As one of the few widows still on this site I have a different path to tread to those who are still caregivers at the coal face. I have had all those years of caregiving my husband Ray but that ended nearly three years ago now. September is a hard month for me as it is Father's day the first Sunday in September in Australia, then Ray's birthday on the 8th, then the anniversary of his death on 19th. At three years I will not cry the river of tears I did in the first two years after his death but
I know I have nothing to complain about really but I have been feeling quite lonely the last few days. It is still winter here and raining. I don't feel that it is just that, it is also the fact that if I want to talk to someone it is me that has to ring. I don't have friends who automatically ring me now. I do have lots of pleasant acquaintances and that helps but it is not the same as having intimate friends. I think that is partly because the people who supported me through Ray's journey were
Tonight at Lions I got an award, it was one of those strange ones that gets you thinking about life. I was awarded Grandparent of the Year. Originally this award would have been for younger men who became a grandparent for the first time or had some outstanding number of children. Our Club has awarded it to great grandparents too. Tonight I got it for what the former president ( it was held for me after the changeover dinner when I was in England) said was special circumstances, I guess the
I just read Ann Rogers' blog. It was wonderful to meet up with Ann after the years of chatting to her here and on Facebook. As soon as we saw each other it was as if we had each found a sister, closer even than that relationship perhaps. We of the stroke community are all family because of the experiences we have shared in our journeys, we know it, Ann and I have proved it. We could have used a week of catching up but it was just a couple of days as I had other plans to follow but I am so glad w
As Steve is reviving "100 things you didn't know about me" I went back and found this old blog of mine called "Who am I?" which was a challenge from a member who was very active at that time called Susan Lowe. It is another way of putting together a list about yourself. Mine has a genealogical flavour (so I am a complex person...lol) and I thought I would revive it so you can use it as an example. Maybe you can see things in it that will inspire you to do one of your own.
Who am I?
I am fro
I had a few days away visiting with my daughter and my family, it was nice to be with them for my birthday, to have a present first thing in the morning from the grandkids and they sang "Happy Birthday" and made me feel special. We had a special dinner that night, leg of lamb with garlic and roasted vegetables, a huge feast for me. So it was all very nice. I took the friend I had staying with me down to my daughter's place and she enjoyed herself too. She comes from an inland town where they wak
I have been very busy lately too busy to have the time I need to do things at my own pace. I am having to remember I am getting older and need more down time so I have to think of the motto: "Live one day at a time". I understand the necessity for that when I look back at what happened during the week and it is just a blur. That is not the way I should live life at my age, life in the fast lane is for the young who have higher energy levels and a quicker recovery time.
I am supposed to be
Do you remember the book: "I'll teach my Dog 100 words?" well we learn new words when we do something different in our lives. During my time as a caregiver I learned a lot of new words. I learned the meaning of therapy, rehabilitation, recovery, survivor, caregiver, isolation, rejection, loneliness. I learned what MRI, TIA and many other acronyms stood for. I learned about patience and I learned about what "till death us do part" really means. Above all I learned the real meaning of LOVE,
One of the things I realise I need to do as a widow is widen my world. When you are a caregiver your world narrows, in my case until the only focus was Ray. Ray's wellbeing, Ray's health issues, Ray's needs all dominated our lives particularly in the last few years of his life. Then when he died, followed by Mum's death two months later the grieving took over and that dominated my life. Then at two and a half years out I suddenly realised that if it was to be it is up to me. So now if someone as
The rains continues to fall on my part of the coast. There was a two hour let up this afternoon so I scraped together piles of leaves and small branches to dispose of later. There is always something to keep us busy isn't there? There was the sound of chainsaws and grinders as people are slowly clearing the fallen trees from their properties. It is a shame so many aged trees went, it creates a new landscape in a way as you see homes that before were hidden by a row of trees. There are fences
We are having flooding all up and down the coastal area where I live. There has been loss of life further up in the Hunter Region but here is is all nuisance flooding. Natural disasters bring out the best in people and in our area many people are helping their neighbours and maybe meeting them for the first time. I am lucky, so far little damage apart from an overflowing gutter on the back section of the house that brought water into my back room where the computer is usually sitting. It was
Many years ago this site I posted a blog in which I compared talking to people who are friendly, interested and concerned but not quite on the same wavelength as being like people thinking about a pie,. Yum we say, but you are thinking blueberry and I am thinking peach. That is where I find myself right now. I had a few days down with my daughter and it was good, the grandkids and I did things together and I had a good talk with my daughter and another with my son in law. I realized they have no
I haven't posted a blog because nothing has changed, nothing has stood out in my memory with sparkle. So just plodding along here doing what has to be done. I had a disappointment on Monday when a friend I was expecting for lunch didn't turn up. No explanation, no phone call so hope it wasn't me that had got the date wrong. This is a friend of long standing who is usually trustworthy so maybe the trip she planned didn't happen...without an explanation who knows? I think I do better with that sor
What do I do with my time? Life seems to be full on at present with the new minister not selected yet and a lot of my time taken up with extra church services and of course visiting in nursing homes. I now have nine little old ladies to visit, two of them are personal, a lovely lady Lion who had a stroke and has been in a nursing home now for four years and my daughter's godmother who lives in the assisted living units in the same complex. The rest are church people but now in two facilities n
Life has some strange co-incidences sometimes. I had a wonderful morning out, a walk beside the Lake, went to the movies to see : "The Second Best Exotic marigold Hotel" then did some shopping and finally had lunch in a place we used to go to as a family. I was the only customer and the partner in the business who I have known since he was a teen sat down and told me all his troubles. He is the owner's son and really her caregiver as well as she has had mini strokes. She still works in the kitch
Today I am thinking how nice it would be to have someone to tell me : "there, there, it will all be okay soon." Yesterday was not a good day. I went to a church meeting, did my part of the service, just a reading, didn't stay for morning tea as I was feeling sick, got out of the car in my driveway and I was sick. I was lucky to get out of the car I guess. Was sick on and off for a while and then had a shower and spent most of the day laying down, feeling sad and sorry for myself. That is when I
Did you miss me? I just came back from Broken Hill where I had a week with my younger son. I went up to support him when he went to the Family Court to gain access visits with his daughter Alice. It is so sad that a marriage break-up causes such pain, not just to the couple but to their families as well. I have really missed seeing her and talking to her on Skype. It is a difficult journey in a way but I am glad I went as he said it had made a difference to him.
I got to spend Thursday w
This blog is a few comments I would like to make about funerals. Only read it if you want to. I know sometimes we don't want to read about such a topic but it is one I have had a lot to do with so I am expressing some personal opinions, not writing a handbook.
Whenever I post on Facebook or on here that I have been to a funeral a lot of people say they are sad for my loss etc. I do pastoral care in our church so I go to a lot of funerals. For me this is the end of the journey, the past is pa
Last time I wrote a blog I was still hopping around on a foot and a half, now I am back to walking on both feet and wearing some nicer shoes. Unfortunately the new skin blistered and now I have a whole other problem, sometimes you can't get anything right. I am just fillng in summer with some gardening, and extra tasks, this week it was attacking the cobwebs and just general tidying up. I don't feel a compulsion to do a lot, I am finally learning to pace myself., just maybe I am getting olde
The rains are here. In either January or February we have a long rainy period, today is the third day of what will probably be a week of coastal rain. As a single person I don't have a lot of stimulation so dull rainy days whether in winter or summer affect my mood. I cried over Ray for the first time in a while. I was thinking he should be having a nap now. It is strange how I don't think of him hourly but still daily. For so many years I planned his life almost hour by hour and now I still thi
Last Thursday I had a dramatic incident. I came down the back of my house block carrying one of the planters and stood on the upturned prongs of an old fashioned metal rake. It went into my foot through my shoe. I sat down and cried with the pain, yelled “help” to see if anyone would come and then decided I had to do something about it. I weighed down the rake with bricks and slowly pulled my foot off it. Ouchy! That was painful.
I rang my daughter-in-law and she advised bathing it in salty
In my Lifeline training I learned I can be one of three things, a signpost, a bus stop or a wailing wall. I have spent a lot of time being a wailing wall. I have cried with a lot of people. In my training days I cried with each member of the groups I trained. We all have a sad story in us, that is the touching point for all of us who are caregivers, the place where we can identify our own pain and in doing so feel the pain of others.It is in feeling the pain of others that we can be of some
I am not a great believer in karma as I have my faith but I can see how karma affects our lives. I have been off track for some time. I think it started when I realised that Christmas was going to be far different this year. For some reason that built up some resentment and resentment and bitterness have bad effects on our mental and physical health so I started to feel unwell and basically uneasy. I also listened to some of the wrong voices around me so went away from what I know are core v
Do you remember how it felt to be a kid on Christmas Eve? All that anticipation! I wish that I could recapture that feeling again now. "What will I get for Christmas?"is the refrain that runs through our childhood. That turns into "What will I do for Christmas?" as an adult and especially as an adult with a family, especially when the budget it tight, and now as a widow "Where will I be for Christmas?" With all my children so scattered that was a problem so I accepted an invitation to go to a fr
I am sitting here thinking about Life. Not a good idea as the busier I am the happier I am. But I spent all day writing out Christmas cards yesterday and I feel less Christmassy than before I stated. Seems as if it is a waste of time, paper in, paper out, words in, words floating out into space like released party balloons never to be seen again.. I think it is because there is not a good news story here, just the bumbling day by day event that I call my life. I think I am tired of keeping up ap
