I have one good friend who hasnt left through the years of chaos and then stroke. She is 79 and just had an aneurysm repaired. I met her and her husband maybe 10 years ago when I was working as a home care nurse. Some patients become family and these two were. Harold died last year on December 17. I want to remember that and do something special for Martha. Right now, Martha is still in the hospital. I talked with her daughter and though she has been at Martha's bedside and worried about the sev
I want to feel good
have energy
know what I have to do
end this cyclone of thoughts
catch one and finish it
help my family feel better
give up responsibility
be taken care of
held
put on make up
feel pretty
look in the mirror and not see what I see
work
not feel my heart pound
feel secure
not be fearful
not worry
feel financially ok
give my kids security
feel whole
be a good mom
wife
dance
dream
travel
I watch my kids in their downward spirals
I am feeling disappointed. Had the follow up TEE today and found that my PFO is not fully closed with the device.
The nurse practitioner who has given the most info throughout told me that my PFO was very large and during the procedure they had considered using 2 devices, but used the largest size and thought that they had achieved good closure. Today we found out otherwise. I am feeling that "knife hanging over my head" feeling. I will stay on anticoagulants probably for life and try to shak
I used to read alot. Hadn't had time for a while pre stroke due to long work hours. I had been off work sick after having an anaphylactic reaction to an IV antibiotic and returned to a new position. None of the work had been done for years and the agency was facing joint comission inspection in 5 months. I was faced with learning the new position and catching up with years of undone work. There was no one at the agency with knowledge of my position so I traveled to one with someone who gave me s
I have thought in the past couple of years that I would write a book. At first thought that book was going to be one making a biblical comparison of the 12 steps. I had been heavily involved in al anon at the time and was finding myself discouraged that the God part was so lacking. Its a long story.
Recently thinking that if only I could express my thoughts and feelings better that a book about what this experience has been like might be a good one.
Who knows???
The nurse practitioner at
Guess I will keep writing for me.
Thought about starting a journal for so many reasone but never kept it up. Some reasons....afraid someone would find and read it, ashamed of my feelings, didnt want to read back and see how messed up I am.
So why do this blog thing?
Who knows.
What to write?
I have such a long "someday" list. Someday we will do this, go there, get that. So now does that really matter? How much somedays will be left? How will I feel?
Since I had my stroke, I
I know evertone wants to hear the outcome of the BIG game. Well...they won 49 - 0!!!
Some dirty plays! My son was getting calls all week about how the coaches of his old team were talking badly about him adn telling the team that they had to stop him.
Funny thing is that my son had really gotten alot better workout and whatever being on this new team. I have to say, his gear and workout clothing STINKS!!!! Last week I even asked him if he had urinated on the shirt because that is what it sm
High School football.
Here's the scoop...both of my snos have played football prior to and through high school. Last year would have been the first year that both boys would have played on the same team; one a senior and the other a soph. Well, the senior decided not to play. Alot of reasons but that's another story. The coaches were not happy as they had planned on my boys being the line. I don't understand football even after all the years watching them, just try to follow the ball and watch
Sometime recently as I looked at some of the flowers growing so nicely I decided to collect seeds for next year's garden. I don't really know much about growing flowers but I like them. Tried to cut some to bring inside through the summer, but the only ones that seem to grow all the time are those black eyed susans. Funds are low so I rescued alot from walmart on clearance. Didn't do too bad.
Now I have started saving some of what I hope are seeds to use next year. They are in baggies marked
What I did on my summer vacation...no wait...its been longer than summer. This unwanted vacation began on January 19, 2005. That's the day after I could not ignore what was happening.
A what....stroke...brainstem...not me...I don't have time for this!...Can't afford not to work!...can't be sick!...No thank you, I am staying home, after all I am a nurse...yea, alot of good that did me!
I will skip over all the stroke stuff...
Finally spring! The garden is calling me. Hasn't been done right
