town showing Kelly all the places where I had lived (we moved a lot when I was a kid), the favorite hangouts and the junior high and high school that I had attended. We then checked into our 3 night hotel in Bismarck, ND where we stayed until after the reunion. My sister's flight from Dulles airport got delayed 6 or 7 times and she kept missing her connections in Minneapolis, but finally got the last one and arrived in Bismarck at 2:30 in the morning that Friday. Somehow she managed to drag her butt out of bed the next morning to meet with the youngest sister, a couple cousins and myself at Perkins for breakfast while Kelly and Gary slept in. We ate light meals as we also had a later lunch meeting with more cousins at a favorite spot in Mandan, where as kids we used to get five hamburgers for a dollar ...enough to feed the whole family. Not the case now, but still darn good hamburgers. We met with another cousin and her husband there for lunch, and she brought each of us sisters a couple of her homemade kuchens with peaches and cottage cheese (it's like a fruit coffee cake). My sister from Maryland and I attended the social on Friday night for my 50th class reunion and got to visit with many old friends from high school. I took her to the reunion as my guest because we both had a lot of the same friends in high school and have always been close over the years. On Saturday night, they had the dinner and a lot of remembering the good ole days and even opened a 50 yr. time capsule, and we enjoyed the entertainment, as well as the visiting with friends again (some whom we hadn't seen in 50 years). We skipped the Sunday picnic to head west to bury Mom's ashes in the small town where she had grown up, and had a small gathering of cousins there and a nice lunch at a cousins farm. Then it was one more night in a hotel in N.Dakota before heading south on our way home again. We drove from N. Dakota to Ft. Collins, CO the first night on our way home and it was about a 12-13 hr. day so we were all exhausted. We headed out by 8 the next morning and made a stop near Longmont at Dan's gravesite to bid him one last farewell, then another quick stop at the coffee house where our daughter-in-law works, to say goodbye to her on our way out of town. We got to Gallup, NM the next night and then home by Wednesday, the 10th. Two full weeks of staying in hotels, riding in the car over 3,000 miles and eating out has taken it's toll on my body. I have booked a 90 minute massage for Monday and Kelly will be here with Gary, so I can get out. She needs one also as she did a lot of the grunt work transferring him on the trip, which he didn't make easy for either of us by refusing to nap when he had the opportunity. We are glad to be home and hopefully when we get all Dan's affairs settled, things will calm down a bit. Sarah

It's early Monday morning and I can't sleep - I mean really early ...like 2 a.m. early. The dogs woke me up when they both needed to go out to potty, so here I am with brain spinning and sleep eluding me again. I had planned to go to the coffee with the cops meeting this morning at the clubhouse, but will definitely need a few more hours sleep before I go. We have the coffee on the 2nd Monday of every month, and continue the meetings through the summer months, even though many residents have gone back to their summer homes. I haven't been to one in a long, long time but wanted to go today so I can try to get the officer's name who came to our home the night our son, Dan died and stayed with me until a neighbor came over to sit with me. He understood immediately when he heard Gary crying in the bedroom and I explained that he was significantly brain damaged from a stroke, and unable to understand what was going on, and the officer told me he would not leave me alone after telling me the news that our son was deceased. He had waited while I tried calling Kelly and then when I didn't reach her, he asked if there was anyone else who could come to stay with me. I called my other neighbor, Chat, who had recently lost her roommate, and she came over to be with me before the officer finally decided it was okay to leave. He gave me a big hug and I thanked him at the time, but now I want to follow up to make sure he is doing okay, and to thank him again for all he has to do as a peace officer, especially in light of recent events in the news. I also need to contact Mesa PD and try to locate the officer who was first on scene at Dan's house and see if I can meet up with him to thank him in person. I want to make sure he is doing okay, as I know it must be horrible to arrive at a home after a 911 call only to find out you got there too late and have to break in the door to get in and then process the scene and call the next of kin. I can't imagine trying to go home to family after something like that and try to live a normal life.....it has to affect them in adverse ways. I wrote the following poem for Dan's friends and some family who are having a tough time processing his death, and I want to share it with the officers also. This is the second poem I wrote since Dan's passing: I no longer need those earthly things, I've gone to Heaven, I've earned my wings The pain is gone, and I've been set free. My Heavenly Father was waiting for me. Please do not cry, and don't despair, For in your heart, I'll always be there. It's peaceful here, and there is so much joy, I've met brave soldiers who were once deployed. There's no pain, no stress, no earthly worries, And best of all, nobody's in a hurry. No ipads here and no cell phones ringing, Just choirs of angels, all join in the singing. I'm happy now, my soul is at rest, Though I miss you all, Heaven is the best. Take some time now, and slow down your pace, Close your eyes, relax, and you'll see my face. I'll be smiling down from Heaven above, And sending you all God's great love! Dan's msg. from Heaven 7/7/16 Written by: Sarah Rademacher

Ruth, I am happy for you that you are able to get away and do exercises for yourself even if William is being stubborn about doing his therapy. You can lead him to it, but you can't force him to do it! been there, done that! Take care of yourself! Sarah

Fred, Does your local fire department have a non-emergency number you can call for falls so they won't bill you? We have that here on the Indian Reservation which is where our mobile home community is located. I have had to use them one time, told them it was non-emergency and left him sit on the shower floor until they arrived. They told me "don't ever hesitate to call on us when you need to get him up off floor, we will be happy to come do it for you." I was not charged for the call and told as long as I call the non-emergency number and it's not life threatening for them to respond in a hurry, no problem. You need one of those flat dollies with four wheels to get around on when you fall on the floor and nobody is there. You could lay on it like a big skateboard and scoot around on the floor. Look out puppy, Fred's coming through! lol Sorry, couldn't help it .....have to do whatever works when you're in that situation. Sarah

Thank you all for your kind words and expressions of sympathy during this past week. We have made final arrangements to return Dan's cremated remains to Colorado for burial. We will have a Celebration of Life Service in Longmont, Colorado on July 30th and I have asked that in lieu of flowers, anyone wishing to do so may contribute to the Stroke Network in his memory. I've already received some checks made out to me that I will cash and send one check for the total donations to Steve Mallory for the Stroke Network. Any checks made out directly to Stroke Network and given to us will be forwarded on with a note that they are in memory of our son, Daniel Joseph Rademacher. Thank you again, for all your prayers and words of comfort in the loss of our youngest son. It's really been tough on Gary, and he cries out often for Dan and asks "why?" I can only tell him that Dan is at peace now and probably at a nice, quiet fishing spot somewhere in Heaven! Sarah

A parents worst nightmare is hearing your doorbell in the middle of the night, and having an officer inform you that your child is deceased. I'm still reeling from that nightmare - we lost our youngest son, Dan - the one who moved to AZ with us and lived with us for three years before buying his own home - I wrote the following poem to post on his fb page: With broken hearts and teary eyes, Those left behind are wondering why. Though we can't understand your horrible pain, We know in our hearts we will see you again. You are at peace now and the pain is gone. We will get through this, as we are not alone. You are looking down on us from above, And guiding us all with your unending love. As a parent it hurts to say goodbye. The tears will flow as I sit and cry. Your memory lives on in those who cared, And the recipients of the organs you shared. Though it hurts for now, we know it will pass. We'll be together again in Heaven at last. So instead of goodbye, it's so long for now. We'll go fly fishin' in Heaven, you can teach me how. Love you and miss you! Mom and Dad Written for our son, Dan - 6/30/1973 - 6/22/2016 by: Sarah Rademacher 6/23/16