• entries
    12
  • comments
    46
  • views
    3,314

About this blog

Joey Journal

Entries in this blog

A Day at UMC

University Medical Center is the largest hospital in Las Vegas and I feel I know it way too well. I could probably give tours, I know my way around so well.   I was down there yesterday from about 6:15am to10:00 because Joey finally had his feeding tube removed. Wow. That feels like one of the last things he needed to feel more normal. In fact he's sleeping on his stomach now. We'll be back, though, because they found an ulcer and want to do further diagnostic work. But that's another day.  

workngrl50

workngrl50

Survivor Guilt

Yesterday we attended a conference where Joey goes to rehab. The objective was to assess the prgress he's made since admission and set goals for his recovery including a discharge date. The staff thought sometime in April and he suggested April 22 which is his birthday. So that's the target date.   He's made amazing progress. It's a miracle that he's here and no one expected he'd be doing this well so soon. And since he is doing so well everyone is interested to see just how far he can go. He

workngrl50

workngrl50

I Resolve To...

My oldest daughter and I have not had much contact over the last several years and most of it was very unpleasant. She's had a very hard time forgiving me for the many things I've done throughout my life. I'd like to blame it all on my addiction issues but the truth is, while that made things much worse, a lot of it was just ignorance and bad behavior.   Since Joey's accident we've seen each other a few times and I've made contact with her regarding Joey's progress and other things I thought

workngrl50

workngrl50

Gratitude List

I'm very healthy. I'm pretty. I'm lucky enough not to have to work right now. I'm not a food addict. I'm sober. I have people in my life that love me. I have people in my life that I love. I don't have to ride the bus. I have a car with a heater and a CD player. I'm not homeless. As confused as I sometimes feel, I don't have serious mental health issues. I have a phone, a computer and cable TV. I know how to read and I love reading. I'm never broke. I can buy almost anything I want.

workngrl50

workngrl50

Courage

I went with a friend today to the doctor. Actually, I don't know her well but we have a mutual friend who recommended she call me.   Debbie just recently found out she has hepatitis C. When she had surgery recently one blood test led to another and she came out of the hospital with a new diagnosis. I thought she called me because I'm a nurse. That was one of the reasons. The biggest reason was that she was scared. I didn't know how scared until we were done talking with the doctor and she br

workngrl50

workngrl50

The Accident

The kids had "The Wickerman" in the DVD player last night. In the beginning of the movie, Nicholas Cage tries to break into a car to get people out of it by slamming through a windshield with his police helmet. He goes at it full force a fes times and finally it shatters... And my mind goes straight to the windshield Joey's head went through...   Sometimes I'll be thinking nothing and that windshield will show up as a visual in my head.   I went out to the scene of the accident the morning

workngrl50

workngrl50

Don't Tell Anyone

Joey said, "I'm gonna tell you something but you can't tell anyone, NOT ANYONE!" I hate it when people say that. I often ask them not to tell me either. But in this case I made the promise...I had to know.   Now I don't feel like I'm betraying him by writing this here. Somehow it feels like a safe place to vent. The "secret": Joey and Chelsea are trying to have a baby.   Why? They want to. They're both 19. She's a very responsible and practical girl. They love each other.  

workngrl50

workngrl50

New Picture

I posted a new picture of Joey with the people that helped to keep him alive. I sometimes feel,"Who really cares?" but then I think you do. I know I get excited that someone can stand up on their own or is finally able to drive a car. I'm thrilled that anyone's mother has just passed a swallow test. You've all become very important to me. Your ups and downs, your highs and lows. Your courage and refusal to give up in the face of life-changing adversity.   People who see me every day get tired

workngrl50

workngrl50

100 Things

1. I'm the oldest of 4 children. 2. I have brown eyes. 3. I don't know what color my hair really is now but I was born blonde. 4. I was born in East LA. 5. I'm afraid of heights. 6. I'm afraid of falling down. 7. I play the accordian. 8. I listen to country music sometimes. 9. My dad was in the Marine Corps and in Korea. 10. My mother was an only child. 11. My grandfather was Polish. 12. I can keep a confidence. 13. I love Mexican food. 14. I

workngrl50

workngrl50

Finding Balance

Sometimes, I've begun to notice, it's hard for me to tell where Joey ends and I begin.   My day is pretty much planned around him, his scheduled activities, his meals, his meds, his hygiene, even if and when he goes to the bathroom. That's not too bad. I used to work as an RN and that is all very easy for me.   I've observed recently that my emotions are very tied in with his. If, first thing in the morning, he wakes up in a good mood I think, "We're gonna have a good day." If he doesn't

workngrl50

workngrl50

Wednesday

When I get to the end of the day I'll be able to fall asleep to my favorite show... "Project Runway". It doesn't come on til 10pm and, as hard as I try I can never stay awake throught the whole thing. But I make a valiant effort every week.   I'm not complaining. I love my life right now. Joey will become independent again in time. Even if he doesn't I love being able to be a part of his recovery. Through even the worst days I've been able to see evidence of the hand of a loving God in everyt

workngrl50

workngrl50

Being a mom...

I have 5 kids... FIVE children. It's not that I don't believe in birth control it's that I was never organized or disciplined enough to use it consistently. Maybe people who are that undisciplined shouldn't have kids at all. But in my case, too late.   What I feel for these kids is absolutely fierce but I'm not sure I know a thing about maternal love. I'm also a recovering drug addict and alcoholic. These kids have been through hell because of that. I hear all the time in the meetings I go to

workngrl50

workngrl50