For a while now I have been trying to make some changes in my life. One of them is to calm life down. Now I can be a bit of a drama queen (hey! I am a woman!) and I know that stress is not good for me and worse for Ray so I am trying to de-stress us both. As Ray ages he certainly appreciates the quiet life. And if he is stressed the result shows up in his sugar readings, they sky rocket, so it is in his interest too that we live a quieter life.
This resulted in me having a very quiet bir
Another week ended and a calm, quiet one at that. Nothing much to tell you. The weather is fine, the nights colder, the washing dried today. Life is very mundane but I would be delighted to keep it that way for a few weeks. That way I can build up my strength for the next "critical incident". I wish there would never be one but life has a habit of not letting me rest for long.
Today I went to the Dementia support group which meets first and third Fridays. We had two short films, the fir
"Like a gold prospector you must resign yourself to picking up a lot of sand from which you will later patiently wash out a few minute particles of gold." (no author) That is a quote from the end of a post that Aleanna made recently. I must say I was impressed with it. It is so true of my life. Sometimes I feel as if the sand dunes of Arabia are on my doorstep, blown here by that particular wind that blows trouble to your door. And yes, if I sift enough I may find that elusive good thing but
I took Ray to his neurologist today, he goes every six months to get his Reminyl script and for the neuro to see how he is, he has been Ray's neuro since he came back to the local hospital after his first stroke 17 years ago. It is not unusual to go in for an appointment and have a strange conversation. The neurologist is very easy to talk to. He does clinical trials and a lot of lecturing and stroke education seminars both for lay people and medical professionals. He tends to talk about what
I have just finished chat, taken the laundry and hung it on the line as it's a sunny day, set up some soup for lunch. Phew! there is so much to do. But I don't really feel like doing anything much. I just want to sit down and sort a few things out in my mind. So if you are not into that read no further.
I'm in a bit of a quandary again. I have just joined another board, this one is about dementia and is based in Australia so I thought it would be good to speak to the locals. Compared
Now I know just why Ray loves Camp Breakaway. They treat their guests like royalty, nothing is too much trouble, everything comes to them, food, drinks, entertainment. There is a personal aide or a shower nurse if you need one. There is a nurse on staff and they will get you to the hospital if that is where you need to go. One of the older gentlemen did go to the nearest hospital to have heart pains checked out, he was okay and told to see his doctor when he got home today. It is all covered
When we were kids we used to play a lot of games which involved running away from a "catcher". One was called "Whichever way the wind blows". I think it had started with a story about children running way. From my recollection you stood in four groups on what would have been the compass points, north, south, east and west. The "catcher" stood in the middle. She spun on the spot and pointed at one of the groups and that group ran away with her in hot pursuit. The one of the group who was ca
Ray and I went for our bus trip today with the WAGS (stroke support) group. It is the first time in fifteen months Ray and I have been on a bus trip and in a way this was a test run to see if going on a bus/coach for a day trip or for a few days break is possible. Well, from today's experience it is not an option any more. But then I should have known that as soon as we did the pick-ups and I realised I was the only caregiver pushing a wheelchair.
The trip went to a historic house the oth
It rained this afternoon so I watched a video and a couple of tv programs. I went to visit my Mum this morning in her Dementia Lodge and got her to giggle by playing one of those games where you pretend to be a spider, creeping your fingers along until they touch the hand they have on the table. The same game makes Alex laugh too. Also got her to drink her strawberry milk down too which pleased the nurses. She doesn't drink enough now and as a result has frequent UTI's which have to be treate
There are a lot of well meaning people in my life. They come from all walks of life and from just about every period in my life. They may be friends of long standing or more recent friends. Some are maybe more in the casual acquaintance category but in the past those have sometimes turned into friends too, so I don't as a rule categorise them. They are all friends to me.
I am one of those people who encourages others to voice an opinion. I do so here on my blog and in chat. I allow for p
This is not going to be a happy blog so some of you probably shouldn't read it. We all get confused sometimes. Forgetting things is normal. But there is a step beyond forgetting that can be signs of early dementia. Ray has vascular dementia but he has just completed all the signs of early dementia and started to show some of the signs on the moderate list.
Because I was worried over a few incidents that have happened in the past week I went back to re-read some of the information I got
"Ray is doing really well." a lot of people seem to be saying that to me lately. With some of them there is a lot of wishful thinking involved. If Ray is well they can back off and stop worrying about us and go about their own lives again. This applies to the kids and the couple of more distant families members on Ray's side, people who really do care about us. I appreciate their concern and I know how long all this has been going on for. Ray's illness has been a bit like those old time radi
Thoughts for Easter Day
Heard some hopping in the night
Not a sound to give a fright
Easter bunny having fun
Leaving eggs for everyone.
Went to church again today,
Happy, happy Easter Day
Remembered that the egg has meaning
Not just sugar for the gleaning.
Hollow eggs remind us then
That the tomb was empty when
Followers with heart filled dread
Came expecting Jesus dead.
And the solid eggs remind us
Of the wonderful life inside us
Eggs from which small
"When the red, red robin comes bob. bob. bobbing along, along" says an old song I once used to sing. That is how I feel this week. Do this, bob bob, do that, bob bob. Just going from one job to another, not much time to rest in between. Autumn (fall) is that time when you clean up the outside of the house, clear up the inside of the house, pack things away, put things right. It is a busy time.
On Monday the tilers came and tiled the shower room. They were here most of the day tracking in
From time to time I have nightmares. If they are bad nightmares, the sort that starts a re-run as soon as you close your eyes I get out of bed. Either I read for a while or come here to the computer. I did that twice last week. 4am and I am awake, in front of my computer, wrapped in my comfortable dressing gown. Hugging myself to send the demons in the bad dream back to where they came from.
Every time life gets too busy, and I get too stressed I start on the nightmares again. There
When Ray has his major strokes in 1999 we had six weeks at Bendigo, a rural city in Victoria about 600 miles from where we live. Ray was in the big hospital, in and out of intensive care as he had strokes, embolisms, burst stomach ulcers and arrhythmia attacks. I stayed at the old nurses home, now used for visiting students and stranded patients and their families. There for the first time I talked with other caregivers. Up to then I had probably spoken to a few but it was more in a :"You have
My Dad had a saying "I think he is his own worst enemy." Well I think sometimes I am mine.
For one thing I can wake up full of positive thoughts and Susie Sunshine philosophy but it only takes one small thing to go wrong and my attitude changes. I don't mean to be negative, but a few minutes late for "X" and I feel as if the world is falling apart around me. I rant and rave, stamp and scold and finally Ray will be ready, so down the road and into the "late for wherever" traffic jam. Our
Today it is raining, not the rain of summer with thunder and lightning and spectacle, but the quiet , gently falling rain that tells me the seasons are changing and autumn (fall) is here. There is no dramatic changing of leaves or other signs to tell us, just gradually falling temperatures, shrinking daylight hours and the lessening warmth of sunlight. Daylight saving ends next Sunday and that will mean earlier evening mealtimes as the days draw in rapidly. It is a time for packing summer clo
I kind of imagined that Ray would come home and life would settle back down again. I don't think I could have been more wrong. If anything it is like living in a washing machine at the moment, one minute you're up, one minute you're down, every minute you are moving!
Ray came home on Thursday as planned. He was really glad to be home but I can see a big difference in him. He is just drifting, just doing what has to be done and nothing more. If it is mealtime he eats, just eating takes
Ray is home. We've had our first fight already so some things haven't changed...lol.
I picked up the quad stick at the "lending store", the hospital provides it free on loan for three months so he shouldn't need it after that. I got lost because it is up the back of an old industrial estate, waaay up the back. But still I got it. I've also borrowed a narrower shower stool but have decided to have the little store room next to the toilet made into a shower room anyway. That way there is
Ray is back in the main hospital for a couple of days while his arrhythmia is checked out. It may be nothing major but like arterial fibrillation it is known to throw clots and cause TIAs so they decided to look into it. He had a routine blood pressure and pulse check yesterday and he was way beyond normal. He was taken to the major hospital last night but put into emergency care for 24 hour observation only. If he has a further episode they will re-admit him but this time to coronary care.
" Stone walls do not a prison make,
Nor four grey walls a cell"
~~Author unknown~~
I've been thinking, well that was what I do in the night when I don't sleep. I've been thinking about my life without Ray. He is still in hospital and will be for another week. AAARRRGGGH!! How long will this continue? Anyway I have been thinking about what I have been doing for the past six weeks and think mostly I have been waiting, waiting for Ray to come home, waiting for people to ring me b
This time of the year as the church goes into Lent, a season of depriving yourself to benefit your soul, and in our neck of the woods the transition into autumn (fall) it seems as if I become reflective again. It is a sometime thing with me. Mostly I live life from day to day, don't plan too far ahead, don't look too far back. After going on for eight years since Ray's major strokes I know the danger of planning only to have those plans dashed by another stroke, or another critical incident.
Just recently I have been caught up in what we used to call "cat fights" in other words fall-outs between women friends. I say friends in that I have known these two women most of my married life, maybe thirty years or more. They are neighbours and friends. Just lately for an unknown reason their friendship has changed and one of them rang me early this morning to say she hated how I backed "X" up and how dare I? This upset me to say the least. But then I am a woman and I can be over-sensit
February is the last month of summer and often the hottest month of summer too. From the end of February days start to seem shorter. Today was a good day - hot, not much breeze but a lovely blue-skied summer's day. Even in the late afternoon as I drove home from visiting Ray the sun was still hot through the car windows. If there had been anyone who I thought was right to ask I would have phoned a friend and gone to the beach. But sadly a lot of my present friends are older and probably bath
