Thank you all for commenting on my last blog. A lot has changed since my last entry. I finished my job. Im back at school now. I will be graduating early in December :Clap-Hands: I like the dorm I stay in. I have been wearing my wrist support at night and each morning I wake and turn the light switch on using my left fist. I am also able to open the bathroom door, close it, and turn the faucet on and off with my hand in a fist. One morning I even brushed my teeth and ate my cereal with the help
Life has been wonderful. In the past, on my birthday sometimes I would feel sad that Im a year older and still haven't gotten better. but this summer my birthday was filled with too much fun to feel sad. Ever since I typed my last entry, I have gone out to party with friends, went to the beach with friends, and took a road trip with a friend. I have spent time with family and I even have a new boyfriend. As I already said in my last update, I am so glad I am not depressed anymore. When I went to
No more depression!!! I am so thankful I am not depressed anymore. I get upset. I get sad. Sometimes I write blogs when I am upset or make topics on the board when I am discouraged but believe it or not I am actually not depressed. I smile a lot and I laugh at the simplest things. I have many simple pleasures like drinking a cup of coffee before work or watching a family movie by myself on a Friday night. Its actually pretty easy to make myself feel happy. But years ago, this was not the case. W
well i just decided to type some stuff in here for my own memories since i don't really get many comments anymore. I appreciate those of you who still comment hough. Well I was discharged from PT shortly after my last entry because my medicaid ran out. I was kind of sad and disappointed. I felt like I had made no progress. Fortunately, I took a 6 minute walk around the hospital and just seeing the stroke survivors and spinal cord injury patients laying in bed and rolling around in wheelchairs, r
I straightened out my thumb. Amazed, I began to try to straighten my fingers. One by one I heard my brain tell each finger to straighten. I held my breath as I strained to straighten them out one by one then altogether. I put my hands together and made a joyful noise. I clapped my hands to give thanks for this miracle I'd only seen in my dreams. It felt so real. I thought to myself wow all the exercise I did earlier today finally paid off, physically therapy has given me my life back!
Now this
Right now I am not happy. I am not sad. I just wanted someone to talk to so I decided to blog. Right now I am on Spring break. My dad is supposed to be taking me out of town for a vacation this weekend but until then I will be working on papers. My youngest brother had his first son about a month ago. I became an aunt for the 6th time. It sounds cute but I just want the baby to stop crying every night and waking me up every morning with his loud screams! Needless to say, this "spring break" has
Thank you all for your comments to my last entry. Earlier this week I had a break down. I got a bad grade in my class and it just made me feel really stupid and dumb. To make matters worse, not having a significant other didnt help because I had no one to lift me up when I was sad. I was so busy the following day with school that I just cried and cried the whole rest of tthe day. Fortunately, I did something I have never done before. I got tired of devoting ALL of my time and energy to school. I
I feel so overwhelmed right now. I don't know what to do. Ever since Oct, I have been concentrating on my arm more. My toes dont really bother me and people say my limp is not so noticeable. but my arm has really been bothering me. I guess it is a mixture of my 8 year stroke anniversary, the upcoming new year, and the cold weather. It makes me want to do better. I just wish I could see some progress. As I stated in my last entry, I am out of school right now so I have been concentrating more on
Since my last entry, I have been really trying to go to church more and get closer to God. I found a new church that I have been visiting. I love it. The people are so friendly and I feel right at home. My church is a holiness pentecostal church so everyone gets the holy ghost and there is a lot of dancing and clapping which makes me feel left out and like I cant really praise God like everyone else. but at the new church i have been visiting it is non-denominational and it is a mixed congregati
im really upset right now. i was studying but i couldnt hold the book open and take notes at the same time. i turned the tv off because i was tired of seeing people living my dreams. why cant i put my hair up like the lady on tv? why cant i wear the high heels? i cant walk like her. i got so upset i threw the remote threw the books and threw my brush. its just frustrating. its like being the dumbest kid in the school. everyone is better than me. they all have something i want that i will never b
wow I haven't blogged in so long everything looks so different. So much has happend; some good some bad. I guess I will start with the bad first. Last weekend I had my biggest break down since ...I can't remember. It was my fall break so I was supposed to go home, take a break, and spend time with my family. However, it was also my stroke anniversary. I knew if I would have gone home, being in that same room in that same house that I tried to harm myself at so many times, that room I shed so ma
Hello everyone,
This has been a very busy month. I will start by saying I finished work on August 7th. I was so sad to leave. My co-workers showered me with gifts, plaques, and certificates. I felt really appreciated but sad that I had to leave such a great group of caring people who did not judge me because of my disability. The following Monday I moved back on campus and was an orientation leader for 2 weeks altogether 121 hours. I was so exhausted because I was working with the freshmen all
I did it! I passed the road test today! I have also been driving myself home from work everyday at rush hour taking the freeway. I have become really good at driving. It really helps not having my dad constantly yelling at me anymore but it is still tons of pressure driving his 2007 envoy. Now all I have to do is get my docs to complete the medical report and pray that the DMV lets me get my license. I can't really celebrate yet. Last year my docs completed the medical form and the DMV denied me
Today I went to the DMV for my re- evaluation. I thought it was going to be just updating my medical records but to my surprise I had to take the road test. I was a nervous wreck, my dad had really upset me and discouraged me as always, and I started to feel like driving was too hard. To make a long story short, I passed the brake-response test, I backed up in a straight line, I even parallel parked, but the driver instructor claims I rolled a stop sign therefore I failed the test. I only passe
I have been very busy. Some good times and some bad. A friend of mine from college died in a car accident and it was my first time going to a wake. It was very difficult and painful. I cried all night. But I have my new niece to be thankful for. She was born on Wednesday. I am an aunt for the 3rd time and I will be an aunt again in August I got a chance to spend time with my grandparents and family on Father's ay and my bestfriend/cousin even started talking to me again. She apologized for lett
I feel so blessed. I had my first birthday party in 5 years lastnight. My sorority sisters took me out to eat at a restaurant and gave me card cake and baloons. I even got a birthday hat and the things you blow to make the noise. I cant think of what it's called. On Friday, my co-workers took me out to eat, gave me a card, and the boss let me leave an hour early. Today I plan go out to eat for the 3rd time! My boyfriend wants to take me to this restaurant and I think we will go bowling. I have b
I started working on Tuesday. I was nervous at first but the people I work with are really nice. One of my employees is disabled too. I don't want to pass judgement and I haven't built up the nerve to ask him what happend but just from observation, he has a speech impediment. It takes him a long time to get his words out and he talks loud. He also can only drink from a straw and I notice he can't straighten his fingers out and has little control of his ankles when he walks. Hopefully one day so
Thanks for all of the positive comments on my last entry. I have more good news. I made all As! It was so hard but it was worth it. I was so proud of myself for making so many accomplishments this year. I start working on Tuesday. I am looking forward to meeting other people with disabilities. Every day I am thankful. It's like God has answered all of my prayers. I finally have a lot of friends, sisters, perfect grades, a boyfriend who cares about me, a job as well as SSI, and I am eligible to g
Well I have lots of good news. First I am done with OT. The botox really help and I don't see my doctor again until August. I asked the doc what is the point in exercising if the damage is in my brain and its permanent and he reminded me basically if it doesn't get better, it might get worse. So I am going to start exercising!
I am NOT going to China. The guy in charge felt I was not healthy enough which I felt was somewhat discriminatory seeing as how my intelligence got me in the program but
I had to go to the hospital on Sunday. I just got out yesterday and am still recovering. I had a bleeding hemorrhoid that protruded and lost a lot of blood. My blood pressure had goin down to 80 something over 40 something. I plan to go back to school on Monday. The cause of all of this is my seizure medication. The Keppra I take causes constipation, hence the hemorrhoid. I plan to see my neurologist this summer about weaning me off the keppra or switching medications since I have not had a seiz
I just took a look at my midterm grades and I have 3 As, a B, and a C. I keep reminding myself of that fortune cookie I opened a couple of years ago which read "do not let great ambitions overshadow small success". I just feel defeated. There is nothing else I could have done. It is not my fault my Geography teacher has office hours when I have class and is never in his office during the hour I don't have class. I read the book, I studied, I did everything. I guess a C is better than an F. but I
Right now I am at home watching tv. Back in high school, it was depressing to sit at home watching tv on a Saturday night but right now, this is the best feeling I have felt all week. Yesterday was the first time that I cried in a while. I guess I had been holding everything in and accepting it and trying not to let it bother me but I guess it just all hit me at once. I currently have an A in only 2 out of my 5 classes. I have not passed any of my Geography or Biology test. It just makes me feel
I stuck to my word and Im still accepting things. Today I was so tired carrying about 15-20 pounds of books on my shoulder and walking in boots that were a little too big for my feet for hours all day. I wish I knew exactly how many miles I walk each day so people could understand just how far I walk. Its already tiring to walk far, then to have the weight of books, and the harsh cold in my joints just makes me want to collapse to the ground after each step. but I have accepted that. Instead of
It's not called giving up. It is called acceptance. That is what I decided to do. Accept things for the way they are and stop crying over spilled milk. Dont think I am giving up. Im just realizing that I cant always get what I want no matter how hard I try. All I can do is try. I actually tried to think of all the thigs I would do if I was ambidextrous and to my surprise there was only a few things I could think of that I cant do using one hand. I still dont like my limp but I guess its not so b
