mary7's Blog

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Been so long

I have been away from here for so long and so much has happened since my last entry. Where do I begin? Well, Brian, the baby was placed with me about 1 1/2 weeks after that post on an emergency basis, then as my foster child in October. His mom is really out there and has only seen him for 1 hour in the past 2 months. Needless to say, being a "new mom" has been very time consuming. I don't have the energy that I had when my kids were his age (he is 21 months old tomorrow) so I have to set prio

mary7

mary7

my life

Just taking a bit of time to update here. Gosh! there seems to be no time! I am so far behind in keeping up the house. Having a baby 24/7 all summer has put me behind. I love that little boy! and his mom is such a mess but doesn't seem to want to change. I got caught up in her manipulation and had to take a step back. It is nice only having the baby part of the day and having some time to catch up.   My baby went off to college football camp the beginning of the month. He calls 3 to 5 times a

mary7

mary7

Success

My baby graduated High School last week! He willl be playing NCAA football for Millersville University. Only a short few weeks til he leaves.   My older son relocated to Florida in March. He needs to find himself. Though I miss him very much, It is somewhat a relief not to have the drama here on a daily basis, I worry about him but he needs to grow up and living on his own and having to make it is the best thing for him.   I am not looking forward to not having them around. My daughter is

mary7

mary7

April 14

WOW the day before tax day and our taxes are all done and refunds have been spent. I think I did mine wrong. Rushed to get them done so I could get the FASFA done. It was due March 15 at the college and I didnt realize this until the 17th.   Guess I will have to do an amended one. Didn't pay any taxes in but got a refund! Hey, every little bit helps now!   Trying to keep up with the things that are needed for my son'e college. He was signed to play NCAA football. Getting some scholarship

mary7

mary7

Spring

Just been crazy for a while here. Have been feeling poorly since before Christmas. So much PAIN!!!! Seem to be catching every cold and virus that passes and the colds hang on.   Just thinking that spring is here. Can't wait to get out into the garden! With all this pain it has been hard to do "work" but I am trying to barter with a young mom for childcare to help me with the "harder" work. Hope to have a bigger veggie garden and can some things to save $ too.   The only veggies I have gr

mary7

mary7

2 years ago...

2 years ago today I was "normal" the last time befor stroke. What was that anyway?   Today I am still trying to accept who I am. Many days I accomplish nothing...at least I can't see anything. I forget, have days when my brain feels like everything is just going in slow motion, talk funnny, cant say the right word.   Last nite my son said something. He is dating a girl who has RND and fibromyalgia. She is 17. Has been having some bad days with alot of pain and trouble getting around la

mary7

mary7

Clearing thoughts

I find myself in the position of being not only the "survivor" but the caretaker as well. I have had to be the main person for all things in my family for a long time. Having my strokes has been hard on all of us. I have worried and cried so much and all that has done is increased anxiety. Time to find things to help climb out of the pit.   How about thinking of what we have to be thankful for. First I am still here. So what if I do not go to work. I have wanted to just be at home for as lo

mary7

mary7

Trying to organize

OK so I have been trying to organize. You'd think that after close to 2 years at home it would be done right? NOT I sew and always enjoyed that. Made all the kids clothes when they were young. So many fancy dresses, suits even a little tux. I finally made a beautiful tree skirt last Christmas. Always wanted one but the nice ones were too expensive. I have to say it is very beautiful. I want to make one for each of the kids so they have one. Aprons. I always loved my grandmothers

mary7

mary7

Social security

I was notified that I was "awarded" social security. Doesnt feel like an award:(   The date of my disability was changed by them to 1 year AFTER my first stroke. That adds a year to the 2 year wait for medical coverage. Any retro $ goes to the LTD company. My son wasnt included and when he gets included any of the $ he gets also has to go to the LTD company. Doesnt seem right but thats what it is.   I have to be thankful that I had LTD from my job at all I guess. Nothing will real

mary7

mary7

mental exam

The bearu of disability had me go for a mental exam as they say they couldnt determine whether I was disabled based on the MD reports they had so far. WHAT??? 3 cardiologists, cardiac interventionalist, 2 neurologists, a neurosurgeon, ortho surgeon, family MD, neuropsych and that wasnt enough?   I had an appointment for this mental exam a month ago and since I mix numbers in my mind, couldnt find the address since I mixed the number and took the wrong set of papers with me.   Had the appo

mary7

mary7

still

Just checking in. Still here. craziness. hope all settles soon. waiting for SS decision. discouraging!

mary7

mary7

brain train

Was on chat tonite for the first time in ages. Nice. Thanks sue for staying and Sarah. havent chatted with denny for a long long time. I really should comment alot more. Just feel like I am floundering and after so long...its been 1 year and 8 months today since the first stroke. What a change in my life. Hard to get used to not working. Financially too. Geting harder in that way. Have to find a way to make some cash. Put alot of bills on a credit card and that makes me nervous. Never had

mary7

mary7

SS

I applied for SS disability. Doing that was one of the hardest things for me. Feels like giving up. I know that I can't go back to nursing now....ever? I have worked all my life. Supported my family alnoe for about 15 years. Was able to continue the kids private schooling until this year. got a call the other day from disability that they have the application and I should hear in a few weeks. Don't feel good about it at all. The woman said it was what I have earned. Wish I felt that way.

mary7

mary7

Bubbles

I have had a hard time since my first stroke feeling useless. Pre stroke I worked as an RN in a homecare setting. I had taken a new position 18 months prior to the stroke that was a real challenge. It took me off the road after I had had problems healthwise due to lyme disease that was not diagnosed for 4 years. The new position was doing all the performance improvement for the agency; reviewing records for completeness, education staff on all aspects of new procedures and insuring they were com

mary7

mary7

Waiting for growth

I planted some seeds that I had collected from annuals last year. Check everyday and so far no growth. Time. I have grown to hate that word! Well, maybe hate is too strong....sometimes. Time...when heard from a neurologist...UGHHH!   As I write that I think Time...heard from an oncologist ...sooo much worse. Have to be grateful for time. Time to heal. Time to be at home. Time to sleep. A time for every purpose...Thank God I still have time.   So guess I should stop checking the seeds

mary7

mary7

just a little update

AHHHH the kids are all out for a short while so I will send a little update.   I am feeling better. Walking without assisance in the house. Outside walking I wear the cast thing and sometimes need it all day because the pain and swelling in the ankle are up there. Things seem to be healing slowly from the cervical spine surgery. Arm pain has gotten much better the past month. Back pain in bad. TENS unit was no help. Cant have injection because of coumadin and I am not ready to have a

mary7

mary7

I'm Back (I hope)

WOW...hard to think it's been 3 months since I last posted. Thank you to all who sent me a message while I was gone. I missed you guys too! Where have I been? Well, had surgery for 2 herniated cervical discs on Jan 11 with a metal cage placed for grafting. Surgery was very rough. For some reason my oxygen levels fell to 72% in recovery. I ended up on oxygen for 4 days til it went back up. The arm pain was better for a week or so then got progressively worse. Had another MRI and will se

mary7

mary7

11 months

I am 11 months post stroke as of the 12th. Have to say that I thought I would be out of work a few months and back to the usual. Not so. I am so very thankful to God that my Brainstem injury was not too bad. I have mostly cognitive issues, sometimes choke when eating mindlessly, limp a bit, still have facial drooping which makes me self conscious sometimes, but the cognitive issues are the most bothersome. I am a nurse...?was?...not really sure if I will work as a nurse again. Right now I woul

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Guest

surgery comung

These days are so hectic. I saw the neurosurgeon last week. I will need surgery as soon as it can be scheduled. There is a reason for having so much pain and it is not all stroke pain! Thank God! All the added and increase in meds have not helped over the past few months and finally I got one of the neurologists to order MRIS. There is severe cord compression at 2 places. Good news for me, although having surgery is not a great thing, I may finally get some pain relief! I am not sure yet wh

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Guest

Prepare

December 1 Need to prepare for Christmas Today I will have the kids help get the nativity out and lighted Maybe a wreath for the front door Need to make it look nice and give thanks for all we have been blessed with, prepare for the Child, miracles.   Today I go to neurosurgeon, have xrays and holter monitor. This device is causing heart problems. Hope I can have surgery before Christmas...better post op pain than what it has been. Our Christmas gift...hoppe the kids feel that way.

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Guest

cat bites and neuro

Saw the local Neuro today because this pain is too much. First thing he said was that I looked terrible. Did a good exam and noticed the cat bites on my arm. They look worse because of the anticoagulants and I have had so many. The cat doesnt like me...actually goes out of her way to attack me at times. He was very upset about the bites and made a deal to help me manage the pain IF I promised to call the PCP to make a visit. Well, I called and asked for an antibiotic so I kinda kept my pr

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Guest

hold on...

Hold on to dreams for if dreams die, life is a broken winged butterfly that cannot fly... I remember this line and not the rest Had to ask my daughter to turn on the shower today...too much pain and weakness I get scared that it is just getting worse Need a "lightning bolt" for my husband...his words...God knows what that is...and If anyone prays, I ask to pray for that. A miracle! I am struggling through cleaning the kitchen floor...cannot understand why my son sits and cant see the p

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Guest

GRRRR

Had a list of things to do today...got 1 done...made a neuro appt. Then went down to the freezer to find the door had not been closed all the way. A few things thawed so had to cook them. The rest of the freezer looked like a blizzard happened. Had to thaw the whole thing out. Now thats done and I feel better that a few days meals are ready and the freezer is once again organized. My arm hurts worse from doing all this...reason for neuro appt. May as well have done the work as long as there

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Guest

Fall

Last nite I was remembering that I love Fall. Had a couple of beautiful days weather wise here. Beautiful blue skies with a few fluffy clouds to make it interesting, nice warmish breeze, wonderfully colorful falling leaves. Last nite the kids had friends over for a campfire...nothing more relaxing and soothing than sitting by a campfire, cooking hotdogs and s'mores over the flame and enjoying good company and conversation. I have been having some extremely bad pain in my arm for a while now, and

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