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the truth

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It's been a while!

I have been away since 2008 or 09. Lots has changed since 2007..the year of the stroke. In 2012...I pack up and walked away from everyone and everything. You see .. I was different.... not the same person as pre stroke.   I couldn't deal with people expecting me to feel the same way I did about things...I didn't feel the same about things or them...it was hard faking it.     So here I am ..now in Florida....live in a small house..with my dogs...and a lake down the street..55 on disab

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Gone for four months

Hello,   I'm finally back.   I've been lost in all my confusion and dispare. I've been able to finally let go and I'm ok.   I'm finally able to get on with living. All the test from August came back fine and I thank God for that!     I weather that one and am forever thankful.   I have changed my thought process and will not blame myself for getting sick. I took a while to convince myself that his actions were his problem and not because I was damaged from the stroke. Discusti

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lost

what to do when the only person you trusted betrays you what do you do   he lied cheated need i say more   i feel old ugly and stupid   i just dont get it when i was well this didn't happen but now things just keep happening and its hard to even care anymore   whats wrong with me that i was so stupid   what did i do to deserve that   i just found out yesterday his sister was mad at him so she sent me a pic of her   that was the worst   to see that and find out everyone kn

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i found my way back

hello out there   does anyone remember me?   I found my way back.   I had another little stroker and it put me out for a bit but now im back.   And i think im different again.   when i now look in the mirror it seems the other me is so far away.   im behind those eyes but i cant pull myself out.   my bodys the same but my mind has slipped a bit.   i was looking so forward but now i have to start over   so here we go again and this time it seems harder and more intense

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wow what now

Things were going along and I thought I was making progress. Them wham pain, and more pain. I've had pain since my stoke but I've been dealing with it. But it's changed now. It's every day. All day and intense. It starts with a sharp pain to the bottom of my rt foot then in both calves more like a cramp with a sharp pain too. Front of my leggs below and above my knees. At the same time they burn, feel like the flesh is being torn from the bone. My rt hip is stuck and when I move it is sharp and

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i'm getting things done

Hi everyone Iv'e been working hard getting apointments and filling out papers and well tommorrow will be my last apt until June 25 and I'm glad because I need a break.   The apt on the 25th i'm looking forward to its with a md and maybe I'll bet some help with the pain. Now what really on my mind   Iv'e gone fron a size six pant to a 10 in 11 months I take thyroid med for hypothyroid but I'm not going to blame it on just that It seems that I can't get motivated to do something

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Getting Packed

It's 11 pm and I'm finishing my laundry for my week in rehab. Just thinking what the week will be like. It seems funny to me that post stroke I get paniced by anything new. pre stroke I would have looked forward to the adventure. lol It sure is a different life. I'll be at rehab from 8 am to 3:30 pm that's the schedule they mailed me. It should be intersting getting up at 6 or 7 and be out the door that early. I do good to get up and make coffee by 9 now! In the mornings it takes me a w

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Back From Evaluation

Hi everyone   Well i'm back from rehab and my evaluation. Im in the waiting mode now. They tell me it will be about 3 weeks before all the test are in and I have a plan of action. I know they reqested theropy for my rt hand and speach for well my speach. lol as far as the rest (my brain) I took all the test in the brain injury department that I could and I did the best I could on everything. What else can you do except for your very best. Im glad its over but I got lots of Information on

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Getting Ready For Neuropsychology and Rehab

I'll be going for a week May 12-16. Texas Assistive and Rehabilitative Services set it up for me. I am looking forward to meeting with the Dr. I have lots of Questions written down (so I wont forget anything). Maybe this will give me some answers. It been almost a year and this will be the only rehab i've had. They tell me I fell through the cracks. Well I'm going to try to make up for lost time.   I'm realy kinda afraid. I'll be alone for a week. Sleeping alone, I have my dog that sleeps wit

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my pain and its not depression

Hello everyone   Well I've come a long way since my stroke on 7 17 07. I'm typing some and using not only my left hand but my right too. I'm speaking a little better at least it seem like it to me. And I have not lost anything in 4 days. (and let me tell you thats a big deal) I have adoped that little stray cat I named booger he stays outside during the day, comes in for lunch then runs off until dinner. He sleeps with me at night. Somehow he brings me comfort at night with his purrring.

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well its official im disabled

Well I recover from the letter from ssi say I may need a trustee.   I went down to the ssi office with a friend and it's official I an disabled. The ssi people agreed with the phy nerologist severe brain damage due to stroke. ok but I wish they would stop saying that.   2 hours later it was done. I didn't realy feel anything I realy felt numb.   I guess after thinking about what they said and now this is a new chapter   Now instead of selling things to pay bills ill have a check to

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rehab was a great experience for me

Well, I cant wait to hear what they have to say about all the test I took last week. Hopefully they will work with me at Dars and pay for rehab for my hand and speach theropy. The Peope at the rehab were very nice and knew a lot they answered a lot of my questions.   This may sound weird but this was a great experence for me. I got to meet people just like me. We kinda all have the same look, do you know what I mean. Its in the eyes. Kind of a sadness and confussion. But it gave me a sence

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May 12 - 16 I'll be away

I'll be going for a week May 12-16. Texas Assistive and Rehabilitative Services set it up for me. I am looking forward to meeting with the Dr. I have lots of Questions written down (so I wont forget anything). Maybe this will give me some answers. It been almost a year and this will be the only rehab i've had. They tell me I fell through the cracks. Well I'm going to try to make up for lost time.   I'm realy kinda afraid. I'll be alone for a week. Sleeping alone, I have my dog that sleeps wit

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confirmed apt today

Went to see Ann today (my shrink) lol she always laughs at that. Its confirmed that may 12-16 I'll be in Houston in rehab to see it they can help me and give me some tools to work with when i get back home. Im looking forward to this. Im sure they have all kinds of info they can give me so i can use them at home. And ways to help slow down the vasular demenchia Ann really help me make it this far. Here goes the truth part I would have killed myself back in Feb it I hadn't met her. I was at

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JUST THE TRUTH

This is the place I intend on being completly honest with myself. No more making excuses or bargins with god. There are no bargins to be made. No more lies to tell myself. No more smiling and saying I'm fine everything is great. It's not lets face it things are a mess. lol Time to face the truth and face reality!   7/17/07 was the day life changed for me. So this is where i'll start.   Ischemic Stroke Left side Brain Right side Body. 47 year old female neuropsychologically evalusted. (tha

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