welcome to my metaverse

A blog by Guest in General

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About this blog

sandy's(goddessmd)riffs on existence and other stuff

Entries in this blog

i wanna be sedated

something that Jean blogged in somebody else's blog inspired me to pen a few short words on the topic of internet suicidal ramblings.   i have many facets that are a part of my identity. i am a trained psychiatrist with so many qualifications and so much experience that i could bottle it and sell it. however, when i come to this site, i am a stroke survivor/caregiver who is sharing her experience, strength, and hope with other survivors and caregivers. i am not coming to this site as a psyc
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american idiot?

DON'T WANT TO BE AN AMERICAN IDIOT DON'T WANT A NATION UNDER THE NEW MANIA CAN YOU HEAR THE SOUND OF HYSTERIA? THE SUBLIMINAL MIND F*** AMERICA   i got home from work at 10 pm, exhausted because i worked all day and i have some sort of cold. after having a conversation with my dad (my second of the day) in which i got him to promise to let my mom do the work she had to do before she came to his room to sit with him, played ZED for five minutes while i reminded John that he had to chang
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two brains for the price of one

i went with John to his first meeting with the neuropsychology fellow and the neuropsychologist in the Rehab Medicine Dept of Mount Sinai Hospital. he was referred there by his new RehabMedicine doc, who was my Rehab Medicine docwhen i stroked 8 yrs ago.   the two neuropsychs interviewed John and i for about an hour and gave us both some questionnaires.they looked at his previous neuropsych testing and his MRIs. the neuropsych said that they wanted him to be retested and to take a lot of
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Con-nut brittle

when i posted on Sister Pam's blog on 'intolerance,' part of my post included the following:     i have been continuing to think about this topic all day, while i went with John for his evaluation for Cognitive Rehab, then out wiht John for Ethiopian food (raw beef again, Jean), and then to the movies with John to see 'Wallace and Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit', a must-see movie, if you ask me. i won't spoil the ending for you, but part of the theme revolved around purging the ev
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i am not a 'liberal'

several people on this website have implied that i am a 'liberal' whatever that means. i want to set the record straight once and for all. i am not a 'liberal'   'liberalism', as defined by Encarta, is   this definition of 'liberalism' is not, i think, the definition of 'liberal' that people who are far from 'liberal' mean when they say, 'liberal'. so what do they mean, anyway? i have researched the Cato Institute, the Heritage Foundation, Rush Limbaugh's website, and several other
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werewolves anonymous

i was puzzled and amused by the last entry in my blog comments, especially since the poster is so wise and intelligent. raw meat yucky? why, i eat raw meat and raw fish all the time...and my realtime friends and John do as well. i was raised on raw meat; my mom used to make hamburger patties and eat raw meat, and when i was old enough(about 8) she used to let me help her and allow me to eat raw meat.   then the thought struck me-suppose this idiosyncracy is only confined to people in the co
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friends+work=semiretirement

there has been a lot of 'talk' about friends on this website lately, which is interesting, because i talked to my therapist about friends and people in my life (including this webite) today. i am now sitting at the computer on two chairs (one for my legs, one for my butt) with my feline friend, Marmaduke, sitting on my lap; he appears to have no intention of getting off, and is insisting that i type with one hand and pet him with the other one.   i find people very interesting. i am a very s
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i hate MSN and anything connected to Bill Gates

i just had finished my blog. i pressed spell check and MSN Explorer closed, thus eating my blog. i am really frustrated with MSN, Windows, and Microsoft in general. John has a PC desktop because he insisted that he couldn't and didn't want to learn the Mac platform when his last computer crashed and burned and became unusable about two years ago. my laptop is not plugged into the internet right now so i am using his desktop, which at this point i can maneuver on and fix better than he can. i
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i HATE BUGS!!!!

i had a meltdown on Sunday evening and told John that since i had to take care of myself through my stroke, my dad's stroke and our car accident, with no help from my parents, my first husband, or him, i didn't want to work or do anything except sit and play computer games for the rest of my existence. this was after John not doing anything to process or compensate for his brain injury since he received the MRI report documenting it, with the attitude of 'since i have this injury, i might as we
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10

Hawaii Dreaming...or anywhere but here

i am very confused.   being in the position of both survivor (moi) and primary physical caregiver (John) and secondary executive caregiver (my dad) leaves me feeling like the poster girl for multiple stroke/TBI personality disorder.   because i don't have any obvious physical/psychological disabilities, and am a working professional and gifted in many of my endeavors (including shaking money from trees, extracting information from unnamed sources, knowing when to hit which authorities wi
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i want to come back as a spoiled yuppie CAT

i'm back at work for one week after being on vacation for two weeks. why do i feel like i was never away?   my cellphone, which doubles as my emergency practice number, rang constantly and at ungodly hours (Hawaii is six hours behaind New York)while i was on vacation. when i got back, i had a fair number of patients and professional colleagues going bonkers. my husband has reacted to the news that he has a MRI-documented brain injury by taking a dive off the deep end. my father is campain
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Bad Boys, Bad Boys, Watcha Gonna Do

so i'm going to hawaii. my plane leaves at 7am tomorrow. what am i doing instead of packing? i'm blogging.   this blogging is getting addictive. i'm probably taking my computer along, not to work, but to go on the internet, visit with you guys, and blog. i won't tell John this is one of the main reasons that i'm considering it. he would be hurt, like i can't be on vacation just with him. hell, we're going to an international NA convention. he can hang out with other NA people. it won't
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my virgin ears

ok, ok...so i miscounted again. this morning's blog was actually #17, not #15. i'm not very arithmetically inclined when it's after midnight and my head is a peach. i'm happy to report that after a mere 45 minutes under the bleach, my hairs are now light blond and not breaking. Laurie, my hairdresser, said that we will have to bleach my hair for two days in a row from now on to get the color i want without looking like a badly shorn animal. my hair will never be bleached into whit
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if i have one life, let me live it as a blond

my realtime friend Ellen, who is extremely politically correct and was raised as a second generation red diaper baby, used to keep on asking me when i was going to stop polluting the environment by bleaching my hair (i only had highlights then). after telling her, for several years, that i will continue to bleach my hair until i shape-shift and enter a parallel universe, she now just looks at me disapprovingly when i say that i'm going to get my all of my hair bleached.   15. if i have one
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better living through chemistry

i feel really good today. my wounds are healing, my car is being fixed, my psychotropic medications seem to be regulated, and we're going to Honolulu for a Narcotics Anonymous International Conference next week. John went back on his Lamictal, and his hostile, verbally violent temper went away, so he's back to his sweet, forgetful, slightly ditzy self, and i'm no longer planning to give him an arsenic chaser to his meds any more.   i am so grateful that i have friends here, friends in my
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PAIN IN THE BUTT

oh, i hate this...i was almost finished with a post and somehow i moved myself to another page and lost it. i'm stoned on tramadol, buspar and tylenol because i have an intense pain in the butt   14. surgical procedures REALLY suck!!!   i went to my friendly neighborhood GI surgeon to get my hemorrhoids banded. this was the third time i went to him since June for this, so he decided to 'do me am favor' and band two of them so i won't have to come back beyond the post-op followup. the
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There Has To Be a Balance in Life

well, i finally got a car today! on August 1 i brought my car in for service as was called less than two hours later by my very rude service consultant who told me to take my car and bring it back to the body shop, because it was broken from the accident that i had in 9/04. since this person does not speak English very well, i couldn't really understand what he was talking about, and as he started to scream incoherently at me i told him that i would have to go get my foot-thick file on said ac
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i hate Coumadin

now that i'm on topic number 11, i decided that this entry needs...no, deserves a special title that will truly portray the deep sentiments that i have for this topic   11. f*** acceptance...I HATE COUMADIN!!! i hate the little number that i have to chase around on a regular basis to make sure that i will not have another stroke (too little) or an intercranial bleed (too much). i hate the myriad of medications which speed up or slow down the various cytochrome P450s so that i have to go fo
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welcome, part 4

this blog is starting to sound like the song '99 bottles of beer on the wall...if one of the bottles should happen to fall, 98 bottles of beer on the wall, and so on, and so on...'   my broadband cable went out and was out all afternoon, so no internet, no "Cold Case Files", no "Law and Order". thank the goddess that the cable was on from 11-12, so i could watch Jerry Springer.   11. my secret, nasty vices are: a) Jerry Springer; b) The Surreal Life, second season,
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welcome....part 3 (gotta get to 100 or bust!)

okay, so i miscounted and did number 7 twice. i was never good in arithmetic-must have some sort of learning disability. i never learned my times tables and never even attempted my long division homework. than the goddess for calculators! arithmetic and mathematics are allegedly processed in two separate areas of the brain. therefore, i can do multivariable calculus (or used to do it), but i can't add or balance my checkbook.   9. my husband is a pain in the butt. he can't handle the brain
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Welcome to my world, part 2

ok, ok, so i BLEW OFF my therapist and asked for a phone session because i am really tired, i was sick until Monday, and i have to take the d**n subway and bus to work tomorrow because the powers that be still haven't decided to total my car or not. i am just SO TIRED. somewhere in the back of my mind i know that this is because i have several medical conditions that make me tired, but part of me still feels like i'm being lazy-where is my acceptance today?   what number was i up to, anyway
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welcome to my world

as the sappy theme song in 'Love Story' (i think) goes, how do i begin?   i started this blog as a way of getting me to write non-professionally. i write a lot of reports, letters, charts, etc., for my practice. i have a real problem writing things down, especially since i remember most things and can repeat situations/conversations from years ago. i think part of this comes from me always losing my clipboard when i was an intern. after going through several clipboards, i decided to just mem
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