I just wanted to let you guys know I am doing good. Still waiting on my blood work results but I decided to tackle the anxiety. My colonoscopy follow up went well. I had a polyp removed and have to go back in 2 months. Seeing my therapist on Friday was very good because I felt good. The last time I blogged, I was having a horrible day. Since then, I decided to just "let go and let God" as they say. I mean I was so focused on keeping my mind on God and busying myself with reading, praying, listen
I just dont understand. On Friday, I had 2 attacks but I tried to brush them off. I was so grateful when I slept peacefully the entire weekend. On Saturday the group leader of one of my church groups offered to give me a ride so I was able to go to girl's night after all. We had dinner then went to open mic poetry night. I had an attack at the poetry night but I guess no one noticed. It didn't bother me too much because even though I got home late, I slept good and I was just happy I got out and
The colonoscopy went well because I did not have any seizures or panic attacks. The bad part is they did not heavily sedate me so I was awake the whole time feeling everything and it hurt! The surgeon removed a polyp and he said I have colitis. I guess I will find out more when I follow up next week.
I am glad to be back to my apartment. I had one anxiety attack on Wednesday when I initially got to my dad's house but Wednesday night and last night were pretty scary. It was like a repeat of S
Yesterday was a repeat of Friday. No attacks at all awake and asleep! Thank God I got a break. I noticed yesterday I did not drink any water. I only drank soda. I started to wonder if maybe my blood sugar is low. Before I found out I had AVM, when I was a kid my doctor thought I was hypoglycemic. I looked up the symptoms of hypoglycemia and I have every single one of them: (confusion, dizziness, headaches, feeling shaky, irritability, pounding heart, racing pulse, trembling, anxiety).
I hard
Lastnight I remember I had a dream I used my weak hand to peel a banana and as I was telling my dad about it I started to wiggle my index finger for the first time. It was a wonderful dream. Unfortunately I did not have good sleep. I said i was going to be positive so I did not blog yesterday when I felt like I just wanted to die.
On Wednesday, I had more panic attacks than I can count. I couldnt even think straight. I even had one sitting in class at church, But I was still thankful that n
This morning as I was exercising, I remembered I had a dream last night that I could straighten my hand. I don't know if I was dreaming or awake but I remember I kept straightening my wrist using my good hand in my sleep. I also remember one time I think my thumb had got caught in my shirt (i usually sleep with my elbows bent and fist close to my chest) so I had to straighten out my thumb so my hand could be free from my shirt. Me straightening my wrist in my sleep might have been a real thing.
I could blog about how I stayed gone majority of the day yesterday and still had 3 panic attacks so Im just doomed. I could be pessimistic about the psychiatrist prescribing me to another therapist but Im trying this new thing where Im not complaining! Sometimes I do need to just vent but I notice I tell everyone everything Im going through far too much and unless Im telling them for the purpose of them praying for me then otherwise Im just complaining.
SO today I spent the entire day in the
The hard part about my week like I said in the last entry is that I have so much free time on weekdays and so much over excitement on weekends. If I could spend half my week days around other people and the other half just relaxing it would be better. Sadly, last week things got worse before they got better. I had another breakdown on Tuesday from so many attacks and my phone didnt ring all day so I felt like I was going crazy. On Wednesday, it got really bad. My dad came over and I felt weird a
My entry title is not a typo. Its a double meaning. Weakdays=weekdays I already prayed 3 times this morning, read 2 daily devotionals from 2 different books I have, and read today's readings for 6 different devotional Bible reading plans I am doing on bible.com. I also watched Joyce Meyer this morning "Enjoying Everyday Life" at 6am so I can have some motivation to enjoy my day.
So why do I still feel so blah? It's so hard to explain and its like nobody can understand me. Last night I thoug
I dont really know what to say. just decided to blog. Ever since the day I opened the door knob, I have been doing it every morning I go to get my wash cloth to wash my face and sometimes in the evening to get my towel for the shower. I showed my dad and he was proud of me. I also have continued to do my exercises that stretch my arm. Still working on keeping the splint on the entire night without taking it off in my sleep. Im glad it doesn't hurt though. I used to could never fall asleep with i
Thank you everyone for the belated birthday wishes! On June 1st I went to the altar at church and asked for prayer over fear anxiety and negative thoughts that I will end up paranoid schizophrenic like my mom. As we were praying, the lady holding my hand and praying with me prayed that the Lord would open my withered hand (like Jesus did for the man in the Bible). She told me to start practicing opening my weak hand.
After that day I did e-stim a few times but I need new electrodes because t
I had an amazing birthday! Yesterday my friend from church Desiree, drove me to Charlotte. We stopped at my favorite restaurants and I even stopped at my old job and visited my favorite co-workers. The concert was awesome. It was called Rock the Park and it was christian music but kind of like for young people I guess like christian rap and christian pop/rock. It was really fun. I didn't have to pay for anything and I got lots of gifts (mostly cards lol) for my birthday. I didnt get home until l
I was feeling really good. On Tuesday, I went to campus and checked on the status of my application for the job I applied for last week. I kind of did some networking and talked to some old faculty and staff that remembered me. That night when I said my prayers I felt so repetitive. Ever since I rededicated my life back to Christ a few weeks ago, I have been praying to God, reading my bible and devotionals. My closest new friends are women my age I met from church groups that mentor me so it was
Now that I am seizure free again, I can see the good side of things. I had to talk to God and apologize for not being grateful for being seizure-free all those years. I spent so much time angry at Him for not answering my prayers for my left side and not enough time just being thankful that He was keeping the epilepsy under control. I am kind of glad this all happened. I only got 1 comment on my last entry so Im not sure how many people read it and I dont want to sound annoying repeating myself
I have about 20 minutes before my 9:00 bedtime so I decided to blog. a couple times last week I woke up while still dreaming and it caused me to have an attack. I woke up yesterday morning and forgot to do my meditation. I had done it the first time I woke up while I was dreaming but I fell back asleep and forgot to do it again when I woke up the 2nd time. I got up and went straight to doing laundry so I got overwhelmed and had an attack but I just breathed and it went away quickly. May was ment
Well after all of my venting and complaining in my last blog, things got a lot better. The following night I talked to the girl from the small group for women at church. Then the following night I talked to my mentor and friend from my abstinent/celibacy group. It was just nice having people to talk to. This weekend was AMAZING. I did not want to sit at home. I wanted to go out and be around people. On Saturday I picked up my cousin and we went to the coffee shop then got lunch at the sandwich s
I will try not to ramble. I just decided to blog because I feel really depressed and alone right now. I had a few more attacks since my last entry but I just breathed slowly and played it off like it wasnt happening. I usually stop what Im doing and start freaking out if the breathing and talking myself down doesnt seem to be working. but lately the breathing and continuing whatever Im doing at the time seems to be helping.
I went to therapy yesterday. Its hard to really talk about therapy b
This week went pretty good. I did some grocery shopping and went to the library with my dad again on Monday. Monday night I believe I had a panic attack. I was laying in bed on the computer and I started to get agitated. I didnt want to be on the computer, didnt want to call my cousin, and it was too late to start a movie. Then it happened. I started to feel really dizzy, I got kinda nauseous and since this was the first time since I moved here that it happened while laying in bed, I thought I c
This was a pretty good week for me. I told myself on Sunday that this was going to be an awesome week and that I was not going to have any attacks. I proved myself right On Monday my dad took me to pay my light bill, to the library, and to get some groceries. I guess moving back to my hometown does have its advantages (don't have to wait for the bus, save gas having my dad chauffeur me lol).
On Tuesday I guess my dad was bored so he popped up and we went out to lunch together. It wasn't any
The night after I wrote my last entry, I had a panic attack after I got out the shower. The water was dripping after I shut the shower off and I started to think I hope that repetitive sound doesn't make me dizzy. I tried to ignore it and continue drying off but I started to feel dizzy so I sat on the toilet and called my cousin. When she answered I could hardly breathe. I felt like I was twitching and I was so scared. When I felt okay, I walked back to my room. I was still shaking but I fell as
This week has been kind of rough because of the weather. I went outside to throw away my pizza box on Monday but as soon as I sat in the gazebo to call my friend, it started to rain. Tuesday was horrible. It was thundering and lightening from about 2 in the afternoon until I got in bed at 9. I started to feel so depressed. I was afraid to cook since the lights kept flickering and my netflix was messing up on tv so I was sitting here hungry and bored thinking about how sad and lonely I felt. It w
Thank you guys for the comments and compliments. This was a very long drawn out week. When I wrote my last entry I was on top of the world but now my high has come down Each day I have been watching movies, reading, and writing. Yesterday was fun. Since my cousin only lives 5 minutes away I went to get her and she came over. We went to the park across the street. It was so nice to get out of the house and be around someone else. It was scary driving since I have not drove in over a month but Im
You guys
I have not been this happy in a long time! As I said in my last entry, I finally moved into my apartment and spent my first night on Saturday. I love it and I included a couple pics. (I did not take pics of every part of the apartment or the outside [laudry room, pantries, closets, etc.) I was worried I would have a panic attack being here by myself but nope I have felt pretty good. I was also worried about sitting staring at the walls or just being on the computer all day and getting
My mom came over today and took me to my psychiatrists appointments then we went shopping and I got everything I wanted for my apartment. That meant a lot to me because I was feeling sad for feeling like a burden every time I have to ask my dad to take me somewhere. My mom drove my car. She lives by herself so it was a great day for the both of us. Since she is paranoid schizophrenic, she enjoys getting out the house and being around other people. I also enjoyed being out of my room. My dad has
I don't know what is going on but my left side (my stroke side) is really bothering me. Im trying to write this blog but I cant seem to get comfortable. In the past, my left side never really bothered me and if it did, I would just take the baclofen or do some stretches. Now Im so scared because my left arm feeling weird is my only warning that the seizure is happening. Im constantly moving my left arm now and today my left leg was having crazy spasms just shaking like crazy when I would stand.
