leese's Blog

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About this blog

randomness

Entries in this blog

If it ain't one thing,

it's a 'nother.   Seems the small stumbling blocks, literally, with stroke are often what impedes our recovery. Which in turn affects our attitude and optimism in all this mess. I suppose I need to accept that it is going to be that way. It's difficult to reserve the expectation of the other shoe dropping when I'm in the midst of having a small high of progress and hope of enjoying things in a small way. But then, I tend to be very gung-ho and might bring some of this down on myself.   R

leese

leese

why is it

that I only think of visiting,reading and writing here when it's close to my bedtime?... Rhetorical, really. I've always been a night owl and get more pensive as the hours creep toward morning. It's nearly midnight and I can see the sun setting hues through new leaves on the birch tree out my window, It won't set all the way this time of year. It will dip and curtsy toward twilight, leaving just a slice on the horizon, and ascend again brightly by 3:00 A.M. It doesn't do much good to think wh

leese

leese

Today

Somewhat of a personal milestone today. I walked a section of my prestroke walking route. Spring is really here and the city has cleaned the debris of Winter from the sidewalks, making it safe to venture out. I used to love my walks and mourned my inability to go on them the past two and a half years. I'd made a couple attempts in the past but really wasn't up to the challenges it presented   Today, it wasn't how I'd envisioned it, but It's a start. My daughter went with me. I used a hiking

leese

leese

Quackery and Charlatans

Without naming treatments or therapies; I've run into many bogus 'cures' in the 2.5 years since my stroke. I understand the desperation involved for the survivor and often times the family, in pursuing anything that promises to bring that which was lost, back. I also realize that stroke recovery depends greatly on attitude and motivation for continued recovery after the first year. So, most of us say nothing to those seeking alternative and unproven treatments. Which is fine...placebos don't

leese

leese

Wut?

I went to the neurologist today. I hadn't been in well over a year. Was a new Doc to me, since my previous one went on to other endeavors and this one took over my file. I'm not in dire need of a neuro doc, so it was fine. He suggested changing my dilantin to something with fewer side effects for the long-run. My last neuro put me on dilantin at my request, as my insurance didn't cover enough of the costs of the pricier, newer anticonvulsants. A better suited med has gone on the generic li

leese

leese

And, a 'nother

I've been feeling so good lately that it's shown me clearly how bad I'd been feeling the bulk of the Winter. I'm 2.5 years post stroke and the first year was spent in blissful optimism, determination and unrealistic expectations. The second year was leaving behind the right hemisphere euphoria, struggling to figure out all the emotions and perceptions that were unfamiliar ground and realizing I couldn't entirely trust my own feelings to be accurate accounts of a situation. I had to learn to t

leese

leese

Wallowing in the moment

Things seem pretty good right now and for the first time since my stroke, I'm not projecting myself ahead or behind. I'm fully in the present. Wow. I've tried forcing that before and it didn't work. I'd find myself thinking when I can do this or that, then I'll be happier or satisfied. Nup, today I'm just grand with all I can and can't do. What an odd feeling for me. I hope it stays a while. Apparently my serotonin levels are sky-high from the sunshine... :cloud9: Hugs for everyone! Sheesh

leese

leese

Happier Days Are Here Again...

Things are looking up.The days are sunnier, the record breaking amounts of snow are melting and the patches of clear pavement are becoming downright navigable to my hike, swing meandering gait. Yeehaw! My mood is improving noticeably and some enthusiasm for recovery is returning rather than just the feeling that I have to do the work. I guess it's all about the amount of good chemicals we have going on in our brains. Love, friends, sunshine and kind words are propping me back on my feet after

leese

leese

What Dreams may Come.

Last night, I had my first dream where I was as I currently am. I usually have dreams where I am fully able-bodied and I'd wake up feeling exhilarated and hopeful. I liked them. Last night's dream is murky all these hours later, and I can't for the life of me, remember why I told myself to remember 'caramel', to jog the memory. I do however remember standing under a grey winter sky, by my car on a layer of snow and ice, and feeling uncertain and cautious, trying to decide how to proc

leese

leese

misc

Emotionally flat these days. It seems the euphoria I experienced from a right hemisphere stoke, is gone. Flat isn't bad, it's just... well,... flat. I can't work up much excitement for anything. It's nothing that needs meds... since really, anti depressants seem to achieve much the same result... flat is the range that's aimed for. I'll work at it organically I guess. The rehab gym gives me a daily endorphin boost, I'm adding more outings to my week for stimulation and I'm trying to stoke

leese

leese

For words lost,yet not at loss for them,entirely

Neural cloak-room, jambored hooks, hangs tattered raiments of yesterdays coveted words. Jaberwocky speaking in tongues Even Yahweh needs a syllabus here Shuffling through wispy word heaps fallen to the floor after the lighting storm plumes of poets rise and settle in the wake leaving art in the dust and lyrics on soles.

leese

leese

Difficult Survivors

I received a call today from a fellow stroke survivor.I'll just call her Kay for here. We share a bond of having had our strokes the same day and were in the neuro ward a few rooms apart for about 5 weeks. We both had a right hemi strokes and similar initial damage. I've come along a little better than her so far and we have very different temperaments. We both had the same hospital care and she tells horror stories and I can only relate one mildly inept encounter with an aide that didn't like

leese

leese

Happy Stuff

My daughter, Leighann, is graduating college on Sunday. Besides all the things she juggles in her life, a boyfriend, a full time +job,sporadic self employment, volunteering, pets(including my old Lab that I'm unable to care for), friends, and many creative endeavors, she's been there for me at every turn in the 16 months since my stroke. She slept in my hospital room for 5 1/2 weeks along with my husband, took time out of school and used all her school breaks to help me in whatever I needed,

leese

leese

cognitive orts

This public blogging thing might be a mistake on my part This could be my stroked equivalent of drunk dialing. Too much time on my hand(s) and skewed emotions aren't the best combo unless I were a brilliant creative type, which I'm not. But venting to an anonymous audience that knows firsthand some of the things I'm encountering, is too much to resist. Thank you for your patience ahead of time. leese   About the lability... Last week, I was meeting a casual friend at the museum to see the n

leese

leese