dan can come home today... he will continue to be on oral levoquin ( antibiotic) to continue the combat with the sepsis.... i wont go into him coming home a lot --- i am happy , maybe a good nite sleep ?? I lost a good friend today--- she has had stomach issues for a long time...and apparently her colon burst and sepsis set in on her immediatley... she was at her moms for easter meal got sick, ( her mom is a OR nurse) --was taken to the hospital and airlifted out... but she passed away early th
after dans episode of spasticity and pain the othernite i noticed during bathing today he had a new injury on his toe next to his big toe. so i called for a appt to see a podiatrist . wow they had a opening.. today.... we went and she had time to remove his bigtoe - toenail-------- so unexpected but necessary as his bigtoe toenail was beating up the smaller toe when his toes, feet would spaz. so we did it -now he is "laid up" and hurting - because of course this has set off fullblown central nue
well the condo was on the market officially for about a week -- sold ,asking price, no appraisal cash sale... i guess that chapter is closing... wont be able to make it to the benefit the baby still has not passed and with my anemia i can only manage one stressfull event at a time and fly -- not to mention when i am anemic i have CRAZY legs.. so a flight would not be a lot of fun.. but will go soon... they have benefits fairly often so i can push it off a bit... or just send a check... dan had a
I am so totally lost - dazed, confused, but mostly fried…. or mentally ill…. I have no idea and neither do the docs… so yes for sure my adrenal glands are in over drive… but docs disagree on what if anything to do… my kidneys have a a cyst ( not to uncommon) but requires more evaluation…. I feel as if I can't breathe, but i can…. My heart feels like it s breaking all the time… My memory is shot …… BURNT - is probably the right word… I think of a drug addict and the way they act, and that is how
dan has been awake and doing well, so far so good... his mood is good, he is about at his prestroke baseline... for stroke side effects aphasia,, ext... but he has ketosis ( had) now his body needs to flush that out... that is basically his body saying you starved me and i started to eat myself ( unfortunately muscle) and the doc said what you did to yourself could have been as bad as a stroke , but of course dan grasps for a little while and forgets... he doesent seem to know what happened and
Angels in disguise ... Well dans surgeon is certainly that... Very smart man.....Dan is finally at the point of me having to call for the ambulance ..he is so mad he is appearing comatose.. But I get him here and the ER doc who is not really familiar with Dan said from a medical standpoint I can't really keep him he actually isn't that dehydrated his Coumadin is a little high but other wise , what can I do to help you ... I said we'll can you have the surgeon come over and see about replacing th
I guess writing gets the frustrations out- or something… that and as i have always said -- it is like leaving a road map for another to know they are not alone… the problem we have - I think we are alone -Dan and the Depression is just so bad… I even had a gal come and do Reiki on him… she said he "pulled a lot of energy out of her" -- that I believe… even when i just sleep next to him right now i do not feel the least bit refreshed when waking-- just BLAAHHHH…. I still do things don't get me wr
Dan is refusing his meds again tonight.. he is emotionally locked in on being angry... the reason i used my blinkers....Oh the wonderful things strokes can take from us... his tolerance for noise at certain times is so minimal sometimes.. of course i will us blinkers even Dan can't propel me to risk other peoples lives... i truly didnt see "it ( tantrum)" coming... We finally got some truly nice weather today, so we went for a long walk.. there is a nice walkway nearby ,all smooth cement to pus
dan has been progressing latley - but now he has taken to his bed and has decided not to get up.. he will not give an explanation.. has indicated he plans to stay there for 2 days --- problem this is day three..i am so frusterated... and yes we do things when he is up and moving- but not so much that he should feel the need to rest for days at a time... and he is always in control of when we go home ,if he wants to leave ect.... at this point its kinda like if laying in bed and sleeping/watching
as always our household is busy. I have a doc appt on monday to see about my issues -- surgery coming i am sure …i just can't shoe the tired -ness and yes i work now after a few years of not working but dan makes me pay in blood for that ( sorta literally) so updates --- god i am sick of my life the drama , the never knowing the plain out BS …. we will start with drawing the line - i am exhausted dan insisted i go with to church although our son also went ( 2 weeks ago i had to leave for 20 mi
so i went and got my blood transfusion yesterday --and today i am scheduled for a ultrasound to see if maybe i need a hysterectomy.. the doc feels i just bleed more than i can make "at that time" - sparing the guys - sorry…
So i feel a bit better but bit is the right word - i was hoping to wake up and jump out of bed… but part of it is - well who else, DAN… Since i hd the transfusion yesterday and worked a few hours and etc. I didn't see him much , what a crab… he refused to eat yesterday ( hi
The job is going good, still the technology struggle, but i am familiar with the criminal aspect of the job and can pretty clearly communicate with the cliental… It is so nice to be "back" sorta… I don't think i realized how much i missed work till now… BUT… guess what , the hospital has decided not to renew the speech therapists contract….. AYFKM… you all know what that means… so i am trying to figure out the best way to advocate for Dan… they don't seem to understand - he is happier finally ab
yep, a full fledged diarrhea bug has hit us ( dan) -- i am so glad for all the extras i have purchased --- wow... loads and loads of laundry. and now his bottom is so sore.. grrrrr... but it is what it is.... he was so embarrassed and kept saying just want to die ... and cried ... and i cried cause he cried.. it is so hard to see his "shame" - but later we just kept reinforcing that SH-T happens. so we just deal with it and move on.. I am thankful he is hooked up to the IV at least dehyderation
Dan has reached a sort of OK status in life.. although i am not fooled into thinking this is long term i do believe we are turning a corner of life...... he gets IV'd 2X ( at home) per week and this has made the biggest difference. he has some humor to him, some enjoyment - engages a little in life ( certainly more than he used to.) and i am not living with my heart in my throat. but i am living with a plug in my hand .. the IV - since we dont do much on the 2 days he is IV'd .. I am not complai
i am so original with my titles... lol... Dan is still "stable" he has been in a better mood, but has basically been in bed for 3 days... of course it is sooooo... cold here-- that i believe his point is , "why get out of bed to move from the bed to the couch" .. his mood is ok he eats and drinks and is somewhat pleasant . Although some days i wonder. Yesterday the nurse was here hooking him up for a IV and the grandson was here . the 2.5 yr old walked in said Hi- grandpa and Dan replied Hi - s
I have a nice yard - but have been working on switching things around moving the flow of the yard so to speak… and that is requiring a lot… and those darn little wood chippy things the previous owner had are nuisance so i have been getting rid of those…… when i am done i will be able to have a garden … i got rid of the swimming pool don't need it - more things to maintain and i found a very happy family to give it to ( the family who bought our farm) so kids will enjoy it… Beth is a little bumme
ok not YOUR lawn ..... but i got the bid i will be outta here mid sept. -- i am happy. but i also know my happisness is based on a material gain at this moment... so i went all pagen on all my fellow condo people and "rented" a chicken - rooste,r actually to boast about my leaving their fine establishment.. ( colleen ) will post my chicken picture... the darn thing is HUGE about 10 feet tall and 5 feet wide.. and UGLY... he is on my lawn , he spent the night and will be picked up later this AM..
I am not sure what is going on with me - but i am having panic attacks --- i feel in constant adrenaline mode… breathless … I am Ok and they are panic attacks --- I am going to see my PCP on weds to see about trying a different antidepressant , what i have been taking just isn't cutting it… so it is time for a adjustment for me to… the anxiety of life is a bit more than I can handle -- it is what it is just as it always has been…. just wishing I could quit it ( feeling so anxious) … but having t
Had surgery - doing well, dan was worried - his caretaker brought him in to be with me, at that point he understood what was going on and he turned gray and got upset, ( but not in a loud way) - gave him a valium as i was being scooted out the door… and they brought him in the second i was out of recovery… he is happier now we are both tucked into bed -- dan is asleep but these pain meds aren't helping to much in terms of getting me to sleep , so i thought i would log on and say - i am fine …. i
i am on a ledge…. Dan has taken to refusing his meds , eating and drinking although i will hook the IV up later tonight …. He is feeling done with Life -- I don't know why , i really don't other than the control i have taken from him in terms of returning to work… yes he wants me home, but the constant pallor was not a environment for anyone to live in full time 24/7 … Even my Beth is seeking refuge elsewhere - she has decided to move out on her own…. which i completely understand. my son and da
AAAHHHHHGGGHHHHAAA - ( sigh) the sound of my heartbeat goes on, but make no doubt my hear tis broken---- I am trying so hard to cope with all of this… But for some reason I just can't do it… I went to talk to the priest ( dans ) - i am not catholic- but for all intents and purposes i guess i am 30 years of going to church should qualify me for something… I THINK - and bear with me I am a work in progress…. that I am gonna go ahead and place Dan in the nursing home… He now hold that as a trump ca
we returned to MN as promised to see the baby again with april and weston… and that was wonderful… Dan however was far from "wonderful"… same game different date…. so he won't eat, drink , talk , take meds -- the whole bit , stayed in the motel bed the entire time we were there.. i didn't waste a lot of breath on him and his behavior either… it is what it is.. and with the IV i can at least hydrate him - which i did… so i didn't sit and stress as i used to in the past when this behavior has pre
i try to tell myself not to blog so much, but the simple fact is there is more than enough misery in my household that it spills, for lack of a better word.. so i guess spilling it here is the appropriate place.. dan is on the want to die road again.... the tiredness he had, from the titration up turned into dizziness ( or it was all together ) who knows ... but now its full blown depression with a suicidal ideation... he just wants to die, not so much suicide per say ..he really has no way to d
well i'm not sure about the spelling of it nor do i care a whole lot about the spelling.... dan is sick with what i believe is aspiration pnuemonia- he was eating at the time of his last seizure and it seems he did aspirate into his lungs... i worried about that... or he just a has a plain out bad cold.. i dont know cause getting into a Doc is near impossible -- especially one we actually know.. so ironically the ER doc knows him well so i will wait till tonight and take him in then... stupid an
well we are here spending our first night at the new place... it is beautiful ---- dan is upset wants to go home..... he understands on many levels what needs to be but also is frusterated with the cost of it all.... me - i figure we havent starved yet and faith has gotten us through this far so i keep reminding myself --- god will take care of us --good or bad ---------- i wish it would have been feasible for me to have built on at the farm, but with each seizure and health crisis dans quality
