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therapy in a word

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conntact

Would like to thank the strokenet member who took time to touchbase with me. Thanks for the chat and sharing.We both agreed, no one can really understand where we are coming from except those who are walking our walk and it's nice to discuss issues with someone on the same path..TThanks...Heather

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hpoirier

in the middle

I sit here, uable to understand how my life has come to the point,where I am sitting alone,my heart broken in a neglected house,limited abilities and income,still married,after 5years of stroke recovery,while my husband spends his days off at his female friend's house, doing chores for her,while her own husband lives alone in a fancy condo and to "busy" to help her.He stood by me and looked out for my well being thru my whole crisis,but them proceeded to involve this person in our lives Are care

hpoirier

hpoirier

happy 5 years to me

Well, today is my 5th stroke year anniversary. I am sitting infront of a t.v., I can actually hear. 5 years ago, it was only possible with subtitles. tomorrow, I am off to our cottage, the scene of the crime,as it were. That is where the stroke happened. On a supposed- to -be- romantic weekend with my husband, after 2 stressful weeks of me trying to bear the thought that he was poosibly having an affair, we were at our cottage to attend his sister's 50th birthday party and as well,spend some

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hpoirier

reply

I want to thank all for help. Yes, I will tried craig's list. I will be carefill

hpoirier

hpoirier

starting again

I remember coming home from rehab and no one was here during the day. I was alone and afraid. What happens if I fall? get a telephone call?Someone at the door? have a siezure? I went on the internet and found strokenetworkI couldn't figure out the chat thing but I could read about other people in my situation, and actually started feeling a little less afraid and glad that I was not as bad off as others or that there were positive possibilities in the future. I want desperately to start a stroke

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hpoirier

Thanks

Thanks for the response about seperation after stroke. It is a tough call ,whether it was ue to strke or just aging process. I am sort of relieved my husband does not have to put up with the issues of my changing body i.e. hot flashes ,gas,etc. It is just that other couples who share their humorous,marrital,sharing of sleeping together, make me sad that we are missing these memories in our lives. We have been thru soooo much other stuff...

hpoirier

hpoirier

companionship

I too am being CARED FOR(if one can call it that) by my husband. meaning- he pays the bills and keeps a roof over my head. He does not sleep with me. He works 4/4 and every 4 days that he is off, he goes to our cottage,where normally his "friend"(female),who bought property beside us and is planning to build, always is visiting,her new property, to do work. She stays in our cottage. We have always planned to retire there and have spent our entire marriage working toward that goal. I have asked

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hpoirier

What to allow

That is awesome asha! I wish I had that philosophy in my mind from the beginning. I am just having trouble about which trees to allow. Some are starting to take and they don't seem appropriate(if you know what I mean)...Heath

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hpoirier

after the fire

Asha's reference to a stroke being like a fire is amazing!So true. Yet I find myself digging out og a rea pile of ashes.I thinkthere is a mixture of some old dirt and dust that never got cleaned up before the event.Somedays,the weight is grueling

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hpoirier

Thanks for being there

When they sent me home from rehab August of 2006, I had no idea, how I was going to survive. I was basically alone, with my husband working, renvating and spending time with his sick parents. My kids were in school, working and living their ives. No one Iknew,who could speak, had had a stroke and none of my friends understood. Also, I am in a community that supports NO stroke, support group(which I hope to change) Iwent to the internet and found strokenet. evemnthough I could not chat due to an

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hpoirier

Don't know the answer

I have figured out that God is making it so miserable for me here so that when it is time to face the ernd I will not be afraid but glad to get it iver with and go somewhere else because anyother situation would bw welcome.I was sitting at church when this hit me.I guess that is what my Minister meant by"You have to be patient."It's just too bad we can't have the"Heaven oon Earth"Ten we could share it with al our loved ones and not have to wait.What would the religiouds leaders have to sellus th

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hpoirier

So I am alllllowed to be amgry eh?

My church minister came over for a chat today.I wanted to know what I di now that I have totally lost faith in my God?I meam,He has not given me any cause to gave faith in gim lately so I just lost it.He said you are allowed to be angry at God you know>I said Og that I am but I don/t like amger.It is uglyWhy cam't he just be nice and we could be happy.Is there a problem with people wanting to be happy?It seems everytime I try,God smashes me down with another painful event.The"loving,gentle G

hpoirier

hpoirier

Don't know what's happening

So something has clicked Don't know what.I don''t swear as much anymore.I can spend more time alone and don't totally hate it.I ammmm not dwelling on the"why" causeI don't care I just care about the results.I am keeping really busy with friends and not worrying about housework and what I used to worry about.I am not even excersising like a fanatic but get in the necessary ones.........Anyway,whatever works........

hpoirier

hpoirier

improvements

I think I figured out one of the reasons I have been so depressed.I have had no improvements (that I could recognize) in the last couple of months.All the waiting and waiting and excersising and practiseseems so useless.YesyerdayI went for my hearing test and what do you know?In the word recognition part,I went from a 38%to 96%.It really changed my attidtude.My big black cloud lifted and stayed gone for the whole day.I even went out with the girls last night eventhough I was exhausted.I caught

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hpoirier

control

So my Shsycho;ogist says "good that I annnn havingg "good days"Slowly,there will be ,ore amd hoprgully,ome day ,more good onesthan bad.I just takr it as it comes.I am starting to give in to the fact I have almost no control over amythinh amyway

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hpoirier

a "good day"

This is what a good day is.First one in a while.Did not start off "good".I got up with a back ache.DIDN'T REALLY WANNA GET OUTA BED.down in the kitchenI search and realize...No coffee.It is gone.I look at all the spots my husband might choose to "store"the extrabut nothing!!.I am *beep*.I scrounge a couple of beans and grind them.then steal some of his expresso.Ugh.It was rough.I know there are no banannas,no fruit because Ian has no time for groceries.no dishsoap.none of my milk.I think.OKIreme

hpoirier

hpoirier

fear

After reading some blog comments,I realized that my life right now is a big drama of fear.from the time I wake up tillI go yto bed.I live in fear that something horrible will happen again or that I will not be able to handle situations well.I fear for myself,My kids and my husband.He has to leave for seversl weeks on a trip ndI am dying of fear to be left alone with the kids...............

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hpoirier

Bussin' it

I got up late today!!.That was a new thing for me.I am always up too early .I have always been a person who hates to be late for anything so I end up too early for everything.Today,I got up 10 minutes before my OT arrived.We were going to practise taking the bus together to the rehab centre,I was so dissoriented!.We managed to get there in good time but when we had to transfer buses,I put on a new brace that I rarely use.It is very supportive but bigger than the one I normally wear.I had it in m

hpoirier

hpoirier

the start of a good day

i GOT OGG ON A GOOD start by doing my excersises and having my shower.I used my husbands suggestion to change in the bedroom so that I can dry of more.Trying to put on a bra when the skin is still damp is impossible and super frustrating.I managed all that without swearing once,a good thingI feel more relaxed.Is it as easyy as"deciding to be positive like my husbamd believes cause if it is,sign me up.I want the insanity gone

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hpoirier

one step at a time in one day at a time

I went to my friend who did a "healing hands session wiyh mr and finally had a good cry.She told me to give myself permission to cry when I felt like it ,We talked about my frustrations and she gave me some solutions to try and /I actually feel much better.The phsychologist I am seeing does nothing compared to this person.Why am I seeing a professionalwho just sits and looks at me?I am going to see my friend as much as possible to try and work through these horrible anxieties and depression.With

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hpoirier

desperation

After much discussion with family,friens and docs,I yhink I have decided yto try to get thriygh this thing without the antidepressants.I just can't deal with having side effects.o much is wrong with me nowI can;t afford more pain or dizziness.I am looking for alternatives to work through the anxiety,My therapist has no formula, no plan.I feel lost in the waters.I wish someone would give me some concrete adviceI willl try anything to get some peaceI tried the meditation thing but it just gave me

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hpoirier

Did I say "happy?"

As I have mentioned ,there are few that I recognize lately.I will give today a chance at the podium of "good days"I woke up, not wanting to get out of bed.I couldn't face another day.I did my excersises and was at the computer,when a friend driopped by.(acqaintance really.The wife of my church's minister.She asked me ifI would come to their house for coffee and a change of scenery.My husband was at work,My kids also gone to workand I potentially was facing another lonely day,but Poof,Jane came t

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hpoirier

foegotten life

I sometimesreali\e that I am slowly foegettingabout what my life used to be like.Only the strong things come to mind everyonce in a while or if I trying something specific.It feels better not remembering so I don't miss it as much.I do remember being happy though and I still miss that emotion.I amso void of it now.

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hpoirier

just for today

Today I wwoke up and thought "I shall try no to get over anxious today.I want to go through a day when my stomach is not turned inside out and My head is not on the verge of exploding..Just today.So far,so good but it is still early.I'll tell of the results tomorrow

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hpoirier