Mindfulness. I of course have just read Jean's blog on building your own violin. Oddly enough, this topic is one I have explored in different ways recently. Another way of understanding mindfulness, is to be aware of what you are doing, how you react, what you say. As a survivor, be aware where you are placing the affected foot. I am reading a book right now that explores this, "Zen and the art of Motorcycle maintenance".I'm really enjoying this book, I find it hard the level of concentration I
My thoughts this morning are on measuring sticks......Meaning how we each percieve our strokes and how we as indivuals measure how bad we were hit. Who's to say that the survivor that had a mild stroke, bounced right back and bopped back to work within weeks or less as some continue on with their pre stroke life as if the stroke never happened. They are still stroke survivors and I am not denying that fact with what I'm trying to say. Those are the ones that are lucky. Luckier then the rest of
Well, yes I'm on my self imposed leave, but I thought I'd blog a short entry. We told the kids yesterday we are divorcing, it went well. That is a huge relief that is over with, I have an appointment Tuesday morning with a lawyer and I have gotten mostly everything I need for the apartment.
I was sorting the picture albums all afterrnoon, that task had its moments. Then I started on the filing cabinet and desk drawers, those can wait a day or two. Slowly the pressure is lifting, I feel as if I
I am 40 now and have discovered the merits of eating chocolate. I may be a late bloomer just finding this out, but I can claim brain damage, and the fact that I am now in menopause and have put the "P" in PMS. But it is simply amazing what I will now do for a Milky Way bar.
The spouse buys Milky Ways in bulk now, because both kids and I love them. I don't need them, but a treat is nice every once in awhile. They reside on top of the fridge. Now when one has stroked and has a balence issue,
Maybe in my dreams, my life is quiet...... not in reality. Well I feel better, my leave has helped, except I couldn't get on the site for the last 4 days, felt cut off and anxiety filled.
I saw the lawyer on tuesday, found out I can't get divorced yet. It is all very complex and I'm not going to try to explain it here. Simply put, the agreement Kurt and I worked out that would be the best for the kids actually makes a legal mess that no judge would approve....... So I continue on with moving o
I've been having a running arguement with the X for days now. He just stomped out of here, guess he didn't like what I said. Oh well. After he pulled away and I shut my door and locked it, I felt so free. Free of him, free of being a caring loving wife, free of play acting.Most of all free that I'm not his emotional crutch anymore. The responsibility that brought was heavy. Speaking of this makes me realize this July 4th will have added meaning for me. If only I was legally free of him. But that
Where's the anger when you need it? In my three years post stroke, I've found that my survivor anger was huge and it was a motivator for me. But I also found out that the anger was a negative force of energy that was draining me. So I let it all go, released it, took a deep breath and felt much better. Now during this period of loads and gobs of survivor anger, I made some life altering decisions. I decided that I wanted a divorce from this man I was married to, who turned out to be more needy t
OK, if you're a guy reading this you should probably stop as I'm going to dish and only females will appreciate what I have to say.
I just met one of my new landlords( didn't know there were two) and Ty from ABC's Extreme Makeovers is one of my landlords! No, not the real Ty but one who looks close enough like him that I did a double take. And the local Ty is handy too, electrical, plumbing, sheetrocking, tiler and painter. We exchanged a few words. He told me the houses name is "Glenda" ( ye
As most of you know, I was married 16 years when I stroked at age 37 4 years ago. Things went rapidly downhill with my spouse and I as he couldn't handle the stroke and how it changed me. He rejected me because I was handicapped now, in a world ruled by appearances and illusion, nothing less then perfection is allowed in. So I stuck it out for 3 years post stroke. We didn't talk just lived at the same address for 3 years and the tension just kept mounting. In May of 2005 I moved into my own ap
9 a.m. this morning, I was sitting at my old house at the dining room table I once loved and was thrilled to own. We were getting audited for 2003. It was about an hour into it the agent, says I'm not gonna waste anyone elses time, this is fine here.
But my reason for blogging this, (besides getting off of page 2) is I used to throw everything out. Bank statements, deposit slips ect... well you shouldn't cause they saved our a** today. As 2003 was after I stroked, Kurt took over paying the bi
I have a story to tell. The other day after we dropped Peter off at the airport, we (my parents and I) went to The Christmas Tree Shop. I had never been to the one in Albany and I was thrilled with the entire store. I'm waiting on line, the checker is a middle aged guy who was slower then Molasses. I was tired by then and the wait was even longer because the guy moved and talked slow.
Now in my previous life I had been a waitress, I moved quick, talked quick and operated on a daily speed of
The blog title refers to whatever my fingers type out. I can't decide what I want to blog about right now. My feelings? My thoughts? Ah ha got it! I think I may blog about biker types in reply to a question someone asked in their blog a day or so ago. Or I may just blog about the types of guys in general.
Biker types: Whats the attraction? None really, it is more of a joke between Cinder and I. But biker type guys live on a different side of life..... a short walk on the wild side. As I am
Well I think I'll keep in the theme of incompetence.But it isn't medical incompetence. It is my long distance carrier, AT&T. I signed up with them two months ago, 7 cents a minute plan and the international plan, I pay a nominal fee each month for the priveledge of getting those rates. Well after speaking with numerous employees of AT&T, no one has gotten me in the system and I am carying a $500.00 phone bill that needs to be re rated and credited to my phone company! How hard is it to
Well I just read a blog and I read someones reply to their blog entry. It got me thinking, it was a vent about questions regarding religion and god. The reply mentioned fear of not knowing their god. That is it in a nutshell, right there is why I don't participate in church or believe in the whole mass hyponosis of christianity. I will not embrace an idea that has been interpreted into hundresds of branches of belief that all call themselves a different name. I will not do anything that is fear
I'm still here, plugging along. Alive and kicking. I have been keeping busy these days, filling up the days so the boredom stays away. Here it is friday already, where'd the rest of the week go to?Plus by staying busy, I'm tired at night and sleeping through the night again, but back to getting up early around 5 a.m. And I got good news! Yhe pair of jeans I bought last summer fit again! and they are loose and comfortable too. I hate wearing jeans that are so tight, you can't even take a deep br
Well I just got a PM from Asha asking when I'd blog again? My company left yesterday. Whew! It was a long two weeks. All I'll say is a compassionate kind caregiver I'm not or waitress, busboy or significant other either. I know I am destined to be single, live alone, do things my way. Can't teach this old dog new tricks.
I've become set in my ways having this apartment. I can't function if things are moved or not put back in their place. I learned quite a bit these past two weeks.
I know I
You know, it is a good thing I don't have powers like God is supposed to have. I would abuse those powers, not a doubt in my mind. I seek revenge on those I feel deserve it. Well I am wound up about the spouse and his mother. I know I should not be letting them make me angry, I know I am a better person then the Narcissist and his mother who seems to adore her youngest child a tad too much, where it borders on incest and being sick. But You know what? This is my blog and I'm going to say somet
Well I thought I'd share my blond moments today. I was supposed to see the lawyer this morning, so I was showered and dressed by 8 a.m. Well no appointment took place, but it was the third day in a row that I thought I was getting out and about. I've been antsy and a bit bored the last day or two. So I asked my dad to take me grocery shopping. My daughter is spending most of the weekend and I'm tired of hearing that I have nothing "good" to eat, meaning fast food junk. So I needed to stock up on
I need a handbook that is called something like "Relationships for Dummies" How the hell have I reached the age of 41 and not reached some understanding of what it is I want. Forget the answer to the question of WHO. Sure I know specifically what I won't put up with, but what do I want???? This week I've been guilty of making some pretty broad generalized statements along the lines of I want to be alone, I don't want to live with anyone, ect.... Then at the first opportunity I'm ready to jump o
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries
>are getting weak?
>
>Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there
>is not enough?
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>Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion
>stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
>
>Whydoesn't glue stick to the bottle?
>
>Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
>
>Whydoesn't Tarzan have a be
As a girl, I was completely horse crazy. I read all the horse books and I favored Walter Farly's "The Black Stallion" series. I also had a Shetland pony called Playmate. She had been trained as a cart horse or a trotter, she hated being ridden. Everytime I got on her back, it became a contest who could be more stubborn. She did everything to get you off of her back, she'd go under tree branches to try and knock me off, rub against the fence and buck like a wild bronco, if those things were unsuc
It isn't quite 8 a.m. and I haven't finished my first cup of coffee and I'm out of sugar and had to use Splenda. Ah well such is life some mornings..... I was wandering in the older entries of blogs and read one by Givincare about reaching goals. It distinctly reminded me of a time on my journey to acceptance where the question begged to be answered. "When does having huge amounts of hope, turn out to really be denial in disguise"? As many know, hope can be a persuasive thing, it seduces one in
Lately we here in the northeast have had a solid week of rain, dark, cold and wet days. I even put my heat on. Amoung other events that happened, I wasn't my happy go lucky self, kind of bummed I've been.....
I woke up this morning and my Hibiscus is blooming! It bloomed wonderfully all summer, soon as I brought it in, the buds dropped off. I thought no more blooms tilll next spring when I put it back outside. So what a wonderful surprise I got when I walked into the room and the bloom is d
